Growth Is A Journey

Book: Don’t Believe Everything You Think, Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End of Suffering

Author: Joseph Nguyen

Key message of the book: The story of our human suffering is directly tied to our thinking. This is because our thinking ultimately determines our feelings. The same experience or event can be perceived in significantly different ways by two individuals, based on the meaning each individual has assigned to it. We have the power to move from a state of suffering to a state of being happy, peaceful and free by paying attention to our thinking and reducing it. The more we are in a state of non-thinking – which is akin to being in a state of flow – the longer we experience our natural state of being which is joy, love and peace: “The reason thinking destroys is because as soon as we begin to think about the thoughts, we cast our own limiting beliefs, judgements, criticisms, programming, and conditioning onto the thought, thinking of infinite reasons as to why we can’t do it and why we can’t have it.” The framework to reduce our human suffering is to catch ourselves in our thinking/suffering, and let ourselves guided by our intuition or inner wisdom to “expand our consciousness and experience a deeper feeling of love at all times, which comes from a state of non-thinking.”

One specific learning from the book:  Based on the same principle of non-thinking, there are two types of goals: goals created out of inspiration, which feel expansive, uplifting, light and energizing; and goals created out of desperation, which feel heavy, draining, confining and empty.

One favorite quote from the book: “We can only feel what we are thinking“; ” We’re only ever one thought, one insight, and one idea away from living a completely different experience of life.”

One favorite passage from the book: 

“Buddhists say that anytime we experience a negative event in our lives, two arrows fly our way. Being physically struck by an arrow is painful. Being struck by a second emotional arrow is even more painful (suffering). The Buddha explained, “In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: Ikigai, The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

Author: Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles

Key message of the book: The book is focused on capturing the Japanese concept of Ikigai, which can be translated as “a reason for living” or “the happiness of always being busy“. Ikigai is associated with living a long (and fulfilled) life, as demonstrated by the extraordinary longevity of residents of the Okinawa Island of Japan, one of the world’s Blue Zones with the largest population of centenarians.

The authors went on a search to document the lifestyle of Okinawans and discovered that Ikigai was a core component of their longevity, in addition to: maintaining a healthy diet or Okinawa’s miracle diet (with antioxidants-rich food and drinks like green tea and white tea, fish and many fruits and vegetables, and a principle to eating less than our hunger might demand or the 80% rule), practicing low-intensity physical activity (like yoga and tai chi), and keeping close bonds within their local communities.

Ikigai is to be seen as “the reason we get up in the morning” and should be found or discovered at the intersection of our passion, mission, vocation and profession – by addressing the following questions: What we love, What we are good at, What we can be paid for, and What the world needs.

Our ikigai is to be discovered and preserved:

• Finding our own unique ikigai involves identifying when we are in a state of flow or “optimal experience”, defined further by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as “the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.’ Flow is therefore a clue to our ikigai – “keep busy by doing things that fill you with meaning and happiness” – and a key ingredient for happiness: “The happiest people are not the ones who achieve the most. They are the ones who spend more time than others in a state of flow.”
• Preserving our ikigai requires resilience to weather adversity and overcome setbacks: “The more resilient we are, the easier it will be to pick ourselves up and get back to what gives meaning to our lives.” Going beyond resilience is antifragility, the ability to “get stronger when harmed“.

One specific learning from the book:  Two additional Japanese concepts interlinked to ikigai are wabi-sabi and ichi-go ichi-e. Wabi-sabi means “the beauty of the fleeting, changeable and imperfect nature of the world around us“. Ichi-go ichi-e means “this moment exists only now and won’t come again.” By focusing on the present and appreciating the beauty of imperfection, we can remain guided by our ikigai in our day to day lives.

One favorite quote from the book: “When we spend our days feeling connected to what is meaningful to us, we live more fully; when we lose the connection, we feel despair.”

One favorite passage from the book: 

“Once you discover your ikigai, pursuing it and nurturing it every day will bring meaning to your life. The moment your life has this purpose, you will achieve a happy state of flow in all you do, like the calligrapher at his canvas or the chef who, after half a century, still prepares sushi for his patrons with love.”

Additional resources: Interview with the author on Urban Chapter blog: https://www.theurbanchapter.com/author-interview-hector-garcia/

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: The How Of Happiness, A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want

Author: Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California with Ph.D. in social psychology from Stanford University; https://thehowofhappiness.com/

Key message of the Book: Higher levels of happiness are achievable because – based on research – 40% of our happiness is determined by our intentional activity or behavior, while 50% is influenced by our genetic makeup and only 10% by our life circumstances. This means that 40% of our happiness is within our ability to control through “what we do in our daily lives and how we think.” Our circumstances (e.g. rich or poor, healthy or sick, married or single, getting promoted, moving to a different city or country…) -which are often mistakenly believed to make a huge difference in our lives – don’t create lasting happiness primarily due to a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation – the ability of “human beings to adapt to favorable changes” to the point that these circumstances will no longer provide the happiness boost they once provided. Furthermore, even if we are born with a lower set point for happiness due to our inherited genes, there are strong reasons and perks to undertake some “happiness work”: “In becoming happier, we not only boost experiences of joy, contentment, love, pride and awe but also improve other aspects of our lives: our energy levels, our immune systems, our engagement with work and with other people, and our physical and mental health.” Based on research, happy people are also “better leaders and negotiators and earn more money”; they also live longer.

With 40% of our happiness being driven by our behavior, the author documents several “happiness boosting” activities that an individual can undertake to increase his/her happiness level. An effective “happiness strategy” takes into account each individual’s strengths, weaknesses, values, needs and lifestyle such that practices that are a better fit and come more naturally to that individual are being pursued: e.g. someone might get a higher happiness boost from a walk in nature or a party with friends versus committing himself/herself to a gratitude journal or reading a book. The fit could be identified by what comes more easily or naturally to someone, at least at the beginning.

Happiness-increasing activities, detailed in the book with associated practices and documentation on their proven effectiveness based on numerous studies conducted or researched over the author’s 15-year research career, include:

• expressing gratitude
• cultivating optimism
• avoiding overthinking and social comparison
• nurturing and investing in relationships
• learning to forgive
• increasing flow experiences
• savoring life’s joys
• taking care of your body and soul, via meditation, physical activity, and spiritual or religious practice.

The key in becoming happier – activating the 40% of happiness that is within our control – is to commit to and implement happiness practices like the above. These activities boost positive emotions and positive experiences which ultimately increase our happiness level. This is because “Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us…. […] …happiness, more than anything, is a state of mind, a way of perceiving and approaching ourselves and the world in which we reside. ”

Another key to becoming happier is to vary these happiness-boosting practices such that they yield most benefits and avoid us moments of frustration or boredom: “A crucial method of maximizing the impact of an activity is to attend to its variety. So sprinkle a little of this and a little of that, revivify your happiness strategies on a regular basis, surprise yourself sometimes. Regard happiness as an adventure, full of enterprise, developments, and detours.”

One specific learning from the book:  Cultivating optimism is one happiness activity the author recommends. One specific practice for cultivating optimism involves writing a narrative description of your “best possible future self” across all or specific areas of your life on a regular basis. Journaling about your best future self helps gain insights into your own goals, needs, and builds momentum and motivation to achieve your dreams, and be a happier person.

One favorite quote from the book: “The fountain of happiness can be found in how you behave, how you think, and what goals you set every day of your life – there is no happiness without action.”

One favorite passage from the book: “….some people associate happiness-enhancing strategies with people who seem to be too cheery and blissed out to be real….Above all, understand that there are many faces of happiness aside from the ubiquitous smiley face and the inspirational poster. The face of happiness may be someone who is intensely curious and enthusiastic about learning; it may be someone who is engrossed in plans for his next five years; it may be someone who can distinguish between the things that matter and the things that don’t; it may be someone who looks forward each night to reading to her child. Some happy people may appear outwardly cheerful or transparently serene, and others are simply busy. In other words, we all have the potential to be happy, each in our own way.”

Additional resources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/how-happiness

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: Time Management In 20 Minutes A Day – Simple Strategies To Increase Productivity, Enhance Creativity, and Make Your Time Your Own

Author: Holly Reisem Hanna

Key message of the Book: Time management is not a “fit-for-all” set of systems, tools and disciplines. Finding the right practices and tools involves a lot of experimenting, as the author discovered in her own life. The book is a quick read with simple strategies that helped author Holly Reisem Hanna to increase her productivity, creativity and overall well-being as a busy mom and entrepreneur. Holly’s strategies include:

• Setting daily goals & 30-minute time blocking for all daily activities (especially when we all tend to under-estimate the time needed to complete a task), starting with highest priorities.
• Reduce digital distractions that could lead to mindless scrolling and un-necessary fear of missing out.
• Evaluate priorities on a regular basis by doing brain dumps, re-assessing what’s urgent versus non urgent, a short-term versus a long-term goal, and assigning realistic deadlines to all.
• Simplify, declutter, delegate, batch, and automate whenever and wherever possible.

One specific learning from the book:  Two items worth highlighting are:

1. Time blocking: the author recommends 30-minute blocks with each “day’s errands, appointments and must-do tasks, starting with your highest priorities”. The strategy is effective because “having a scheduled time for each task lets you know exactly how much you can realistically take on each day, making it easier to accomplish each task.” The practice is presented as something that could be done at the end of each day for no longer than 10 minutes.
2. “Stop doing” list: in addition to a to-do list, the author is also recommending a “stop doing” list to identify habits, activities and tasks that should be let go off: ” When you get crystal clear on what you don’t want in your life, you become more focused on the things that you do want.”

One favorite quote from the book: “You only get one chance with time; once it’s used up, it’s gone forever.”

One favorite passage from the book:

“When it comes to perfection, the bottom line is this: Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to achieve some unattainable standard. Give yourself and others grace and consider how you feel and what you want to be remembered for – then learn to let the rest go. You are the only one who gets to decide what is a priority in your life and what is not. Do not let an unrealistic mind-set or someone else’s definition of success dictate your task list or your sense of well-being!”

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Author: Dr. Travis Bradberry & Dr. Jean Greaves

Key message of the Book: Emotional intelligence is a critical skill that anyone should be looking at strengthening with research and numerous studies having found it to be “the single predictor of performance in the workplace and the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence” as per the authors Dr. Bradberry and Dr. Greaves.

Emotional intelligence is defined as the set of four skills – self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management – grouped around two competencies: personal competence and social competence.

• Personal competence is “your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies.”
• Social competence is “your ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships.”

The four above-mentioned emotional intelligence skills can be expanded by applying specific strategies. For example:

• Self-awareness is the ability to “accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations” and can be improved by a number of strategies including allowing yourself to feel both negative and positive emotions, keeping a journal about your emotions, understanding and tracking the source of your feelings and triggers, revisiting your values and whether your emotions and behavior are in line with these values, observing the effect your emotions have on others around you, and seeking feedback from others. As we can’t escape our emotions – “your hard-wired emotional reactions to anything come before you even have a chance to respond” – we can only strive to become more self-aware.
• Self-management: is the ability to “use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively” or “to actively choose what you say and do” and can be improved by strategies such as deep breathing, making your goals public, sleeping on a situation before taking action, setting aside time in your day for problem solving and thinking, taking control of your self-talk, visualizing yourself succeeding, and building good sleep habits.
• Social awareness: is the ability to “accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them.” Good strategies for expanding your social awareness include greeting people by name, watching body language, and practicing listening and empathy.
• Relationship management: is the ability to “use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully” and can be expanded by being open and curious, acknowledging other person’s feelings, sharing feedback, showing care, increase transparency on your decision-making, providing constructive and direct feedback, aligning your words and actions with your intent, and taking the high road when entering tough conversations.

One specific learning from the book:  If there is misalignment between your emotions and your words, you could be in a situation where you might be sending a mixed signal that can cause mistrust or confusion in a relationship. The authors explain how the best way to deal with this is to “use your self-awareness skills to identify your emotions and use your self-management skills to decide which feelings to express and how to express them“. At times, “the best bet is to explain what’s happening (i.e. “If I seem distracted, it’s because I can’t stop worrying about a phone call that went awry this morning”).”

One favorite quote from the book: “Getting to know yourself inside and out is a continuous journey of peeling back the layers of the onion and becoming more and more comfortable with what is in the middle – the true essence of you.”

One favorite passage from the book:

“Since our brains are wired to make us emotional creatures, your first reaction to an event is always going to be an emotional one. You have no control over this part of the process. You do control the thoughts that follow an emotion, and you have a great deal of say in how you react to an emotion – as long as you are aware of it.”

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.