Posted on by Helene Johnson

Managing Overwhelm

Diocletian Palace – Cathedral Bell Tower, Split, Croatia

Nelson Mandela once said: “The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Likewise, being productive and determined in the pursuit of one’s goals does not mean living a life without overwhelm. It is quite likely that sooner or later, or at repeated times, we find ourselves in a state of overwhelm, challenged by the scope or number of challenges to tackle, be it at home, work or both.

Overwhelm is usually experienced as anxiety, stress, or lack of control over our daily routines and life experiences.

The feeling of overwhelm is not entirely bad news, as long as we are dealing with it effectively.  This doesn’t mean that we should focus our energies to banish it once and forever. It simply means that every time we feel overwhelmed, as often as that might happen, we don’t spin out of control, but we use our gained awareness for self-empowerment, by turning the state of overwhelm into a steppingstone for growth and as feedback for continuous improvements in our lives.

There are three simple steps to managing overwhelm, which I call ABC:

  • Step 1: Acknowledge
    • Taking gauge of our overwhelm levels is critical to avoiding burnout and operating at our highest productivity levels. Chronic or acute pain, lack of sleep or other physical ailments are typical signs of overwhelm or even burnout.
    • The act of acknowledging overwhelm is allowing us to pause before some recalibration and action. We are, often times, one deep breath away from the path that leads to success.
  • Step 2: Be bold
    • Simply acknowledging that we are overwhelmed does not mean conquering overwhelm. Even if we might not feel like it, it is important to set ourselves into motion – by thinking of what’s most important for us to do in that moment, and what steps we can take. Then, simply go about it and do it! This could include making a phone call, signing up for a class, or simply taking a nap or many naps if you are chronically tired.
    • Boldness can be in the action to be taken but it could also be in what we are deciding to no longer act upon, or in what could be placed on hold, abandoned or replaced.
    • This step is, at the end, deciding in that particular moment what our top priorities are – at least on the very short term – which ought to be aligned with our top values and in touch with our limited time and resources. This can be done by assessing what can wait, what is time sensitive, what is important, what can be delegated, or where we might need to get help…If this part is hard, use the 5-year test … imagine yourself 5 years from now and think of what would matter the most that you have done or achieved in that moment.
  • Step 3: Celebrate
    • We are human beings and not human doings.
    • Often times, we underestimate the power of rewarding ourselves after taking a first step, reaching a milestone or meeting a goal. The more we celebrate ourselves and grow into our biggest cheerleaders, the happier and more resilient we become.
    • A reward can take many forms including rest, time set aside for a hobby, or simply being around positive people, who understand the cathartic power of celebrating wins and victories of ourselves and of these around us.

As simple as these ABC steps might appear, they are effective because they are pushing us away from overwhelm into an empowered mindset, confident in and at peace about our choices, priorities and immediate action.

And if you are on the lookout for some further tips on managing overwhelm, several listed below were learned the hard way on my own personal and professional journey:

  • Every time you remember something to do or act upon, write it down in your notebook, planner, or your calendar, …
  • Do a regular brain dump…listing all items that are on your mind, some of them turned into clutter.
  • If you can’t make progress or you have too many things you would like to accomplish, make a point to spend 15 minutes on each of your goals every day or have dedicated blocks of time in the week for your top 3 goals. If you have more than 3 goals, think about what can be put on hold or sequenced in a way that doesn’t put stress on your limited resources. Think what goals could be thought of in terms of ranges and could be deemed achieved whether it’s at minimum, average or maximum levels: e.g. the goal of being fit could be deemed achieved in a week by going to the gym anywhere between 2 and 5 times.
  • Be mindful of how many workstreams are started vs completed. It can be more productive and less stressful to not start something new, until the item that might clutter your planner, or mental and physical energy is covered. Sometimes it takes overall less energy to get that item done, rather than to carry it through on your to-do list from a day, week, month to another – taxing your energy and happiness levels.
  • Ask for help, rest, take breaks. This is something that could make type A personalities uncomfortable, while high achievers understand that balance and high productivity are not something we achieve 24/7 but an optimization function across emotions, resources, energy, and responsibilities.

Although our brains like us to think we are perpetually in survival mode, it behooves us to draw a line in the sand and pragmatically deal with overwhelm. We are powerful human beings with the capacity to pause, take action, then celebrate; these are three simple steps which, if turned into a lifestyle, have the potential to lead to beautiful and fulfilling lives.

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 5 Comments

To Suffer with Grace

Those who know me well know I love hot yoga…I love the feeling of being hot especially during cold winter days and of pushing through 26 poses that challenge both my body and mind. During one such awesome class with heat above 105 Fahrenheit, the instructor told us the following: “Let me tell you a secret: we all suffer…[students laughing]…but who can suffer with grace?”.

Since that class, I’ve been pondering over the concept of “suffering with grace”. Aging with grace is a more popular concept … but what about suffering with grace?

The word grace can be described in many ways, but one potent meaning is “ease and suppleness of movement or bearing“ as per Merriam-Webster dictionary. Add suffering to this ease of movement or bearing… and what do we get?

First, to not suffer with grace is easier to characterize than to suffer with grace. Let’s think about behaviors like anger, depression, addictions, and so on. Grace is absent here because under such behaviors, we have fallen prey to the suffering and denied our emotions, the absolute act of suffering and with it, our own healing.

So, to suffer with grace is first about accepting that suffering is part of our human story. In very simple terms, suffering can be defined as an experience or condition we wouldn’t want to live through – if we had a choice – but that is happening or has happened to us. Acceptance is the first step of suffering with grace, as it allows us to embrace, then move through suffering. The act of an embrace is seizing someone or something. Embracing suffering is therefore confining and framing it as a temporary state or condition. We then start moving through it and through any feelings of pain or other negative emotions…

Grace in suffering is also about not getting stuck in our pain, grief, anger or disappointment. In the book “Letting Go, The Pathway to Surrender”, dr David Hawkins talks about the importance of letting feelings come and go: “Letting go involves being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it, and letting it run its course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it.”  Staying stuck in pain or other negative feelings will unconsciously paint our inner and outer world, as per dr David: “when the pressure of suppressed and repressed feelings exceeds the individual’s tolerance level, the mind will create an event “out there” upon which to vent and displace itself. Thus, the person with a lot of repressed grief will unconsciously create sad events in life. The fearful person precipitates frightening experiences; the angry person becomes surrounded by infuriating circumstances; and the prideful person is constantly being insulted.”

Grace helps us to see that suffering is a fluid and temporary condition that takes us to a new version of ourselves, one grown stronger as result of the suffering. Grace is accepting that we might not always immediately comprehend the meaning of suffering but trusting that one day, we will understand it. Suffering might come back – often the case of trauma survivors- but its meaning has been perfected and the grace of suffering acquired like a new taste.

To suffer with grace is to understand that: (1) how we frame suffering determines what we get out of it and ultimately who we become; and (2) we might not be able to control what suffering crosses our paths of life, but we can control how we frame it. Building the ability to frame the meaning of any suffering in a way that expands rather than constricts life is at the end a critical survival and thriving factor … for a life that remains good despite adversities and setbacks. Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, dr. Viktor Frankl majestically states in the “Man’s Search for Meaning”, one of the most read books of many generations: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Lastly, to suffer with grace is removing the stigma of suffering.

We all suffer… from time to time or more often …

We all suffer… for similar or different reasons …

Suffering is woven in all our growth stories…

Hiding our suffering is not suffering with grace. We extend grace to suffering when shame, stigma and self-judgement are not attached to our act of suffering….

This might mean sharing our stories of suffering, with a potential for richer lives and relationships. As Brené Brown beautifully puts it in her writings about vulnerability: “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.” Or it might simply mean keeping our stories to ourselves but keeping our heads up and our hearts in peace even in the midst of turbulent times and our suffering… The inner knowing and conviction that everything will work out for the better bring courage and grace to our suffering, and fuel compassion and self-compassion, a necessity for sustained grace.

Grace in suffering also does something very important: it brings solutions and breakthroughs to problems, courage to seek help and resources, or new perspectives. As poet and memoirist Maya Angelou said it: “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude”. 

We all suffer but who can suffer with grace….?

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Empowering Strategies for Sustaining Vitality and Achieving Long-Term Success

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By Guest Writer: Donna Erickson

Donna Erickson is a retired public educator. She created Fit Memory with a few friends as a way to promote wellness among senior citizens with the hopes it will help inspire others to make the most of their golden years.

Entering your midlife years is a significant milestone, marking a period of reflection and potential transformation. This pivotal stage offers a unique opportunity for you to reassess your life’s path and make meaningful changes. Embracing this journey with the right mindset and tools can lead to a renewed sense of purpose and well-being.

Cultivating Wellness in Mind and Body

In your midlife, taking care of your physical health is crucial. Engage in regular exercise, which improves your physical fitness and boosts mental health.

Balance this with a nutritious diet, rich in fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins, to fuel your body and mind effectively. Equally important is ensuring you get enough rest; quality sleep rejuvenates your body, enhances mood, and sharpens your mind, laying a foundation for a healthier, more vibrant you.

Addressing Substance Use Challenges

When facing substance use issues, it’s vital to understand the process of seeking recovery help. Professional support, such as rehabilitation programs and counseling, is crucial in offering guidance and strategies to overcome dependency.  Opting for the best rehab centers in the US is a testament to your commitment to a healthier, substance-free life.

This decision not only aids in recovery but also marks your strength in reclaiming control over your well-being. It’s no secret that rehab can harm a budget, but many facilities offer payment plans, and some even accept health insurance. Take time to research the accommodations, prices, and patient reviews of various rehab centers. Actively seeking help is your essential first step toward a successful journey to recovery.

Exploring the Roots of Unhappiness

This phase in life is a prime time for introspection. Delve deep into understanding the root causes of any dissatisfaction you may feel. This process involves honest self-assessment, possibly with the assistance of therapy or journaling. By identifying and confronting these underlying issues, you create an opportunity for profound personal growth and the chance to align your life more closely with your true desires and values.

Injecting Adventure into Your Life

Midlife is the perfect time to step out of your comfort zone and embrace new adventures. Whether it’s traveling to a destination you’ve always dreamt of, learning a new skill, or pursuing a long-neglected hobby, these experiences invigorate your spirit and bring a fresh perspective to life. Such adventures can reignite your passion for life, introducing you to new people, cultures, and ideas.

Redefining Style for Confidence

Consider giving your wardrobe a makeover to reflect the person you are today. Updating your style can be a powerful way to boost your confidence and self-image. This doesn’t necessarily mean a complete overhaul; even small changes, like incorporating more color or trying new styles, can have a significant impact. Dressing in a way that makes you feel good can change how you see yourself and others perceive you.

Fostering Laughter and Positivity

Incorporate more humor and positivity into your life. Laughter is not just a temporary escape; it’s a powerful tool for coping with stress and improving overall well-being. Seek out sources of humor, be it through movies, books, or time with friends who make you laugh. Adopting a more positive outlook can help you navigate midlife challenges gracefully and resiliently.

Enriching the Mind Through Literature

Dedicate time to read about the midlife transition. A wealth of literature is available, ranging from expert advice to personal narratives, which can provide valuable insights and coping strategies. This knowledge can offer comfort and guidance, helping you to understand that your experiences are not unique and that this phase can be a time of positive transformation.

Wrapping Up

Embrace your midlife years as an exciting chapter, positioning yourself to navigate this transition with confidence, optimism, and a renewed sense of purpose. This stage in your life is abundant with opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and rejuvenation.

It’s a time to reshape your future into one filled with endless possibilities and fulfillment. See this period not as an ordeal but as a momentous phase to embrace and enjoy actively. Your journey now can lead to profound personal transformation and a richer life experience.

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 2 Comments

The One Word Ritual For A New Year

Kilauea Lighthouse, Kauai, Hawaii

There are many rituals at the beginning of a new year, many of which call for reflection on the past year and setting goals for the year ahead. Without attempting to assign a ranking value to any of these practices, there is one activity that can be covered relatively fast and without time-consuming prerequisites such as collecting pictures or other memorabilia. This is the practice of choosing one word for the new year - a word engineered to capture and manifest an intent for the next 365 days. Granted, it’s sometimes hard to settle on one word solely. But it can be fun and somewhat mystical to think of and select words, that akin to seeds planted in the soil, would emerge and blossom throughout the year, bringing a strong intent or desire into reality. 

The one-word ritual is, in its essence, about getting honest about what we might need or desire the most and making that one word our North Star and anchor in the new year. It is a practice that can be applied in both personal and professional settings, as it relates to taking stock of past and current results and setting an intention for higher aspirations and improved outcomes.

The following tips are to guide you through an impactful one-word ritual:

  • Fewer vs more: Think about selecting a single word – one which might represent your most intense desire, or which might signal an interest, behavior or necessity across multiple areas of life. For instance, the word “love” could refer to the highest aspiration of an individual – to fall in love with someone – or could be a behavior to engage in – e.g. to respond in love- across all romantic or non-romantic interactions. While it could be tempting to select multiple words in line with our many possible ambitions, at the end, we all have limited time, energy and resources to manage and prioritize. “The 12-week Year” is a book about how to be successful at meeting goals by splitting the year into four quarters with goals, strategy and tactics that are defined, implemented and measured within a 12-week timeframe. If you can’t limit yourself to one word per year, you can consider selecting one word per quarter, add a new word every quarter or limit yourself to two words representing your top aspirations.
  • Personal vs popular: Think about choosing a word that is the most meaningful to you at this time in life. While some words could be popular choices, your word needs to be “yours” – for it to become the catalyst for growth and transformation. A final word choice might require a few sessions of reflection, visualization and getting in touch with your inner self – either at a personal or professional level. For instance, as a leader, you can assess what you need to better focus on or focus your teams on for bigger results and the one word could symbolize the path to get there e.g. simplification. At a personal level, the selected word is to position ourselves to build momentum in a specific direction, hence its power. It’s like opening the door of the Universe to the meaning of this word into our lives with both expected and unexpected learnings and developments to ensue. To give you an example, I choose the word “radical” in a prior year, and that was from the perspectives of an aspiring leader, with a goal to be highly effective in my work and reach a new professional milestone. Fast forward to the end of that year, I experienced several radical shifts in my personal life … beyond the meaning I initially assigned to the selected word. We might argue that, irrespective of any spiritual or religious beliefs, our wisdom -via the choice of a word – meets and creates space for the Universe’s wisdom to manifest the one word into our lives in ways that are not all known to us.
  • Positive vs negative: Think about a word that energizes, motivates or reminds you of your highest aspirations or needs. The one-word should be a reminder of your North Star and an anchor in stormy times. For instance, coming back to the word “love”, love can become the mantra word when you don’t feel you can respond in love, or the love you feel for your family or friends can be the anchor to sustain you when in difficult times. Thinking of the one-word in this framework also acknowledges the realities of life with dualities of emotions and events. For instance, joy, a popular choice of a word, exists and is amplified by moments of sadness. The one-word is not to negate any one side of our experiences or emotions but to carry us through, both to allow us to embrace the good and positive, but also to remind us to remain or grow strong in the face of adversity.

The one-word ritual can be a powerful one for two main reasons. First, it exercises our power of reflection and choice – one word, one intention - which at the end is life-giving as highlighted by James Hollis in his book “Living An Examined Life”: “Our life begins twice: the day we are born and the day we accept the radical existential fact that our life, for all its delimiting factors, is essentially ours to choose. And the moment when we open to that invitation and step into that accountability, we take on the power of choice.” Second, it frames our inner talk which is the beginning of all changes – what we say to ourselves shapes our behavior. Our words, which start with our thoughts, are the inputs that shape our outputs, as Henry Ford puts it: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right“. Likewise, in a professional setting, the one-word is a reminder of a set intention to bring in better results – which can shape our leadership behavior in both good and tough times, our communications and, at the end, the bigger impact we and our teams can make.

May this article be an invitation to choose your word for 2024, and with it, a beacon of wisdom to shine through your experiences throughout the new year.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

The Right Conditions: Discovering Insight and Hope During a Mid-Life Crisis

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By Guest Writer: Donna Erickson

Donna Erickson is a retired public educator. She created Fit Memory with a few friends as a way to promote wellness among senior citizens with the hopes it will help inspire others to make the most of their golden years.

Feeling stuck and lost in the middle of our lives is not an uncommon experience. The mid-life crisis affects anyone, regardless of age, gender, or profession. However, this phase can also mark the start of a transformational journey of reinventing ourselves. Here are some actionable tips on finding inspiration and positivity in a mid-life crisis, presented to you below courtesy of Growth Is A Journey.

Get in shape

Physical health plays a crucial role in our mental and emotional well-being. By working with a fitness and nutrition consultant, you can take the steps necessary to improve your overall health and fitness. A healthy diet and regular exercise are proven ways to improve mental clarity, boost energy levels, and reduce stress. Together with a consultant, you can create a plan to meet your fitness goals, track your progress, and stay motivated. This can be the first step in a positive and healthy direction.

Travel

Traveling can provide a renewed sense of wonder and excitement. Exposing yourself to different cultures and environments can open your mind to new perspectives. Traveling is a chance to escape our daily routines and immerse ourselves in new experiences. It can be a great opportunity to re-evaluate and reinvent ourselves in a new place. Whether it’s a nearby city, another country, or a remote village, traveling is an opportunity to broaden our horizons and recharge our batteries.

Volunteer

Volunteering is a powerful way to connect with people and give back to the community. It’s a chance to make a difference in the lives of others and feel good about oneself. Volunteering offers us the opportunity to interact with people from different backgrounds and experiences. This can help us develop empathy and compassion, which can be instrumental in our journey of self-discovery.

Set limits between job and personal life

One of the significant sources of stress in our modern lives is the lack of work-life balance. The constant pressure to perform and compete can take a toll on our mental and physical health. Setting clear boundaries between work and personal life can be a game-changer. This means committing to a set of work hours and then disconnecting from work when the day is done. This can involve turning off notifications, setting a “no emails after hours” rule, or not working on weekends. By taking care of our personal lives, we can improve our overall sense of well-being.

Take classes to pursue a passion

In the pursuit of your dream career, now is an opportune moment to take decisive steps forward. For those aiming to delve into the dynamic field of data science, for example, earning an advanced degree can be a pivotal move. With an online master’s in data science, you can balance advancing your education with maintaining a full-time job or managing family responsibilities, thanks to the flexibility and accessibility of online programs. It’s essential, however, to choose an accredited online school that not only provides a quality education but also offers competitive tuition rates. By taking this strategic step, you’re positioning yourself to thrive in the ever-evolving and in-demand realm of data science, turning your career aspirations into achievable realities.

Take time away from technology

In today’s digital world, we’re bombarded with content and notifications 24/7. Constant exposure to technology can be overwhelming and lead to burnout. Taking some time away from technology can help us disconnect from distractions and connect with ourselves. This can involve taking a digital detox weekend, turning off notifications for a few hours, or committing to a daily meditation practice. Rediscovering the value of unplugging can be a game-changer in fostering mindfulness and self-awareness.

A mid-life crisis can be the start of a transformative journey toward self-discovery and empowerment. By taking care of our physical, following our passions, and disconnecting from technology, among others, we can navigate this phase with positivity and inspiration. Remember that finding inspiration and positivity is a process, not an event, but by taking concrete steps, we can make the journey a fulfilling one.

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 1 Comment

Happy New Year!

2023 is one of these years that I wouldn’t want to let go off – so good and extraordinary. Thank you 2023!

As I reflect on what has made 2023 an extraordinary year, a few insights transpire:

– An extraordinary experience is lived twice, as it starts with what we allow ourselves to dream of.

– An extraordinary experience might often time follow days, weeks, months or years of consistent action, planning, hard work and efforts.

– An extraordinary experience can be an unexpected blessing if we open ourselves up to receiving what an abundant Universe has in stock for each one of us.

An extraordinary year is not one devoid of sad moments or experiences, growing pains or frustrations. It is a year during which we know ourselves deep enough to walk our paths of life boldly –

– with confidence that things will work out no matter the storms that might come our way;

– with grace when we set and express boundaries and expectations for ourselves and these around us;

– with compassion, judging less and loving more, be it ourselves or these we interact with;

– with broader perspectives when emotions might overwhelm us or when we only see pieces of our life and relationships puzzle;

– with wisdom and patience as we sail away into our destinies, one experience and one year at a time;

– with sharp focus, aligned with our values and priorities, while being open to shifts in perspectives, how we think or what we do to reach our destinations.

May 2024 be a healthy and expansive year, with extraordinary growth in our journeys!

One of my favorite poems at the beginning of a new year:

“This is the beginning of a new day.
God has given me this day to use as I will.

I can waste it or use it for good, but what I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something that I have traded for it.

I want it to be gain and not loss; good and not evil; success and not failure; in order that I shall not regret the price I have paid for it.” 

(Author: Heartsill Wilson)

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 1 Comment

Stress Management Strategies for a Better Life

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By Guest Writer: Donna Erickson

Donna Erickson is a retired public educator. She created Fit Memory with a few friends as a way to promote wellness among senior citizens with the hopes it will help inspire others to make the most of their golden years.

In today’s dynamic environment, stress has become an increasingly pervasive challenge, impacting individuals from all walks of life. Recognizing and managing stress is essential for maintaining a healthy balance between personal and professional responsibilities. This article, courtesy of Growth Is A Journey, guides you through understanding the root causes of stress and equips you with strategies to navigate through it effectively.

Uncover the Root Causes of Stress

Stress often emerges from various aspects of life, including work pressures, personal relationships, and financial concerns. Identifying these triggers is the first step toward developing a strategy to manage stress effectively. Understanding that stress can stem from both external circumstances and internal thought processes is crucial in addressing it comprehensively.

Navigate Work-Related Stress

High workloads and challenging environments often lead to significant stress in the realm of work. If you’re currently in a job that feels either overly stressful or no longer presents a challenge, considering a career change can be a key step in enhancing your mental health.

In such situations, you might explore the benefits of pursuing an EdD degree. Online degree programs offer the flexibility to continue working full-time or managing family obligations while studying.

Earning an EdD opens you up to opportunities in areas like curriculum development, policy evaluation, and instructional methods assessment, thereby impacting and improving educational outcomes. This path not only fosters professional growth but also contributes to personal well-being.

Achieve Work-Life Harmony

Striking a balance between professional responsibilities and personal life is paramount for stress management. Establishing firm boundaries and allocating time for personal interests and family can significantly alleviate stress caused by work-life imbalance. Prioritizing personal well-being alongside professional duties is key to maintaining overall mental health.

Tackle Financial Worries

Navigating through financial concerns, particularly those related to debt and credit, is often a key factor in managing stress. Taking proactive steps to improve your credit score is crucial, as it significantly influences your ability to secure loans under favorable terms.

Lenders use credit scores to evaluate the likelihood of repayment, with scores above 740 typically considered excellent. Such scores can lead to better interest rates and loan terms, which can relieve financial stress. Effective financial planning and adept budget management are integral in maintaining a healthy credit score and reducing monetary-related stress.

Optimize Your Diet

Diet plays a critical role in how we cope with stress. Nutritional choices directly affect mood and energy levels, making a well-balanced diet an important factor in building resilience to stress. Incorporating a variety of nutrients into your meals can help maintain stable energy levels and improve overall mental health.

Embrace Mindfulness and Relaxation

Incorporating mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing into your daily routines can significantly reduce stress levels. These techniques foster a sense of calm and help in managing stress more effectively. Regular practice can lead to long-term benefits in both mental and physical health.

Cultivate a Positive Outlook

A positive mindset can act as a buffer against stress. Practicing gratitude and setting realistic goals can help you maintain an optimistic attitude, even in challenging situations. This approach not only reduces stress but also enhances overall life satisfaction.

Prioritize Restful Sleep

The importance of sleep in managing stress cannot be overstated. Inadequate or poor-quality sleep can significantly intensify stress levels, impairing one’s ability to effectively handle daily challenges.

It’s essential to prioritize seven to nine hours of restful sleep each night, as this is beneficial for physical health and mental well-being. Incorporating a calming bedtime routine and creating a sleep-conducive environment can further enhance your sleep, contributing to better stress management.

Conclusion

While stress is an inevitable part of life, understanding its sources and implementing effective management strategies is key to maintaining a balanced and fulfilling life. You can navigate through life’s challenges with resilience and poise by addressing both the external and internal factors contributing to stress. And remember to seek professional support when necessary.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

A Fulsome Life

Finding our way to a fulsome life is a goal and yearning that we all share. It might take different pathways and timelines, but we all know when we have got there. It is that place and time in life when, irrespective of external circumstances, met or unmet personal and professional goals, we live with self-awareness and compassion vis-a-vis ourselves and, subsequently, these around us. It is that time and place in our lives when we recognize we are all on a journey to self-love, and that behind many of our aspirations, shortcomings and frustrations, it is just that – a deep desire for feeling loved, appreciated, and understood.

The journey to a fulsome life is rarely a straight line. It usually zigzags across many chapters and experiences of life, through hills and valleys, deserts and seas, sunsets and sunrises, storms and rainbows… We know we are nearing the destination when the following starts to happen:

  • We are in touch with our body and needs. This practice is under-rated in our busy lifestyles. At times, it takes a breaking point or getting close to a breaking point -mentally or physically – to realize how important it is to listen to our bodies. This might take the form of getting the rest we need or medical attention in a particular area, better nutrition or practicing walking or a new physical activity. Thinking back to how our bodies have carried us through over years and different experiences of life (e.g. including birthing if you are a mom), it is hard not to be in awe at the strength and dignity of our bodies. And beyond the physical needs, there can also be emotional needs impacting our bodies. The extreme might be coming from traumatic experiences. “The body keeps the score” as per psychiatrist Bessel Van der Kolk, as traumatic memories can get stuck in our bodies and come as fragments of images, physical sensations or intense emotions. Unhealed and unprocessed trauma can lead to mental or physical health issues, as well as tendencies to numb emotional pain via destructive behaviors vis-a-vis our bodies.
  • We are in touch with our emotions. This practice is also under-rated in our systems of learning and lives. Teaching about emotions seems to stop in pre-school years, despite the fact that the way we deal with both positive and negative emotions is key to a healthy and joyful life. Dr. David Hawkins in his book “Letting Go, the Pathway of Surrender” talks about the importance of not suppressing or repressing emotions: “Letting go involves being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it, and letting it run its course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it. It means simply to let the feeling be there and to focus on letting out the energy behind it.” It is equally important to allow ourselves to sit with our negative emotions in order to let go of them, as it is to make space for our positive emotions which amplify the beauty and gifts of our life, relationships and the present moment. And this is important because more often unconsciously rather than consciously, “what we are holding inside colors our world“: “To the fearful person, this world is a terrifying place. To the angry person, this world is a chaos of frustration and vexation.”
  • We practice self-compassion which in turns leads to compassion towards others. This practice is often misunderstood or mis-applied. Self-love is not about unhealthy egocentric behaviors which we can fall prey to when putting ourselves and our needs first. Self-love is about us becoming our ultimate best friend and cheerleader in a way that cultivates not the strongest of egos but a compassionate human being. When we show ourselves self-compassion in the purest of ways, we can also more easily share this gift with these around us. When we forgive ourselves for our shortcomings or work-in-progress, we can also more easily forgive others for their shortcomings or imperfections. At times, self-compassion takes the form of setting boundaries; other times, it is building new bridges and reaching out to others with the yoke of judgement surrendered. Dr. Kristen Neff sums it up perfectly in her book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself“: “When we’re mainly filtering our experience through the ego, constantly trying to improve or maintain our high self-esteem, we’re denying ourselves the thing we actually want most. To be accepted as we are, an integral part of something much greater than our small selves. Unbounded. Immeasurable. Free.”

A fulsome life is one where self-awareness and self-love are an anchor and a north star for who we are and what we do. None of this means relinquishing earthly goals and ambitions. It simply recognizes that self-love and self-awareness are catalysts to a fulfilled life. In the long history of humanity, a fulsome life is like a pebble creating a reverberating effect in the ocean of our intertwined lives:

“Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into the water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects” — Dalai Lama.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Review: Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Book: Don’t Believe Everything You Think, Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End of Suffering

Author: Joseph Nguyen

Key message of the book: The story of our human suffering is directly tied to our thinking. This is because our thinking ultimately determines our feelings. The same experience or event can be perceived in significantly different ways by two individuals, based on the meaning each individual has assigned to it. We have the power to move from a state of suffering to a state of being happy, peaceful and free by paying attention to our thinking and reducing it. The more we are in a state of non-thinking – which is akin to being in a state of flow – the longer we experience our natural state of being which is joy, love and peace: “The reason thinking destroys is because as soon as we begin to think about the thoughts, we cast our own limiting beliefs, judgements, criticisms, programming, and conditioning onto the thought, thinking of infinite reasons as to why we can’t do it and why we can’t have it.” The framework to reduce our human suffering is to catch ourselves in our thinking/suffering, and let ourselves guided by our intuition or inner wisdom to “expand our consciousness and experience a deeper feeling of love at all times, which comes from a state of non-thinking.”

One specific learning from the book:  Based on the same principle of non-thinking, there are two types of goals: goals created out of inspiration, which feel expansive, uplifting, light and energizing; and goals created out of desperation, which feel heavy, draining, confining and empty.

One favorite quote from the book: “We can only feel what we are thinking“; ” We’re only ever one thought, one insight, and one idea away from living a completely different experience of life.”

One favorite passage from the book: 

“Buddhists say that anytime we experience a negative event in our lives, two arrows fly our way. Being physically struck by an arrow is painful. Being struck by a second emotional arrow is even more painful (suffering). The Buddha explained, “In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 1 Comment

Book Review: Ikigai

Book: Ikigai, The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

Author: Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles

Key message of the book: The book is focused on capturing the Japanese concept of Ikigai, which can be translated as “a reason for living” or “the happiness of always being busy“. Ikigai is associated with living a long (and fulfilled) life, as demonstrated by the extraordinary longevity of residents of the Okinawa Island of Japan, one of the world’s Blue Zones with the largest population of centenarians.

The authors went on a search to document the lifestyle of Okinawans and discovered that Ikigai was a core component of their longevity, in addition to: maintaining a healthy diet or Okinawa’s miracle diet (with antioxidants-rich food and drinks like green tea and white tea, fish and many fruits and vegetables, and a principle to eating less than our hunger might demand or the 80% rule), practicing low-intensity physical activity (like yoga and tai chi), and keeping close bonds within their local communities.

Ikigai is to be seen as “the reason we get up in the morning” and should be found or discovered at the intersection of our passion, mission, vocation and profession – by addressing the following questions: What we love, What we are good at, What we can be paid for, and What the world needs.

Our ikigai is to be discovered and preserved:

  • Finding our own unique ikigai involves identifying when we are in a state of flow or “optimal experience”, defined further by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as “the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.’ Flow is therefore a clue to our ikigai – “keep busy by doing things that fill you with meaning and happiness” – and a key ingredient for happiness: “The happiest people are not the ones who achieve the most. They are the ones who spend more time than others in a state of flow.”
  • Preserving our ikigai requires resilience to weather adversity and overcome setbacks: “The more resilient we are, the easier it will be to pick ourselves up and get back to what gives meaning to our lives.” Going beyond resilience is antifragility, the ability to “get stronger when harmed“.

One specific learning from the book:  Two additional Japanese concepts interlinked to ikigai are wabi-sabi and ichi-go ichi-e. Wabi-sabi means “the beauty of the fleeting, changeable and imperfect nature of the world around us“. Ichi-go ichi-e means “this moment exists only now and won’t come again.” By focusing on the present and appreciating the beauty of imperfection, we can remain guided by our ikigai in our day to day lives.

One favorite quote from the book: “When we spend our days feeling connected to what is meaningful to us, we live more fully; when we lose the connection, we feel despair.”

One favorite passage from the book: 

“Once you discover your ikigai, pursuing it and nurturing it every day will bring meaning to your life. The moment your life has this purpose, you will achieve a happy state of flow in all you do, like the calligrapher at his canvas or the chef who, after half a century, still prepares sushi for his patrons with love.”

Additional resources: Interview with the author on Urban Chapter blog: https://www.theurbanchapter.com/author-interview-hector-garcia/

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 1 Comment

Book Review: The How Of Happiness

Book: The How Of Happiness, A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want

Author: Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California with Ph.D. in social psychology from Stanford University; https://thehowofhappiness.com/

Key message of the Book: Higher levels of happiness are achievable because – based on research – 40% of our happiness is determined by our intentional activity or behavior, while 50% is influenced by our genetic makeup and only 10% by our life circumstances. This means that 40% of our happiness is within our ability to control through “what we do in our daily lives and how we think.” Our circumstances (e.g. rich or poor, healthy or sick, married or single, getting promoted, moving to a different city or country…) -which are often mistakenly believed to make a huge difference in our lives – don’t create lasting happiness primarily due to a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation – the ability of “human beings to adapt to favorable changes” to the point that these circumstances will no longer provide the happiness boost they once provided. Furthermore, even if we are born with a lower set point for happiness due to our inherited genes, there are strong reasons and perks to undertake some “happiness work”: “In becoming happier, we not only boost experiences of joy, contentment, love, pride and awe but also improve other aspects of our lives: our energy levels, our immune systems, our engagement with work and with other people, and our physical and mental health.” Based on research, happy people are also “better leaders and negotiators and earn more money”; they also live longer.

With 40% of our happiness being driven by our behavior, the author documents several “happiness boosting” activities that an individual can undertake to increase his/her happiness level. An effective “happiness strategy” takes into account each individual’s strengths, weaknesses, values, needs and lifestyle such that practices that are a better fit and come more naturally to that individual are being pursued: e.g. someone might get a higher happiness boost from a walk in nature or a party with friends versus committing himself/herself to a gratitude journal or reading a book. The fit could be identified by what comes more easily or naturally to someone, at least at the beginning.

Happiness-increasing activities, detailed in the book with associated practices and documentation on their proven effectiveness based on numerous studies conducted or researched over the author’s 15-year research career, include:

  • expressing gratitude
  • cultivating optimism
  • avoiding overthinking and social comparison
  • nurturing and investing in relationships
  • learning to forgive
  • increasing flow experiences
  • savoring life’s joys
  • taking care of your body and soul, via meditation, physical activity, and spiritual or religious practice.

The key in becoming happier – activating the 40% of happiness that is within our control – is to commit to and implement happiness practices like the above. These activities boost positive emotions and positive experiences which ultimately increase our happiness level. This is because “Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us…. […] …happiness, more than anything, is a state of mind, a way of perceiving and approaching ourselves and the world in which we reside. ”

Another key to becoming happier is to vary these happiness-boosting practices such that they yield most benefits and avoid us moments of frustration or boredom: “A crucial method of maximizing the impact of an activity is to attend to its variety. So sprinkle a little of this and a little of that, revivify your happiness strategies on a regular basis, surprise yourself sometimes. Regard happiness as an adventure, full of enterprise, developments, and detours.”

One specific learning from the book:  Cultivating optimism is one happiness activity the author recommends. One specific practice for cultivating optimism involves writing a narrative description of your “best possible future self” across all or specific areas of your life on a regular basis. Journaling about your best future self helps gain insights into your own goals, needs, and builds momentum and motivation to achieve your dreams, and be a happier person.

One favorite quote from the book: “The fountain of happiness can be found in how you behave, how you think, and what goals you set every day of your life – there is no happiness without action.”

One favorite passage from the book: “….some people associate happiness-enhancing strategies with people who seem to be too cheery and blissed out to be real….Above all, understand that there are many faces of happiness aside from the ubiquitous smiley face and the inspirational poster. The face of happiness may be someone who is intensely curious and enthusiastic about learning; it may be someone who is engrossed in plans for his next five years; it may be someone who can distinguish between the things that matter and the things that don’t; it may be someone who looks forward each night to reading to her child. Some happy people may appear outwardly cheerful or transparently serene, and others are simply busy. In other words, we all have the potential to be happy, each in our own way.”

Additional resources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/how-happiness

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Review: Time Management In 20 Minutes A Day

Book: Time Management In 20 Minutes A Day – Simple Strategies To Increase Productivity, Enhance Creativity, and Make Your Time Your Own

Author: Holly Reisem Hanna

Key message of the Book: Time management is not a “fit-for-all” set of systems, tools and disciplines. Finding the right practices and tools involves a lot of experimenting, as the author discovered in her own life. The book is a quick read with simple strategies that helped author Holly Reisem Hanna to increase her productivity, creativity and overall well-being as a busy mom and entrepreneur. Holly’s strategies include:

  • Setting daily goals & 30-minute time blocking for all daily activities (especially when we all tend to under-estimate the time needed to complete a task), starting with highest priorities.
  • Reduce digital distractions that could lead to mindless scrolling and un-necessary fear of missing out.
  • Evaluate priorities on a regular basis by doing brain dumps, re-assessing what’s urgent versus non urgent, a short-term versus a long-term goal, and assigning realistic deadlines to all.
  • Simplify, declutter, delegate, batch, and automate whenever and wherever possible.

One specific learning from the book:  Two items worth highlighting are:

  1. Time blocking: the author recommends 30-minute blocks with each “day’s errands, appointments and must-do tasks, starting with your highest priorities”. The strategy is effective because “having a scheduled time for each task lets you know exactly how much you can realistically take on each day, making it easier to accomplish each task.” The practice is presented as something that could be done at the end of each day for no longer than 10 minutes.
  2. “Stop doing” list: in addition to a to-do list, the author is also recommending a “stop doing” list to identify habits, activities and tasks that should be let go off: ” When you get crystal clear on what you don’t want in your life, you become more focused on the things that you do want.”

One favorite quote from the book: “You only get one chance with time; once it’s used up, it’s gone forever.”

One favorite passage from the book:

“When it comes to perfection, the bottom line is this: Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to achieve some unattainable standard. Give yourself and others grace and consider how you feel and what you want to be remembered for – then learn to let the rest go. You are the only one who gets to decide what is a priority in your life and what is not. Do not let an unrealistic mind-set or someone else’s definition of success dictate your task list or your sense of well-being!”

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.