A 20-day challenge to “reflect, recenter and refuel” which started last October could be well thought of as a fiasco as I have yet to finalize it. Five days into the challenge, the “de-clutter your bedroom or office” turned from a one-day undertaking to well over two months of deep decluttering. From room to room and closet to closet, I’ve ended up disposing of a lot of things and leaving a good amount of order behind.

So what has the act of decluttering taught me to the point of making it the topic of my writing today?

• First, the hoarding of a number of papers, printed reports and articles over the last several years made me realize how many good intentions we have day after day – e.g. I will read that report, I will take that class, I will make the phone call – which are not followed through. We might be too busy, we might be unrealistic in overly ambitious expectations, or we might simply fail to act. So the lesson of bags of old papers that are too outdated to read today showed me how important it is to follow through. Once we have a vision of what we need to do or accomplish, today is the day to embrace that dream, plan and implement. Procrastination and lack of determination and decisiveness don’t serve us. That’s the bottom line. Failure to act today is missing on the chance of being who we could be tomorrow and in the future.

• Second, the act of decluttering led to clarity and some amount of peace. It felt like a new start. Making space physically and mentally brought clarity on what I had to discard and why, as well as on what I needed to do next and why. Decluttering forced me to take stock of what’s old and not needed any longer, while making a conscious decision on what items I wanted to hold on to, or which could be added in the future – both in my professional and personal lives. To some extent, decluttering was taking stock of who I have become and of my values, and deciding what still fits me or not, and what still serves me or not,….

• Third, decluttering helped me relive some emotions… the old dress I wore at a wedding, old birthday cards received from family and friends, my kids ‘artwork from kindergarten… the activity was a sweet ride down the memory lane over the span of several years…. Decluttering became a good reminder of how important it is to keep the memories of meaningful experiences alive, and to honor the journey.

Decluttering -be it of material items or of mental thoughts- has the powerful effect of bringing clarity, order, and a renewed motivation and determination to do more and be more.

And if you don’t have days, weeks or months to spend on decluttering, then think of proxy decluttering. For instance:

• What is the one thing you need to do today or what is the one thing (or many) that can in fact be left undone today?
• What is the one thought to keep today and the one (or many) thoughts to discard?
• What is the one action to plan for today and the one (or many) to put on hold?

As Gary Keller noted in #1 Wall Street Journal bestseller “The One Thing”: “The ONE Thing sits at the heart of success and is the starting point for achieving extraordinary results”.

As 2021 comes to an end, this is a time to reflect upon the events of the year with its highlights, lows, successes and lessons learned. We owe this reflection to ourselves, even if sometimes all we want to do is burry the negative in the past. Reflecting on the positive – the wins – has the added benefit of anchoring our lives into a soil of increased confidence and hope. And who doesn’t need such anchor when we face the unknown of a new year….with the COVID pandemic still threatening lives, communities and economies.

Perhaps not unsurprisingly, some lessons learned in 2021 center around change:

• Change happens if we take responsibility for it. Whatever changes we need or desire start with us committing to them and taking the time and resources required for such changes. It could be as simple as planning more family outings – which in turn will result in more quality time and stronger family bonds. In other words, fun times rarely happen by accident or by consuming social media feeds, we are the main characters of our lives and taking the driver’s seat is the surest way to reach our destination. Any change in any area of life starts with clarity about what we want or need to change, and taking ownership for envisioning, planning and executing on the desired outcome.

• Change rarely happens overnight. Momentum is built over time by being consistent in our behaviors and pursuing the actions we need to take in order to bring the desired change or progress. At some point or for particular changes, the momentum is so strong that the transformation becomes obvious to ourselves or others around us. And in this process of changing, we might find new cheerleaders and connections, while, at times, partying ways with some old ones.

• Change is dynamic and ultimately a perpetual state. There are always changes to aspire to, or that become obvious needs in our lives. We are going from one destination to another, from one life transition to another, from one unforeseen event to another, from one emotion to another … Change is a perpetual condition of life. Building the life skills of navigating and adapting to change and thriving under an always-changing condition of life are paramount to moving forward in life.

• Change cannot be rushed. Irrespective of how much we wish for something and do all the right things, some changes can only happen after some pre-requisite lessons, conditions or events have occurred. Passage of time or going through a particular life experience (e.g. a relationship breaking apart, a career or house move) are at times the only bridge to a particular change or outcome. Learning to discern when not to force a change versus forging ahead full speed, as well as learning to accept some life changes and events that are out of our control, both are a powerful catalyst for becoming who we are meant to be and growing into the best version of ourselves.

• Some needed changes are often linked to our strongest (oftentimes negative) emotions. If we pay attention to and lean into what our strongest emotions are telling us, we often times identify what the biggest changes should be for us to break through from what might be holding us back or away from our potential and usually a happier life. For instance, anger is often the result of holding back forgiveness. If we look deep inside and embrace that particular emotion, we receive a key to change – e.g. make peace with the past or with a particular person- which typically involves some level of healing and growing.

• Change provides for an up-to-date roadmap to our priorities, reflective of our values. The more we are in touch with our values, the more we can consciously prioritize required changes to live in alignment with such values. Change becomes a constant act of accountability and alignment, which feeds into a loop that clarifies and preserves our values and priorities. Sometimes it takes hardship or a crisis to understand the importance of a particular value, but once understood, we strive to make a change and build a system, habits and plans around it.

2021 has been a gift unwrapping the powerful impact of continued change. The grace of change comes when we continue to grow and be transformed into a better version of ourselves, one which is truer to our essence and values.

May life-given and purpose-driven change be with us all in the new year!

There is a lot of literature about well-being, and living a balanced life, as a roadmap to a fulfilled life. Touted sometimes as the “new rich”, well-being is marketed as a secret passage to a life of happiness and wisdom, and the opposite of doing or having it all or as much as possible, as directed by societal aspirations and ambitions that we might get trapped in. Indeed, our modern lifestyles tend to blurr the lines between business and personal hours, and oftentimes, high achievers are conditioned to keep going from one milestone to another, from one success to another, from one task to another … This can eventually lead to burnout or dissatisfaction, a feeling that something is missing or that somehow or somewhere, we got lost in the noises of the world and society. One might find himself or herself rejecting either one or the other lifestyle, and with this rejection, either burn and crash, or risk being a little too complacent and deny himself or herself a natural potential for growth. In this mist of potentially good or bad ways, one lifestyle emerges as an enlightened way – a lifestyle called “being”. Not “well-being”, and not “super-being”, but simply “being”. A quote by deceased American make-up artist and author, Kevin Aucoin, could sum it up: “Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up, I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.”

So what is “being” after all and how much of that is “well-being” or “super-being”? Being is becoming as conscious as possible about our thoughts, values, choices and actions. Being becomes a lifestyle when it is a dynamic reflection of our continued experiences and experiments – sometimes with too much well-being or with too much burn and crash. By being, we give ourselves the space and freedom to experience a spectrum of outcomes and emotions, and constantly calibrate our lifestyles between dimensions of well-being and super-being.

The essence of being is finding our “roots” regardless of what’s happening around us or to us, and taking space and presence such that we remain in congruence with our needs and the needs of those around us. Being is derived from the experiences and emotions we live and not the things we consume, it is coming -sometimes in unexpected ways – with experiences that wake us up to what we might be truly needing or defining us but that we had not known up to that point. Once we experience the “being”, there is no turning back, because we understand that this path is uniquely ours to define and live – having gained more awareness and understanding about our true needs, desires and aspirations.

As a composer breathes new life into old music, so too a lifestyle of “being” is the oxygen to an authentic and rich life.

Some strategies and tactics conducive to a lifestyle of “being”:

– make it a practice to be intentional, present and a good listener, regardless of the circumstances or roles you find yourself in.

– keep experiencing with new skills, new ways of doing or responding to events or others, new activities and hobbies. In other words, cultivate a growth mindset and keep looking for ways to grow.

– simplify and declutter. The more overwhelmed you feel, the more simplification might be required to stay afloat or thrive. The easiest way to achieve a goal is to focus on it and avoid distractions or being spread out too thin. It is harder to simplify when you are a high performer or genuinely have many goals, but sometimes less is more and can be the breakthrough to getting to the next level or experiencing well-being and balance.

– get back up after you tripped. Disappointments, failure or frustrations are unavoidable parts of life. Sooner or later, we will experience negative events or emotions. Making the best of something negative, and finding a way to rebound and grow stronger from a bad experience or event is a recipe for inner growth.

– caring is sharing. Self care and care for others are the most efficient ways to reconnect with ourselves and these around us. Caring, sharing, and being vulnerable are a conduit for building positive emotions, resilience and hope in humanity and our own journeys. Being doesn’t happen “on our own” but in connection and connectivity with our tribe, environment and community.

Being is ultimately taking a driver’s seat to life with its ups and downs, and building an unique path of life by the experience of “being” across each experience, event, and decisions we made or face.

As per Merriam Webster dictionary, the impostor syndrome is defined as “a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success“. While there are negative implications if we let the impostor syndrome paralyze us, it is a normal part of our evolution and growth.

In its purest form, the impostor syndrome can reflect a beautiful part of our souls, in particular, the humbleness and honesty we demonstrate by acknowledging how little we know compared to a vast ocean of information, expertise, skills and knowledge that can be acquired during a lifetime or in a specific area. Paradoxically, it can also reflect, although not that intuitively, a good amount of self-confidence over what we know we can become or can do more…even if it doesn’t appear as an immediate achievable outcome. In other words, the impostor syndrome is signaling the potential that we know deeply within us we can tap into further. The impostor syndrome can therefore fuel a continued state of determination, grit and growth mindset, exerting enough pressure and positive stress for us to always improve.

There can be some cyclicity to it as well. In its initial phase, the impostor syndrome can manifest itself more like shyness and lack of self-confidence. However, as we experience real growth, the impostor syndrome tends to loose its grip, because the pull becomes stronger than the push. The pull of who we are becoming is stronger than the push of the past, the fake or limiting beliefs, or the voice inside us who was once a dominating and sabotaging force in our lives… The power of genuine growth manifests itself in that every day, we wake up firmer and more confident in who we are becoming and the why that drives our determination, resourcefulness and perseverance. To get to this phase, it likely took fears, trials, and experimenting with feeling uncomfortable. The impostor syndrome is therefore an indicator that we are growing, perhaps at a higher-than-average speed. In this process and journey of becoming who we are meant to be, we discover than feeling uncomfortable and even “exposed” is actually the path to growth. The impostor syndrome can therefore be the runaway to reaching our potential and dreams.

If you are feeling the impostor syndrome in any area of your life, quiet down for a little and acknowledge your feelings and fears. It can give you great insight into how you can use the impostor syndrome as a catalyst for growth. For instance, if you are a young professional feeling shy and inadequate in a meeting with senior executives, you can spend more time practicing deep breathing and power poses to grow your ability to stay calm and confident in high-stake meetings. If you are a seasoned professional grappling with feelings of not being or doing enough, engage in some authentic feedback discussions with your peers or leaders to more objectively assess how well you are doing, and what your areas of strength or improvement really are.

Regardless of where you are in the impostor syndrome cycle, three powerful truths are key to making the impostor syndrome work for you and not against you:

• Be compassionate with yourself and don’t be afraid to fail: failures and mistakes are actually the path to success. As Henry Ford noted, “failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”
• Change anxiety into enthusiasm: don’t make it about yourself and your fears… but about the people you serve, the values you hold dear, and the bigger picture.
• Take action: even if you feel scared, identify the one step you could take to move forward even if that means to do the exact thing you are feeling uncomfortable about. You will be working your “growth” muscles, until one day, you are perfecting your art instead of waiting for the perfect plan and timing.

With the impostor syndrome most likely to impact, in fact, high-achievers and high-performers, remember the saying from motivational speaker Denis Waitley: “It’s not who you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you are not.”

Over the last few weeks, billions of cicadas, insects with large red eyes, black abdomens and orange wings, have been emerging across Eastern United States, after spending 17 years underground. Because of their periodical emergence, these species – among over 3,000 species of cicadas – are called periodical cicadas and are organized into Roman-numeral Broods. 2021 cicadas are from Brood X and have been spending the last 17 years underground, feeding onto tree roots, maturing before surfacing as adults in order to mate then die. Male cicadas make a lot of noise to attract a mate -cicada “songs” can reach 90 decibels, while female cicadas will lie as many as 600 rice-shaped eggs in woody plant tissues. Once young cicadas hatch, they will fall to the ground and eventually dig their way through to find roots. While their life cycle is long, their life as adults is short, with periodical cicadas dying within 2-4 weeks following their emergence.

Such a fascinating feat of nature can certainly offer a few lessons in leadership and personal development:

–Purpose requires maturity and patience: emerging into our destinies takes time, in the periodical cicadas ‘case 17 years. When we are unclear or uncertain about our lives, calling, next steps or we doubt the process, it’s easy to blame, call quits or sabotage ourselves or these around us. The condition for these periodical cicadas to emerge is a 17-year growth process underground, which marks these species ‘set point for adulthood and readiness. We cannot microwave maturity and leadership and more often than not, growth in these areas happen when challenges, uncertainty or hardship strike. Brené Brown notes in her book Rising Strong how “he or she who is willing to be the most uncomfortable is not only the bravest but rises the fastest“.

–The power of coming together is in both number but also diversity: the swarming of millions of sound-producing cicadas on the clock, every 17 years, is inspiring and awing for more than entomologists. There is power in the numbers in which cicadas emerge, complementarity of their roles (female and male) and a common vision – in the cicadas ‘case, the whole process underpins the survival of these species. In both personal and professional lives, the power of like minded individuals and teams, of shared values and of a shared purpose can move mountains. Likewise, there is power in complementarity and diversity of roles, experiences and perspectives. When we come together and mesh our differences and strengths, rather than find fault or feel threatened, breakthroughs -at an individual, societal and institutional level happen.

–Calling is about surviving and thriving: the emergence of cicadas has a clear purpose: reproduction and continuity of these species. Similarly, we all have our unique purpose. It takes courage and self-awareness to emerge into our purpose. Sometimes, it requires to let go of the expectations of others, find and follow our own voices and calling. Other times, it is letting go of limiting beliefs which no longer serve or have power over us. Many times, it’s simply daring to be, lead, stop, love, let go… Cicadas are showing us how it can be as much as a survival matter to assume our uniqueness and emerge into who we are called to be and who we are capable of becoming.

The cicadas emergence will happen again in 17 years. Who will we be? What will we do? How our planet and lives be 17 years from now? What if we lived the next 17 years with a strong certainty that no matter what happens, we will emerge because that’s woven in our human story? How would we act or be if we knew that irrespective of how deep we dig or fall, we will emerge into our calling?

Additional resource: A fun and educational video on 2021 Brood X cicadas