Posted on by Helene Johnson

On Grief and Heartbreak

There are times in life when parting ways with someone becomes necessary despite the pain such parting creates. You have made the decision at the deepest level of your self-awareness, when soul, mind and body concurred that the relationship is not for you any longer. You knew in that deliberation what the truth was for you, with every inch of your body and soul. However, grief is poignant and might continue to follow you, in ebbs and flows, for a while, sometimes with inklings of doubt whether the right decision was made or not.

These moments of grief are the moments when you need to remind yourself:

  • A relationship is supposed to bring you joy overall, even if at times, there might be discomfort, misunderstandings or some heartache. But in the long run, the account needs to be positive. If it is not, the relationship is draining more energy and resources from you than it should, and it cannot be sustained.
  • Grief is normal when you think in terms of the lost potential of what that relationship could have been – however, potential does not always equal capability, current or future. Be honest if that relationship exhibited the attributes of the relationship you aspired to have. Journal from a third person point of view to avoid unbalanced subjectivity and confirm your standards are worth standing up for.
  • Acknowledge the loss, the human shortcomings, the imperfections on both sides, forgive yourself and the other person, and move on. Focus on growth and learning from this experience  – what lessons you have learned or have yet to learn, what changes you can make, what new perspectives you have gained…
  • A grieving heart can always be at risk of more prolonged sadness or at the more extreme spectrum, depression or anxiety. Look for experiences where the kid in you is alive again – the one who is curious, playful and undeterred to learn to walk even after multiple falls. Schedule at least one of such experiences regularly, find hobbies or interests that bring you joy and meaning. Don’t give up on a life that is worth living to its fullest potential and joy, with people who genuinely care for you.

Every time we lose something, or someone is also the opportunity to gain something even bigger if we have the courage to trust ourselves and to embody, little by little, one action and one experience at a time, a wiser version of ourselves…one that we could not have entered into without the loss.

Be caring to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. And at one point, you will discover that after each moment of grief, there is a rainbow. One that shows you what you stand for, what your soul needs and why your past relationship could not have thrived. Getting over the loss of a relationship is not denying ourselves to grieve, but it is about finding that rainbow every time grief comes back.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

A Guide to Growing Yourself Steadily Without Losing Steam

By Guest Writer: Donna Erickson

Donna Erickson is a retired public educator. She created Fit Memory with a few friends as a way to promote wellness among senior citizens with the hopes it will help inspire others to make the most of their golden years.

Busy professionals juggling work, family, and health goals often start personal growth with real motivation for growth, then hit the same wall: progress becomes pressure, and the start‑stop cycle returns. The core challenge isn’t effort, it’s personal development sustainability, when ambitious plans outrun energy, attention, and emotional bandwidth. Without burnout prevention, long-term self-improvement can quietly turn into self-criticism, exhaustion, and giving up altogether. With supportive stress management strategies and a steadier pace, growth can feel doable and consistent.

Use 6 Gentle Strategies to Improve and Stay Balanced

Sustainable growth works best when you treat your energy like a budget: spend it on what matters, leave a little margin, and review regularly. Use these gentle strategies to keep progress steady without sliding back into the start‑stop cycle.

  1. Set one SMART “next step,” not a total life overhaul: Pick a goal that’s Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time‑bound, then shrink it to a 2–10 minute daily action. For example: “Practice active listening” becomes “Ask one follow‑up question in each meeting for two weeks.” Keeping the action small reduces friction, which is often what triggers burnout.
  2. Create two non‑negotiable self‑care anchors: Choose one “body” anchor and one “mind” anchor you can keep even in busy weeks, like a consistent bedtime plus a 10‑minute walk after lunch. Many people find that setting a bedtime helps protect sleep quality, which makes every other habit easier. Treat anchors as maintenance, not a reward you earn after you “do enough.”
  3. Plan your week with a simple time budget: Once a week, list your fixed commitments, then assign 3–5 hours total to growth activities (not per day). Break it into small blocks (two 30‑minute sessions + three 20‑minute sessions) and decide what you’ll not do to make room. This protects your calendar from the “everything at once” pattern that leads to quitting.
  4. Use a “top 3” daily priority + one closing ritual: Each morning, choose three outcomes: one must‑do, one should‑do, and one small win. End the day with a 2‑minute reset: write tomorrow’s first task and clear one small physical space (desk, bag, kitchen counter). This makes it easier to restart the next day, even if today didn’t go perfectly.
  5. Add micro‑mindfulness to lower stress quickly: Try one minute of slow breathing before you open your inbox, a quick body scan while washing your hands, or five mindful breaths before you enter your home. If you want more structure, mindfulness-based stress reduction can be a helpful framework for practicing consistently. The goal isn’t to “empty your mind,” but to interrupt stress spirals before they drain your motivation.
  6. Rotate your growth areas to stay balanced: Instead of pushing hard in one lane (fitness and career and relationships), pick one “focus” area for 2–4 weeks and keep the others on maintenance. A simple rotation could be: Weekday learning sessions for career, weekend social connection, and short movement breaks for health. This variety builds a well‑rounded life, and it’s a natural fit when you’re considering structured learning, like an online program, alongside work and home responsibilities.

Choose an Online Psychology Program That Supports Steady Growth

When your goals are clear, the next step is choosing support systems that add structure without adding strain. If school is part of your development plan, pick an online program the same way you’d plan sustainable growth: make sure the workload matches your real life, use proven adult-learning approaches to stay engaged, and connect continuing psychology education to your longer-term career direction so progress feels steady instead of draining. Online learning can make growth more accessible and flexible, letting you learn on a schedule that fits your responsibilities. If you want a thorough look at options, it can help you explore paths that align with your pace and priorities. By earning a degree in psychology, you can study the cognitive and affective processes that drive human behavior so you can support those in need of help.

Weekly Micro-Habits for Burnout-Free Growth

Micro-habits matter because they protect your energy while still giving you proof you are moving forward. When the action is tiny and the cue is clear, consistency in personal development becomes easier to repeat without relying on willpower.

Daily Two-Minute Start
  • What it is: Begin with the smallest next step, like opening notes and writing one line.
  • How often: Daily
  • Why it helps: It lowers friction, making follow-through feel automatic.
Three-Block Week Plan
  • What it is: Choose three focus blocks for the week: learn, practice, and recover.
  • How often: Weekly
  • Why it helps: It prevents overloading one area and neglecting rest.
One-Line Habit Tracker
  • What it is: Track one behavior using a simple checkbox, since estimates vary widely for how habits take hold.
  • How often: Daily
  • Why it helps: It makes progress visible and reduces all-or-nothing thinking.
Calendar a Real Recovery Slot
  • What it is: Schedule a no-productivity break and keep it like an appointment.
  • How often: 2 to 4 times weekly
  • Why it helps: Recovery protects focus and reduces burnout risk.
Weekly Reflection and Reset
  • What it is: Review wins, obstacles, and next steps in 10 minutes, noting many Americans practice micro health habits.
  • How often: Weekly
  • Why it helps: It turns setbacks into tweaks, not stop signs.

Personal Growth Without Burnout: Common Questions

Q: What are early signs I’m pushing too hard?
A: Watch for irritability, sleep changes, dread around routines, or needing more effort for the same results. Treat those as data, not failure. Reduce the goal to the smallest workable step and add a real rest block.

Q: How do I stay motivated when progress feels slow?
A: Make the win easier to complete and easier to notice. Track one tiny behavior and celebrate completion, not intensity. A lighter streak beats a heroic sprint.

Q: Why do I keep quitting after a great start?
A: Over-optimistic plans create a rebound effect: you overdo it, then avoid it. A shift in mindset toward long-range pacing helps you choose actions you can repeat on bad days.

Q: When should I scale back instead of “pushing through”?
A: Scale back when your habits start harming sleep, relationships, or health. High burnout levels like symptoms of burnout show how common overload is, even in high achievers. Lower the volume, keep the cue, and protect recovery.

Q: How should I handle setbacks without losing momentum?
A: Do a fast reset: name what got in the way, choose one adjustment, and restart within 24 hours. Keep the next action tiny so restarting feels safe.

Choose a Sustainable Habit for Burnout-Free Personal Growth

Personal growth can start to feel like pressure when every week demands more effort, more discipline, and faster results. A balanced self-improvement approach replaces that grind with a kinder pace: small, realistic changes supported by honest check-ins and room for setbacks. Over time, that steadier rhythm supports long-term personal growth, maintaining motivation without relying on constant intensity, and building trust in the process. Consistency at a kind pace beats intensity that burns out.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Review: The Life That’s Waiting

Book: The Life That’s Waiting

Author: Brianna Wiest, bestseller author and speaker

Key message of the book: The life we want often begins on the other side of fear, discomfort, uncertainty, grief and self-protection. With self-compassion and gentleness to ourselves, we arrive to a place where life feels fuller and richer.

Some favorite quotes:

“A life of meaning is one where you wake up each day excited for what is to be created, to be experienced, to be felt.”

“When you begin to see every one of those instances of inner knowing as tiny invitations to meaning, you begin to generate momentum. You get more and more inspired, because you feel more and more accomplished…[…] Rather than seeking the next milestone, the next bragging right, you began seeking the joy of tomorrow.”

“Happiness isn’t found; it’s forged.”

“You have to fill your life with what matters to you, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.”

“Don’t shrink your life to meet your comfort zone; expand your vision to meet your standard.”

 “Sometime, we just need to rest and recalibrate, allow our bodies to go through a wintering season, allow ourselves to reconnect to our center.”

“… you begin to exist in a more peaceful equilibrium where you are excited to wake up in the morning and build. That’s the richest, most fertile ground of your entire life.”

“Sometimes, what we really have to reconcile is the false idea that we are not enough, not worthy, for the lives that are already ours or are about to be. Sometimes, we have to let go of the old patternings that tell us if life is not imbued with suffering and denial, it is not noble or realistic.”

“One of the things that most limits our capacity in life is the belief that any measure or degree of success or progress is akin to a house of cards, something that becomes more vulnerable as it grows. In reality, true success is more like adding legs beneath a table. The more you grow, the more stable you become.”

“You will learn that you can withstand more than you ever thought.”

“You will guide yourself through every heartache, every loss. You will also get to cherish every victory, every success, every resounding win.”

“The doors that are right for you will gently open – and you will not have to push or force them. Because the things that are behind them want you and need you as much as you want and need them.”

“Fear controls us when we invest more into the problem than the solution.”

“You can learn. You can use rock bottom as a clean state.”

“Live with palms wide open – what’s right will land and remain without your fists closing to keep it.”

“What you gather evidence for is what will appear most true. Gather evidence of your fortitude, your faith. Gather evidence of your strength, the way the road has always risen. If you don’t trust ahead, look to what’s behind. Remember, what you got you here will get you to whatever’s next.”

“When good things are trying to find you, I hope you let them. I hope that you leave room for things to turn out better than you had planned. I hope that you do not deny yourself happiness because you know how human you are, because you are most familiar with your rough edges, your mistakes, your past. I hope that when the sun is finally shining on you, you let yourself feel its warmth.”

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Review: Energize

Book: Energize, Make the Most of Every Moment

Author: Simon Alexander Ong, speaker, bestseller author, and podcaster

Key message of the book: “Energize” is a practical guide about energy management, as a fundamental skill and framework for life. It is energy more so than time management that shapes our outcomes and ultimately identity in life. Energy is contagious and is key to who we are and what we do every single day and on the long term. Understanding and protecting your energy comes with several practices like sleep hygiene, health and exercising, journaling and gratefulness that if applied consistently will unlock new levels of personal energy and meaning.

Quotes that I loved:

“When feeling energized, we become the chief architect of our future and there’s nothing that we feel we can’t overcome…Once we understand how to awaken, nurture and protect this energetic force, it will breathe life into what we feel is possible to accomplish during our time here on earth.”

“To live in energetic flow is to be connected to your true self with a focus on living a life of purpose and meaning.”

“Writing [journaling] creates this magical space around you where your soul gets to have a meaningful conversation with itself and allows you to get to know yourself better – your strengths, your weaknesses, your emotions, your priorities and where you currently are relative to where you would like to be.”

“You go on this expedition to hunt down happiness, but sooner or later we learn that happiness is not found outside ourselves; it’s found from within and it begins with gratitude.”

“A grateful heart is a magnet for joy and positivity”.

“When you live life with this deep feeling of gratitude, a galaxy of possibilities awaits and you discover yourself immersed in the breathtaking beauty of life like never before.”

“When you bring together a clearly defined vision with the act of visualization, you begin to live every moment in a state of absolute certainty that you will achieve it.”

“Your ability to reflect, make plans and then actually follow through on them will become one of the greatest skills that you will come to master.”

“The most powerful dialogue is the one that happens within yourself every day, because what consumes your thinking influences who you become.”

“You are going to face many challenges ahead, but when you understand how to awaken, protect and nurture your personal energy, you will possess the wisdom to unearth the lessons behind every single one of them so that you may come back stronger.”

“The truth is that for every challenge you face, there’s often a hidden blessing in disguise.”

“Be kind and forgive yourself when you make mistakes.”

“One tiny step forward each day snowballs into at least 365 steps forward in a year’s time.”

“The question is whether the dream means so much to you that you are willing to go after it for as long as it takes.”

“It’s never too late to begin again and rewrite your story with an ending that gives your life meaning.”

This book review by Growth Is A Journey is an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Micro Moments of Wisdom Nr 1

This series is designed for individuals who have limited time and energy, but unlimited thirst for genuine growth in their lives, whether that is about personal or professional dreams and aspirations.

This is because any 5 to 10 minute ritual can compound into meaningful positive change, be it exercising, meditating or simply getting better at our craft.

  1. Eliminate comparison with others. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, beautifully summarized how external comparisons are a source of nuisance: “Compete against yourself. When you look outside — your rivals, your industry, your luck — there is always something to blame. When you look inside — your process, your effort, your rate of learning — there is always something to improve.” When we are focused on what we can control and improve, we will always come out better and ahead of the prior version of our ourselves. At the end, that is what should matter and is most fulfilling – a version of us that is evolving and growing. Every time you find yourself in a comparison trap, go back to “your process, your effort, your rate of learning“.
  2. Focus on progress not perfection. This mindset helps us stay focused on what we can learn, do, and improve versus beating ourselves up for any shortcomings or imperfections. Building momentum and evidence of our progress serve us better than self criticism and negativity. Refuse to become your own saboteur. Progress is a path to change, but we need to stay committed to our goals through discomfort, feedback and failures at times. This is not an excuse for lacking discipline, hard work or accountability … but an acknowledgement that growth is not always linear.
  3. Schedule something to get excited about. We are all human beings with need for rest, relaxation and community around us. The same challenge or stressful situation will reduce its effect on us when we genuinely take care of ourselves. By taking the time to enjoy an outing, a special activity or simply a nap, we remind ourselves of our human needs and identities beyond work and miscellaneous responsibilities. Building a habit out of scheduling some R&R moments in advance is both practical in our busy lives but also a constant reminder of our humanity.
Posted on by Helene Johnson

How to Navigate Major Life Changes and Build Lasting Resilience

By Guest Writer: Donna Erickson

Donna Erickson is a retired public educator. She created Fit Memory with a few friends as a way to promote wellness among senior citizens with the hopes it will help inspire others to make the most of their golden years.

New parents adjusting to sleepless nights, professionals starting a new job, caregivers facing a loved one’s decline, and people relocating after a breakup all meet the same hard truth: major life transitions can shake identity, routines, and relationships at once. The emotional challenges of change often feel confusing because excitement about new beginnings can sit right beside grief, fear, or numbness. Coping with uncertainty is heavy because the mind keeps scanning for what’s next, even when there’s nothing to solve yet. With steady support and realistic expectations, adaptation to life events can start to feel manageable.

Quick Summary: Building Resilience Through Change

  • Recognize stress responses and use simple calming techniques to steady yourself during transitions.
  • Build resilience with small daily habits that support sleep, movement, and emotional balance.
  • Strengthen support systems by reaching out to trusted people and using available community resources.
  • Practice practical coping methods by breaking changes into manageable steps and focusing on what you can control.

Understanding What’s Happening Inside You

A helpful starting point is naming the inner mechanics of change. Your stress response signals threat and shifts your body into protection mode, your emotions provide data, and your thinking patterns try to update your “map” of how life works. What matters is learning to spot these three layers so you can choose actions that fit the moment instead of forcing a one size fits all fix.

This matters because resilience is not about being tough every day. It is a process, and adapting well in the face of adversity often looks like making small, timely adjustments. When you can regulate feelings and update your assumptions, you recover faster and make clearer decisions.

Imagine you get laid off and your chest tightens, your mind spirals, and you snap at someone you love. That is your stress response, your emotional system, and your thinking loop all firing at once. Knowing that emotional regulation is a skill helps you pause, label what you feel, and pick the next right step. With that clarity, you can channel disruption into action and build a simple business plan without getting stuck.

Turn a Career Setback Into a Business: Your First Legal Steps

When a career hit leaves you stressed and uncertain, taking one clear action can turn that energy into forward motion. A setback can also be a pivot point: launching your own business lets you rebuild on your terms. Forming an LLC can offer helpful benefits, including personal liability protection and a structure that can feel more stable as you grow. If you’re considering the best way to start an LLC, focus on a few first legal steps: name your LLC, choose a registered agent, create an operating agreement, and apply for an EIN. Each step turns a big, emotional transition into something concrete you can complete.

Build Your Transition Playbook: Checklists for 5 Common Changes

Big changes feel lighter when you don’t rely on memory. Use the mini checklists below to turn stress into next steps, then adjust as you learn what you actually need.

  1. Moving: run a “two-week, one-week, 72-hour” checklist: Two weeks out, change your address, collect medical/school records, and start a “first-night” box with meds, chargers, toiletries, and basic cookware. One week out, use the moving-company call as your anchor task, Confirm the final details so pickup/drop-off dates, building rules, and contacts are locked in. In the last 72 hours, take photos of valuables and your old place, separate essentials from packed items, and set a 20-minute daily “don’t pack this” sweep to prevent accidental losses.
  2. Illness management: build a 3-part care map (symptoms, meds, support): Create one page that tracks your baseline symptoms, red flags that mean “call today,” and what helps on your best and hardest days. Add a meds list with dose/time, prescribing clinician, and refill date; keep it in your wallet and stick to your fridge so you’re not reconstructing details when you’re tired. Finally, list 3–5 “helpers” with specific jobs (rides, meals, childcare, pharmacy pickup) so people can say yes to a clear ask.
  3. Grief: set up a support system that works when you can’t talk: Choose two check-in people and agree on a simple signal like “1–5” by text, where 1 means “just sit with me” and 5 means “I can do errands.” Make a short “rough day plan” with three options: a low-effort comfort routine, one place you can go, and one person you can contact, then put it where you’ll see it. If decisions feel impossible, let a trusted person hold your calendar for two weeks and screen commitments.
  4. Parenting adjustments: protect connection with two daily micro-habits: Pick one five-minute “arrival ritual” (snack + chat, quick walk, or a bedtime recap) and do it even when the day went sideways, consistency is calming. During conversations, practice the small reset of put down your cell phone so your child gets full attention and you catch what they’re really asking. Once a week, hold a 10-minute family huddle: one win, one worry, one plan for the week ahead.
  5. DIY vs assisted LLC formation: compare on risk, time, and total cost (not just filing fees): Make a simple table with three columns, DIY, assisted, and “ask an expert”, then score each 1–5 for confidence, time you’ll spend, and consequences of mistakes. Add hidden-cost checks: annual reports, registered agent fees, business licenses, tax setup, and the time cost of redoing paperwork. If stress is high, choose the option that reduces decision load while keeping you in control of key choices.

Life Change Resilience: Questions People Ask Most

Q: How do I make big decisions when I’m stressed and overwhelmed?
A: Shrink the decision to the next 24 to 72 hours and choose one “good-enough” move. Write two columns: what you can control this week and what can wait. If you still feel stuck, ask a trusted person to help you name your top two priorities, not ten.

Q: What should I do when I hit a setback and feel like I’m back at square one?
A: Treat setbacks as data, not failure. Identify what changed, pick one small adjustment, and restart with a lighter goal for three days. Consistency beats intensity when your nervous system is tired.

Q: How can I find emotional support if I don’t want to burden friends or family?
A: A gathering of people facing similar challenges can feel easier than leaning on one person. Try one meeting or online group and give yourself permission to just listen at first. You can also ask a friend for a specific, time-limited favor like a 10-minute check-in.

Q: When should I consider professional help during a major transition?
A: Consider it when sleep, appetite, focus, or safety starts slipping for more than two weeks, or if you are using alcohol or scrolling to numb out. After physical trauma, depression anxiety PTSD symptoms can be common, so getting support is a practical step, not an overreaction. If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services.

Q: Can I build resilience if I’m already exhausted?
A: Yes, but think “micro-actions,” not makeovers. Choose one recovery anchor each day: hydration, a short walk, a shower, or one nutritious meal. Protecting your baseline energy makes every other coping skill easier.

Build Resilience Through Small Steps in Confident Life Transitions

Major life changes can leave even steady people feeling untethered, especially when answers aren’t clear and emotions run high. The path forward is a mindset of empowerment through change, meeting what’s here with self-compassion, steady support, and ongoing adaptation rather than forcing certainty. Over time, those small choices create more confident life transitions, clearer boundaries, and a growing belief in what’s possible. Resilience is built in tiny moves, repeated with care. Choose one small step today, write down what’s within your control, name one support to reach for, or set a gentle next decision, and let it be enough for now. That’s how building resilience becomes personal growth that strengthens health, connection, and stability for whatever comes next.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Review: The Success Myth

Book: The Success Myth, Letting Go of Having It All

Author: Emma Gannon, speaker, bestseller author, and podcaster

Key message of the book: “The Success Myths” encourages readers to examine what is our modern world’s usual idea of success – more achievement, money, status, productivity and fame – and to embrace instead a success definition that is personal and shaped by a person’s unique values, relationships and a lifestyle that represents who that person is in an authentic fashion, free of any conditioning from society or social media.

The book is born from the author’s personal story of burnout and overworking.

Each chapter debunks a success myth with anecdotes from the author, some level of criticism and insights from other authors and researchers to support the author’s main point; and ends with pointy reflection questions for the readers.

The following success myths are presented in the book:

  • There is no success formula – that is universally reliable for all human beings – because there are many factors that shape a person’s success – including personal history, behavior, gifts, and sheer luck. “If someone acts as like they have the answers to what you should do with your life, be wary of them”. Emma goes on and notes “we can spend our entire lives trying to work out other people’s success formula – or we can try a new formula, our own formula – which is doing our very best with what we have and finding ways to enjoy ourselves along the way.” There are, however, qualities and behaviors, that can be consistently observed in successful people – and their mindset can be summed up as “they believe in the path they are taking”.
  • The happiness myth – a never ending and permanent state of happiness does not exist, in part due to our primitive human brain that wants to protect us by over-reacting to perceived dangers: “Many of us have the idea that one day we will crack the happiness code, that once we make it, we will reach an everlasting state of contentment.” Not running away from negative emotions and accepting them is avoiding a happiness trap that would prevent us from embracing the temporary joys in life: “If we can’t be happy right now in whatever way possible, we won’t be happy if all the things we ever wanted fall into our laps.” Forcing happiness or looking at happiness as a test that we need to pass is toxic positivity and out of touch with the reality of the wide range of human emotions.
  • The productivity myth – working hard is a virtue unless when it leads to burnout, excessive stress or nervous breakdown: “Rest feels like an act of rebellion in a world that doesn’t want us to stop.”; “For a lot of us, we were praised as young children for how much we worked, and our hard work was seen as the value we brought to the world, so as adults we build a codependent relationship with productivity. The challenge now is to see our inherent value outside of what we produce in a capitalist world that wants to take, take, take.” To escape this myth, Emma is recommending developing rest as a skill and considering process goals in addition to milestone goals. For instance, “running a marathon” is a milestone goal, but “enjoying training for a marathon” is a process goal. “As a society, we need to embrace the art of rest, and as individuals we can start to set better boundaries and see our value outside of our output. Only then can we truly enjoy the process of achieving our goals.”
  • The “You are not your job myth” – a job is something you do that shouldn’t define your identify, purpose or worth. “Untangling ourselves from our work selves is quite the task, because work makes up such a large, and important, proportion of our lives.” – “When we wrap ourselves up so tightly in our work, we are in danger of losing important parts of ourselves” and neglecting important people or aspects of life like health and family. Creating more boundaries between work and home preserves a sense of self and balance that is conducive to feeling fulfilled.
  • The celebrity myth – a celebrity status is not a reliable model for success with so many examples of celebrities feeling lonely and unhappy. “Status brings validation, and it’s natural that we’re all seeking that. We want to be seen, understood and recognized.” However, internal validation and being appreciated by the people in your life are a lot more important for a fulfilled life: “We don’t need to chase outward markers of success or status in a big way to feel seen, as there are so many other ways to feel authentically appreciated and validated. The first step is seeing ourselves. Not through a lens, not through the eyes of thousands of followers, but really, truly seeing ourselves for who we are, and understanding what matters to us. Validating ourselves first is an important but overlooked part of building an authentic sense of status. When we crave the approval of others, really, we are craving our own approval.” ” The key is building recognition on your own terms, having good boundaries and feeling appreciated by the people in your life, not strangers on the other side of a screen.”
  • The money myth – money helps with security and solving problems, but chasing money for the sake of financial success does not guarantee security, fulfillment or a better life. “Your time is also a currency. Your energy is a currency. Your mental wellbeing is a currency.”
  • The ambition myth – ambition is not a problem, until we push ourselves beyond the limits of our bodies and ignore our true needs, which can lead to burnout and self‑abandonment. “We can have big dreams, but we don’t need to burn ourselves out to get there.” We can be “ambitious for a better life. Ambitions for a healthier life. Ambitious on our own terms.”
  • The checkbox myth – ticking the box of certain traditional life milestones – like getting married, buying a house, having kids, or having a certain income – is not a guarantee for a fulfilled life. As per the author, there is no single path to adulthood or success, and we should attain any life milestone without the pressures of society, families or peer comparison.

  • The arrival myth – success is not a finish line we arrive to. “There is an assumption that once we reach a big life or career goal, we will finally be version 2.0 and we will stay there. You will feel different, better. Then the disappointment sets in. We realize the fictional ‘destination’ doesn’t exist.” The author is discouraging from banking happiness on a “future” state or goal – “A lot of enjoying life in the moment is about patience, and the ability to be OK with where we are right now.”

In summary, “The Success Myth” is about being OK with not having it all and responding to a critical question with honesty: “How much is your current version of success costing you? If it’s costing you too much, what, if anything, are you prepared to give up?” The answer does not mean giving up to everything or to, too much, it’s finding your own equation for success: “Enjoy the ride, enjoy your success, whatever that means for you.”

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Review: Essentialism

Book: Essentialism, The Disciplined Pursuit of Less

Author: Greg McKeown, speaker, bestseller author, and podcaster

Key message of the book: Essentialism is a practical and insightful guide about a lifestyle and mindset, defined by making the wisest choices – at all times – in terms of how we spend our limited time and energy:

“The life of an Essentialist is a life lived without regret. If you have correctly identified what really matters, if you invest your time and energy in it, then it is difficult to regret the choices you make. You become proud of the life you have chosen to live.”

As per the author, the essentialism is not about getting more things done nor about doing less for the sake of doing less – it is about operating “at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential”.

The core mindset of an essentialist is doing “the right thing the right way at the right time”.

The core truths of an essentialist are: “I choose to”, “Only a few things matter“, and “I can do anything but not everything”.

Essentialists understand that:

  • We all have the ability to choose, and we need to heighten our awareness to such ability. When we forget this core truth – our ability to choose- “drip by drip we allow our power to be taken away until we end up becoming a function of other people’s choices – or even a function of our own past choices.”
  • There are always trade-offs to make: “As painful as they can sometimes be, trade-offs represent a significant opportunity. By forcing us to weigh both options and strategically select the best one for us, we significantly increase our chance of achieving the outcome we want.”
  • We can live a life by design vs by default – by distinguishing “the vital few from the trivial many”, and by removing “obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage.” The result of such discipline – of saying no to some choices, of choosing wisely, of eliminating nonessentials – is living “a life true to yourself, not the life others expect from you“: “Everything changes when we give ourselves permission to be more selective in what we choose to do.”
  • We need to create space to think, explore, and recharge. Sleep, for instance, is a necessity and a priority to achieve the highest levels of mental contribution.
  • We need to be ultra selective: “If it isn’t a clear yes, then it’s a clear no”. An essentialist applies tougher criteria for decision making. For instance, the “90 percent rule” means applying the single most important criterion for a decision and give each option a score between 0 and 100. Any option rated lower than 90% gets eliminated.
  • We need to be intentional about our choices and such clarity brings breakthroughs and focus on the right things and people in our lives: “Creating an essential intent is hard. It takes courage, insight, and foresight to see which activities and efforts will add up to our simple point of contribution. It takes asking tough questions, making real trade-offs, and exercising serious discipline to cut out the competing priorities that distract us from our true intention. Yet it is worth the effort because only with real clarity of purpose can people, teams and organizations fully mobilize and achieve something truly excellent.“
  • We need to learn to say no and set boundaries as often as necessary. Saying no is hard because it’s engrained in our human wiring to depend on others – when our survival was tied to belonging to a tribe, hunting together for food: “Nonessentialists say yes because of feelings of social awkwardness and pressure. They say yes automatically, without thinking often in pursuit of the rush one gets from having pleased someone. But Essentialists know that after the rush comes the pang of regret. They know they will soon feel bullied and resentful -both at the other person and at themselves. Eventually they will wake up to the unpleasant reality that something more important must now be sacrificed to accommodate this new commitment.“

In summary, eliminating, condensing, limiting, cutting, reducing are ways of Essentialists. When these things happen, Essentialists have time and energy to perfect execution for what is very important in their lives. They do that by practicing extreme and early preparation, starting small and building momentum towards their goals, staying focused on making progress, and celebrating acts of progress – all in what becomes a regular routine -perfected with practice – for long term success: “The Essentialist designs a routine that makes achieving what you have identified as essential the default position. Yes, in some instances an Essentialist still has to work hard, but with the right routine in place each effort yields exponentially greater results.”

Essentialists fundamentally understand two powerful truths:

(1) “of all forms of human motivation the most effective one is progress”

(2) there is only now, meaning being tuned in and doing what is important – right now, not in the past and not in the future.

Over time, with practicing making the wisest possible choices of time and energy, essentialism becomes a way of life that brings meaning and purpose.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Disconnection is not an end but a beginning

Pressures in life can be insidious and, from time to time, the pressure cooker gets unbearable. We admit to these pressures often after the water has boiled over, and we understand that the disconnection was a natural consequence of absorbing spoken or unspoken and acknowledged or yet-to-be-acknowledged pressures.

The story of our modern and highly interconnected lives is pressure… to fit in, to be successful by societal standards, to be and do it all … while pressure for our early hominins was getting chased by lions in the savannah. These modern life pressures can come from the most well intended people around us, from ourselves or from standards that, at times, we set too high. They could also come from people who, at the end, are consciously or unconsciously not well intended, with whom we have yet to set proper boundaries.

lf you are at one of these crossroads – where disconnection is what you feel in the moment or have been feeling for a while, the sooner you befriend it, the sooner you can come to grasp with it and use it for your growth. This is an opportune moment to start afresh, more self-aware of what it takes to keep a healthy and happy self – you!

A practical guide to transform a “disconnection” crisis follows below with 5 critical steps:

  1. Pause and Journal: You can’t outrun disconnection. The longer you live with it, the higher the risk that it turns into something more severe, for instance burnout or physical ailments. Even a few days of feeling disconnected warrants a pause. You deserve it. Then jot down what weighs heavy in your mind or body – in full or partial sentences, or simply words – connected to the pressures that might have burdened you lately. You know you are getting to the end of your list when your journaling starts being about what you are grateful for and what your heart yearns the most, including feeling appreciated and loved, which are fundamental needs that motivate our behaviors.
  2. Evaluate these pressure points with your morality and values compass: Once these pressures points are exposed on a piece of paper, it is easier to acknowledge and analyze them. What is real versus perception? What comes from your judgment or the judgement of others? Which ones should you give weight to? Which ones deserve an honest conversation with yourself or someone in your life? Which ones would you want or need to carry forward? Which ones should you leave behind as not aligned with your true values, needs or aspirations?
  3. Rest: Physical rest, be it longer sleep or naps, and taking time for yourself are oxygen to human life. It is when rest lacks that pressures accumulate until everything snowballs into disconnection, burnout, disease or depression. No matter how temporary your state of disconnect has been, give yourself a good few days of rest.
  4. Commit to a fresh start with at least one identified change: With a rested mind and body, and more self-awareness, you can finally see through what has been weighing you down and what adjustments you need to make – big or small- to free yourself from undue pressures. Think in terms of what you need to do to cut the source of pressure points that don’t deserve your focus and energy. As to due pressures, even if there is no immediate action you can identify as needed to be taken, the simple fact of having cleared your mind, will position you to embrace what the day brings and your responsibilities with more clarity and energy.
  5. Remember you are your biggest asset: The danger of disconnection is feeling like a stranger in your own life, and that can remove agency and alter your choices and with them, your future over time. Health can also take a toll from prolonged disconnection. That is the opposite of what we owe to ourselves: self-compassion, self-connection and self-care. When we are our biggest supporters, we can also be better supporters of people around us.

Author Kamal Ravikant noted:

“Pain doesn’t last. And when it’s gone, we have something to show for it: growth.”

Likewise, disconnection doesn’t last … if we let it speak to us and shape the adjustments we need to make in our lives.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Review: Wild Courage

Book: Wild Courage, Go After What You Want And Get It

Author: Jenny Wood, a former successful executive at Google, and a speaker and writer on leadership development

Key message of the book: “Wild Courage” is an easy-to-read book, written with a clear purpose to fuel your personal and professional growth ambitions. With a lot of anecdotes and funny stories from her own life and career, the author is reframing nine negatively labeled traits into skills to develop to achieve success.

Each of these nine traits is defined by the author with the word “courage”:

  • Weird is “the courage to stand out”.
  • Selfish is “the courage to stand up for what you want”.
  • Shameless is “the courage to stand behind your efforts and abilities”.
  • Obsessed is “the courage to set your own standard”.
  • Nosy is “the courage to dig deeper”.
  • Manipulative is “the courage to influence others”.
  • Brutal is “the courage to protect your time and energy”.
  • Reckless is “the courage to take calculated risks”.
  • Bossy is “the courage to listen and lead”.

Courage is presented as key to success: “Successful people take action despite their fear. They muster the courage to do what’s necessary to succeed before it’s encouraged by others -or even considered socially acceptable.”

Each trait is defined in a new perspective, a constructive and positive one, in a way that makes it clear why such trait is necessary to get what we want in life.

  • Weird is owning your greatest strengths and being authentic about them “instead of second-guessing yourself out of desperation to fit in.”
    • “It’s about being yourself and revealing that self appropriately, both in your resume and everywhere else.”
    • “Figuring out who you are – how you think and solve problems, what you enjoy and dislike, the values that matter most -is essential in (a) deciding what to chase in life and (b) actually catching in.”
  • Selfish is the courage to “champion your agenda at least as strongly as you champion the needs of others.”
    • “Fighting for yourself just as enthusiastically as you fight for your friends and colleagues.”
  • Shameless is “no more apologizing for who you are and what you can do”. While shame is “a normal and healthy reaction”, “applying shame’s energy to finding a solution brings relief. Taking action tells your brain that you’re solving the problem. It’s the lingering shame that has to go.”
    • “Shame doesn’t care what you’re saying or asking. It just wants you quiet, inoffensive, invisible -“safe”. Opening that big mouth habitually builds that shameless muscle.”
  • Obsessed is having the inner drive to excel. “When you’re obsessed, you find the discipline to get out of your own way” and adopt a growth mindset where everything can be learned: “I’m not the leader I need to be yet”, while taking care of your physical and mental health and having proper boundaries.
    • “Obsession derives from two convictions: (1) that what you want matters and (2) that you can achieve what you want with sufficient effort.”
    • “You will never grow and evolve without pushing yourself to do the hard, careful and deliberate work that tests the limits of your capabilities.”
  • Nosy is letting curiosity be a compass, without being too aggressive, obnoxious or disrespectful in interactions with others.
    • “Ask [questions] politely, prioritize the mutual win and act on what you learn”.
    • “Answer questions with the same degree of vulnerability, authenticity and candor you expect from others.”
  • Manipulative is not about using others but “being influential, inspiring, motivating and persuasive” by adding positive energy in any room – in a truthful and authentic way.
    • “Warmth isn’t being complicated. It can be as simple as framing a neutral message in a more positive way.”
  • Brutal is being “direct, clear and consistent with your words and actions.”
    • “To achieve your goals, you must commit to spending your time and energy in accordance with your true priorities, no matter how painful it sometimes feels.”
    • “Brutal frees up time, energy and mental bandwidth”.
  • Reckless is to “err on the side of action”.
    • “You can seek perfection or progress. Not both. And, unlike perfection, progress is possible.”
    • “To the fragile ego, any failure is unacceptable. Successful people fail far more than most people do.”
  • Bossy is about being a “genuine boss: an empathic, supportive, yet decisive leader who knows when to speak up and when to listen, when to let the team figure a problem out themselves, and when to step in with help and a fresh perspective.”
    • “Use your power responsibly”.

This book review by Growth Is A Journey is an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Resolutions vs Commitment

At the beginning of every year, there is a lot of talk about New Year’s Resolutions. Many of them become already obsolete or failed attempts by the end of January.

I’m a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, goals and vision boards. I started doing some of these practices with my kids as well to get them to think of life achievements in many ways, including in terms of setting and reaching specific goals.

New Year’s and birthdays are a great time to set new resolutions and goals because we benefit from the “fresh start effect”, a psychological boost that helps us build momentum for creating change and new habits. But one of the most critical considerations for successful resolutions is commitment.

How committed are we to our goals?

As a kid, every time my mom asked me to do something, she always reminded me to first get committed to doing it well. I wondered at times if she had some magic power to know when I was not committed 100% because she knew it. Once, she told me to stop doing something I was doing to help in the house and go back and play. I felt the sting of disappointing my mom but above all, I got the lesson that shaped my strong work and learning ethic. A job well done is one that starts with the commitment of doing a good job. Not a perfect job … but one to which best effort is put forward.

Returning to the concept of New Year’s resolutions, to which goal or goals are we really committed to?

… To put the best effort forward even when no one watches.

… To take matters into our own hands and design a strategy with the resources and ideas we have today. No perfection required, just a genuine start.

… To do the hard work even when the easy work could be tempting.

… To be consistent with habits, behavior or action that are required to reach our goal.

… To start again tomorrow even if we feel we might have failed today.

… To take ownership of the momentum created over time with consistency and efforts, and adjust as necessary to reach the end goal.

Sometimes, our commitment is driven by pressure, social comparison or fears. But this type of commitment is weak and cannot endure. Pursuing goals from such commitment usually leads to stress, burnout or lack of fulfillment.

Real commitment comes when we set resolutions from our most honest and sturdiest self. If clarity lacks, there are a few questions that can help. For instance:

  • If there is one goal or change that if achieved by the end of the year would make you truly happy – what would that be?
  • How would you like this year or chapter of life to be remembered and how can you get there?
  • Start with the end in mind – at the end of your life, what would you like people to say about you?

The question is not what New Year’s Resolutions we have set.

The real question is what are we willing to commit to and why?

As a practical application of this reflection, think about any goal you have set or are considering setting for this year, and go through the above questions to test your commitment to it. This can be done for both personal and professional goals. Only when we are ready to truly commit to what it entails to reach a goal – meaning understanding our what, why and how – we can position ourselves for successfully reaching it. And most of the time, the real success is not in reaching a specific goal, it is in the growth achieved in the process. 

As James Hollis describes in his book, “Living an Examined Life”:

“Our life begins twice: the day we are born and the day we accept the radical existential fact that our life, for all its delimiting factors, is essentially ours to choose. And the moment when we open to that invitation and step into that accountability, we take on the power of choice.”

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Review: The Path To Positivity

Book: The Path To Positivity, Proven Positive Thinking Techniques for Getting Motivated and Living Your Best Life

Author: Caitlin Margaret

Key message of the book: The Path To Positivity is a practical, well-researched and insightful guide for developing a positive mindset, with all its benefits such as better mental and physical health, and more successful life outcomes. As per the author, positivity is not forcing a smile at all times. True positivity is the result of consistent practices such as challenging our negative thought patterns, cultivating mindfulness and gratitude, and embracing imperfection, self-care and self-compassion. Caitlin further posits that positivity is not developed overnight or to perfection; it is a continuous journey that reminds us of our imperfections and humanity – “Every deep breath, every consciously created thought, every choice you make to try again after failure, every positive emotion you share with another person is evidence that you are capable of creating a positive life“.

One favorite quote from the book: 

“You find positivity not by achieving every desire you’ve ever had or optimizing every moment of your life, but by realizing who you are on the deepest level: a Wise Mind, rooted in important values, learning and growing from every experience, cultivating the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that support you along the way.”

This brief book review by Growth Is A Journey is an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.