Posted on by Helene Johnson

Siri Lindley’s Journey of Doing The Impossible

As part of the Empowerment initiative, Growth Is A Journey is very excited to highlight a story that is well known to so many – as any world champion’s story would be – while reflecting so well the essence of growth as a journey which more often than not starts with a first step of challenging oneself to go beyond fears, insecurities, and unknown.

Siri Lindley‘s amazing and beautiful story of challenging what’s possible and of self-discovery includes becoming a world triathlon champion. But Siri is not only a strong and world-renowned athlete and coach, she is a beautiful human being who lives to see others grow and resonate with her own story of overcoming self-doubt and insecurities: “Creating strength from struggle and learning to live my life from a place of Love, not fear, is such a powerful one: a story that can relate to business, family and all aspects of life! It is my mission to share my message, as I know it can positively influence so many on multiple different levels!!!“ This article – published with Siri’s permission -is a testimony to Siri’s humbleness and love for others. Thank you, Siri.

Who is Siri Lindley? Siri dominated the International Triathlon Union (ITU) World Rankings over the course of her career as a pro, winning 13 World cup races between 2000-2002, and becoming the 2001 and 2002 ITU World Champion and World Cup Series. After transitioning to coaching in 2003, Siri coached a number of Olympic and Ironman athletes and champions. Her accomplishments lead to her being inducted to the USA Triathlon Hall of Fame. Besides triathlon coaching, Siri is also a public speaker, an author and a life coach, and together with her wife, Rebekah Keat, Siri is the co-founder of Believe Ranch and Rescue, a non-profit with a mission to rescue horses from slaughter, abuse and neglect by giving them love, care, a home and a second chance.

How did Siri’s story start? Siri grew up in Greenwich, Connecticut and as a kid who had to go through the sadness and pain of her parents ‘divorce, she had a lot of anxiety, insecurities and fears. She partially managed them via her love for sports and finding mentors and friends in her coaches. She played three sports in high school – field hockey, ice hockey and lacrosse, which she continued playing at Brown University where she earned a degree in psychology. A turning point in Siri’s life was her just missing the qualification for the national lacrosse team after her graduation – this event caused her to be heartbroken and feel lost. In 1992, at 23 years old, Siri was introduced to triathlon by watching a friend race at a local event. The challenge of the sport caught Siri’s attention and despite her very poor swimming skills at the time, she fell in love with the sport. Across a variety of ages, sizes and abilities, everyone “was looking alive” – the opposite of how insecure and afraid Siri had always felt- and “pushing themselves to the limits to see what they are capable of“. All of a sudden, the sport of triathlon presented a vehicle for Siri to challenge herself to dig deep inside, beyond her fears and insecurities. In 1992, she competed in her first triathlon event and despite the race being a total disaster, Siri had made her mind to become the best she can be in the sport and go “as far as she can possibly go”; by 1996, Siri was starting to get better competing at the national level, and by 1999, Siri started rising to the top rankings at the international level.

Siri’s most important lessons in her journey to the podium? Siri’s journey to becoming a world champion encompassed a couple of key lessons that are now woven in Siri’s coaching philosophy:

  • Strength is not about doing everything on your own. By 1999, with a 3rd place in the ITU World Cup series, Siri got obsessed about making the 2000 US women’s Olympic triathlon team. She had gotten so close to proving to herself and everyone around her about how strong she had become on her own, that she felt she had to isolate herself in Australia to focus on her practice, living like a monk for six months and visualizing her perfect race every single day. The big day came and instead of the perfect race, within 200 meters, Siri got dunked into the water, which caused her to finish the swim near last and qualify only as an alternate. She had made the race to be all about herself and it was too much. In acknowledging what happened, Siri was able to move forward instead of making up an excuse and not getting any better.

  • It is not about winning a race, it is about the hunger of going out and being better than you were yesterday. Following the failed Olympic trials, Siri accepted an invitation to train with Brett Sutton, an eccentric Australian coach, known for his tough love while being one of the best triathlon coaches in the world. For several months, Siri went through a regiment of killer practices, designed to challenge her physical and mental limits and abilities. Instead of quitting, Siri blossomed: she understood that in order to do what she dreamed of doing, she needed to do whatever it took to make that happen, break patterns of self-doubt and insecurities, and change her thinking. Later on, Siri discovered why coach Sutton accepted to train her: he had seen Siri in an early race, and despite being in the 42nd place in that race, during the last few minutes of the race, Siri was absolutely killing herself to catch the 41st place. Coach Sutton had seen Siri’s hunger and desire of being better than she was yesterday. “If you do that, success is inevitable“, Siri says, “having that hunger, passion, work ethic, respect for team mates, and that appreciation for this amazing opportunity to race at this level” changed everything – “it wasn’t about having to make the team or winning a race, it was about the gratefulness of being there and doing my best“.

With the learned appreciation of whom she had become and the gratefulness to race at an elite level, eight years after declaring to her mom that she would win the world championships, Siri’s dreams came true at the 2001 and 2002 Triathlon World Championships and World Cup Series.

In her journey as a coach -life coach and triathlon coach via the Team Sirius program for elite and amateur athletes-, the following Michelangelo quote is Siri’s favorite and representative of her coaching mindset and vision: “I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set her free”.

Another type of battle? In late 2019, Siri had to make another big decision – upon being diagnosed with leukemia, Siri made her mind that she would not accept her life to end so soon: “I am going to survive. I am going to survive and I am going to thrive again.” With strong determination and support from her family, friends and beloved horses, after going through intense treatment that involved a clinical trial and a bone marrow transplant, Siri is cancer-free with another lesson learned: “It’s taught me that life is not a straight line and to never expect that. Yet as someone who finds the gift in everything, no matter how tough, no matter how hard, I mean, this has brought me to my knees—but there has been so much grace and so many gifts.”

During this time of trials, Siri drew often from her life and lessons as an athlete: “You can be in a race and be having a tough day and things are really hard. If you focus only on how bad you feel, how slow you’re going, you’re just going to get worse and worse. But if you’re out there and your legs feel a little tired but your breathing is great and you start focusing on putting out your best effort, focusing on what you can do, not on what you can’t, then suddenly your legs will start feeling better. This kind of thinking is energizing rather than weakening. The lesson in all of this can be related to any aspect of anyone’s life.”

Common throughout all her endeavors, trials, challenges and triumphs, Siri notes: “What I’ve realized through my journey is that we are so much more powerful than we could ever imagine, as human beings. But we don’t want to believe that because it’s scary to think about what we really are capable of. And I’m a believer because I’m living proof that the impossible is really possible. I’m also a believer that you’re going to be afraid, but you’re going to do it anyway. And that’s what courage is, isn’t it?”

For more information on Siri’s work, mission and initatives: Siri Lindley Life Coach

Credit Picture/Source: Siri Lindley
Posted on by Helene Johnson · 1 Comment

Guest Article: 10 Ways to Get Along Better with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere


By Guest Writer Arnold Sanow

Arnold Sanow, MBA, CSP (Certified Speaking Professional), is a speaker, trainer, coach, and facilitator. He is the author of 7 books to include, “Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere” and “Present with Power, Punch, and Pizzazz.” He was recently named by successful meetings magazine as one of the top 5 best “bang for the buck” speakers in the USA.  www.arnoldsanow.com  


Theodore Roosevelt stated, “The most important ingredient in the formula for success both personally and professionally is knowing how to get along and connect with others.” Furthermore, Daniel Goleman stated, “We are judged by a new yardstick; not only just how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also how well we handle ourselves and each other.”

Creating enduring connections with others is a life-long endeavor. Good relationships are vital to our well-being and make a big difference in our effectiveness with customers, co-workers, family, and friends.

No matter how well people get along, even a slight improvement in communication, everyday interactions, and understanding others can significantly enhance teamwork, productivity, customer relationships, and contribute to a positive work environment and culture.

Furthermore, in this challenging environment, everyone is doing more with less, and in this fast pace world, the “niceties” get lost, and working relationships suffer.

Excellent interpersonal skills and building positive connections with both colleagues and customers are the foundation for everything we do. According to a study by Harvard and Stanford University, only 15% of your success in your job concerning building cooperation, getting things done and creating a positive environment will be due to your technical skills and 85% will depend on your communication, emotional intelligence, people skills and your ability to get along.

Here are ten ways to boost your “Get Along IQ” and get everyone singing your praises.

  • It’s not just what is said that is important; it’s what’s not said that derails relationships. Say what’s on your mind. People aren’t mind readers.

  • Before you walk a mile in my shoes, you need to take off yours first. Everyone sees things through different lenses. We all came from diverse backgrounds. Our “rules” are predicated on what we learned from our parents, teachers, coaches, ministers, family, and friends. How is your “rule book,” your should’ s, should not’s and ego getting in the way of getting along with others?

  • Perception is not reality. The fact is my perception is your reality, and your perception is my reality. As humans, we are wired to be biased. Whether it is implicit or unconscious bias, we jump to conclusions, assumptions, and make snap judgments. Take the time to understand and get to know others. Every life has a story if we only bother to look.

  • Understand other first, before having them understand you. If you want to get along, build rapport, relationships, and connect with others, you need to communicate in the ingredients that others find as essential and not just what you perceive as important. The old saying, treat people the way you want to be treated is not valid. The key is to treat people the way they want to be treated.

  • Assume you’re wrong. Before blaming others, take a good look at yourself in the mirror. For example, let’s say a colleague has let you down by not delivering something she promised you by a specific date. Before blaming her, ask yourself, “What is it I don’t want to be responsible or accountable for right now?” Maybe my directions were not clear, or I didn’t check in periodically to make sure there were no problems.

  • Eliminate communication crushers. Here are some of the most common annoying traits, behaviors and communication elements that hinder rapport, relationships, connections and getting along; no appreciation, sarcasm, indifference, unconscious bias, blame, bullying, contempt, harassment, lack of empathy, negativity, apathy, condescending, dominating conversations, demeaning, narcissism, negative body language, hurtful words, and language, demanding personality, not responding to phone calls or e-mail, yelling and backstabbing. 90% of eliminating these crushers is aware you have them.

  • Choose your battles wisely. Surely, there will be times in your life when it is essential to fight for things you believe in. The problem is many people spend their lives fighting over relatively unimportant things that come up daily. This not only causes stress and tension, but it also alienates people around you. Take a look at the big picture. Is it really that important?

  • SOFTEN your image to make yourself more approachable, likable, and trustworthy. People make up their minds about you instantly. To create a positive impression, you need to be aware of the messages your body language is displaying. Follow the SOFTEN formula; Smile, Be Open (arms), Forward Lean/Focus, Territory (distance to be away from someone), Eye Contact, Nodding to show you are paying attention

  • Avoid the misunderstandings that destroy relationships. Assume the next message you send will be misunderstood. One of the keys to reducing misunderstandings is to paraphrase. In other words, after you give directions or receive directions, you might say, “I just want to make sure I understand what you want, you said …….”

  • Watch your language and talk to others in a friendly way. Words can hurt. Look inward before lashing outward, and be sure to taste your words before spitting them out. People get more upset about how you say something (words, language, and tone) then by your viewpoint, attitude, or opinion. Be careful of communication such as; it is what it is; accusing someone; slang and profanity; sarcasm; labels; making threats; and vs. but; talking about sex, politics, and religion; or using words such as whatever or no problem.
Posted on by Helene Johnson

Guest Article: The Art Of Adaptability

How you choose to respond to: change, novelty and uncertainty

By Guest Writer Ami Garcia

Ami Garcia is the founder of The Urban Chapter, a project which came about – in the midst of the ongoing global sanitary crisis – as an acknowledgement that well-being must become top of mind for organizations in order for their employees to thrive. It is Ami’s strong conviction that mental and physical well-being are critical for employees to feel valued and develop their potential within an organization. Ami recently earned a Master in International Trade and Business from a prestigious university in her country, and was an entrepreneur in ecommerce and fashion for 10 years. In addition to her hobby for foreign languages (she speaks four languages), Ami is passionate about raising awareness on well-being and pursues all avenues to learn and spread the science of well-being – including via pending certification on The Science of Well-being, an online curriculum from Yale University.

Original article published here: The art of adaptability – The Urban Chapter

Charles Darwin’s work – The Origin of Species is still relevant today: “it is not the strongest of the species that survives, not the most intelligent. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

The ability to adapt helps us to face challenges, but also to get what we want. I strongly believe that it is synonymous with intelligence.

From the moment we are born we must adapt to change: the extrauterine living environment, the community (kindergarten, school, work), the appearance or disappearance of a family member, the change of the place where we choose to live etc.

Some people with lower level of self-confidence face a loss of initiative and creativity, which keeps them in a constant bad adaptive conflict with the new environment. Wanting to stay in the comfort zone is a natural feeling, not to be condemned and that because our own brain, which exists to ensure survival in the first place, “sabotages” us most of the time.

But we all have the power and freedom to decide. And what very well defines the “functioning” of people easily adaptable to new situations is the ease with which they access the adaptive resources we all have. We could call these people “brave”, right? And courage means being afraid but still deciding to do that thing. So, by making the decision (whatever it may be) one assumes the responsibility of his/her own happiness.

Keys for easy access to own resources in case of a major change:

– ¨You Are The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With¨. So, surround yourself with emotionally stable friends. Protect your well-being.

– Remember that many times the obstacle is the path; in case of failure, you may be told in this way that you are not in the right direction. This means a forced adaptation to an unwanted situation, but you just must learn the lesson and look for the solution to continue.

– Adaptability is a “side effect”, of primary importance, of the sustained process of personal development and one’s own well-being. Just look first inside yourself.

– Be active: from the action is born reaction, opportunity, ideas, relationships. And embrace continuous learning to be ready for the unexpected. Hard work works!

– ¨To get something you never had, you must do something you never did¨ (Denzel Washington); just be open to people and to ideas and try to think out the box = taking risks.

The ideal employees of many companies are those who are willing to work in a rapidly changing environment. In almost all the job requirements you will find the specification ¨flexible person¨. And this is because adaptability is the key to the changes that can occur on any given day, and the organizational changes can be overwhelming. And companies can also face “the unknown of tomorrow,” and the adaptability to change begins with each individual.

Remember: when you develop your skills for your adaptability, you build one of the strongest qualities you will need in business. And that is because no employee or employer can be successful without vision that inspires the team, he or she is part of. In 2021 the statistics show that during a job interview, the employer tends to choose the candidate who can paint the future in the most positive way possible.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Ingredients For Fulfilling Relationships

Whether you are in a romantic relationship or not, it would be quasi impossible to ignore the virtual or in-store display of hearts and what love ought to be during St. Valentine’s celebrations (even during a pandemic!). Irrespective of the type of relationships we might have or aspire to – at home, work or within our spheres of influence, there are a few ingredients in common, which are critical to a successful relationship:

  • Connection: Connection is the ability to associate with someone in a way that enables a positive interaction. Team building activities are meant to foster connection within a team and across teams. Connection is a catalyst for further interactions and creating a feeling of belonging and togetherness – be it at home or at work. For instance, Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and author of several books on peaceful parenting notes how parenting is in fact 80% connection and 20% discipline. In other words, once connection becomes a primary approach to interact with a child, disciplining becomes a residual need. That small talk you might be dreading at the beginning of a new work call or joining your child in making funny faces could be a portal to strengthened or closer relationships.

  • Compassion: Compassion is needed both vis-à-vis others and ourselves. Compassion is recognizing we are humans and seeing our own failures or those of others from a position of empathy, acceptance and inclusion. As someone whose life and work have been dedicated to love, Mother Theresa once said: “Love begins at home…unless and until we begin to love at home, we begin to love in our communities.” Similarly, until and unless we are compassionate with ourselves and those around us, we cannot thrive in a relationship…Leadership without compassion cannot endure crises or misshapes while the ability to go through and learn from such events -oftentimes by being humble and human enough to recognize errors – are the cornerstone for successful leadership. Likewise, love without compassion is conditional love, gauged on perfection and performance versus unconditional and forgiving love.

  • Respect: By one dictionary definition, “respect is a way of treating or thinking about something or someone“. Treating people well is about maintaining their dignity regardless of the circumstances, or how upset, angry or disappointed we might be. When we stick to and challenge facts and behaviors, we credit respect and we are also more likely to be respected. “People leave bosses not companies” when they don’t feel respected as per an often-quoted Gallup study. Staying respectful even under strenuous or challenging situations is an indicator for the ability to work effectively with others irrespective of differences, functional areas or challenges, which makes such individuals more likely to be promoted. Respect is also about setting healthy boundaries for those around you and for yourself. As Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady of the United States once said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

  • Trust: Trust is like oxygen for our relationships. Without it, communication and results are faltering or get stuck in a yo-yo pattern, because misinterpretations or biases might feed mistrust. Though trust can be regained, it always takes more time, efforts and intentional communication to maintain a productive dialogue. An authority on the importance of trust in organizations, Steven M. R. Covey noted how “the ability to establish, grow, extend, and restore trust with all stakeholders—customers, suppliers, and employees—is the critical leadership competency in the global economy.” Lack of trust in a personal relationship could lead to insecurity while at work, building and maintaining trust are essential to being valued and promoted. If you find yourself in a relationship where trust has been broken on one side or the other, a starting point to mending trust is to prioritize bi-directional feedback and communications on expectations and milestones required to restore trust.

  • Appreciation: Appreciation is the ability to value something or someone. Value is in the eye of the beholder, however highly dependent on the beholder’s interests, needs and experiences. At times, appreciation comes down to the ability to objectively evaluate pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses, good and bad – and decide to not let the “minuses” negate the “pluses”. Appreciation can also be a springboard to enforcing relationships and building trust. In the personal or professional sphere, challenge yourself to evaluate how a perceived minus could be in fact a strength. If one of your employees is an overthinker, a process improvement initiative could be a perfect assignment for him or her. While if you have an intense child, that might well be a reflection of his/her intelligence and creativity that will serve him/her well later in life.

  • Responsibility: Responsibility is taking ownership of our realities and relationships. It is taking action and making a plan to close a gap or meet a goal. It is doing your best first and foremost, before expecting someone else or something else to get better or perfect. In “The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be“, Jack Canfield talks about how our how our outcome or success -however we might define it – is primarily determined by how we respond to events that happen to us. James Hollis in Living An Examined Life has a superb way to capture how we are the main character in our existence: “Our life begins twice: the day we are born and the day we accept the radical existential fact that our life, for all its delimiting factors, is essentially ours to choose. And the moment when we open to that invitation and step into that accountability, we take on the power of choice.”

Relationships are our soil for growth. Take inventory of your top relationships and gauge what ingredients might be missing or required in larger quantity. Salt to taste to allow the aromas and power of relationships to come through. Why? Because we are made to thrive when connected and in fulfilling relationships.

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 1 Comment

Baby Be Brave -An Adoption Story

As part of the Empowerment initiative, Growth Is A Journey is very honored to share Michelle McManus ‘story.

Michelle is the Founder of Baby Be Brave, which is a platform for bringing awareness about adoption and supporting other adoptees. She is working hard to make Baby Be Brave a non profit organization.

Baby Be Brave Logo Credit: Michelle McManus

Michelle was born in Romania in 1988. She was a product of rape and placed in an orphanage shortly after her birth. She was adopted at 2 years old by an American family and grew up in Philadelphia in a healthy and happy home. She learned that she was an adoptee when she was 8 years old in a conversation with her father. She remembers how confused she felt during that conversation, but at the same time, a light bulb went on: she had always felt she could not fit in or that something was amiss. She was heartbroken when a schoolmate bullied her and cruelly told her that her birth mom must have never loved her, therefore her abandonment in an orphanage. Things went downhill throughout high school years with Michelle remembering how she started partying too much, always in need of attention and validation. She would always look in the mirror growing up creating images of her birth parents as she did not have photos of them. At some point, she felt she really needed answers and at 18 years old, she hired a private investigator to find her birth mother in Romania. The journey only resulted in more heartache and abandonment as her birth mom refused to have to do anything with her first born. The private investigator had found out that her mom was raped when she was 23 years old and had to abandon her because she didn’t feel she could care well for her. Her mom had two kids after getting married and Michelle was able to get some pictures done with her mom, half brother and sister, and her grandparents. When her mom made it clear that she didn’t want to do anything with her, Michelle felt the pain of rejection again and started blaming herself because her existence caused her mom so much pain. She continued to be heartbroken until into her early 20s. An incident when Michelle was 21 dramatically changed the way she had been seeing her birth mom. Tightly escaping a rape aggression in the subway made Michelle look at her mom with more grace and empathy. She saw her mom not as a birth mom who had abandoned her but more like a person and a woman who felt powerless and had to endure the trauma of a rape.

Fast forward several years, Michelle is a vibrant, beautiful and energetic human being, dedicated to being a voice for Adoptees and a brave soul. Statistics and research show that adoptees are 4 times more likely to commit suicide because they feel unseen and unheard. Adopted children are also at more risk to suffer from mood disorders like anxiety, depression and behavioral issues.

Michelle is making it her mission to make sure she gives as many adoptees as possible a voice. She wants them to feel seen, heard, and that they matter.  

You can follow Michelle on instagram @babybebrave_

For a few general statistics on adoption from Adoption-Beyond.Org:

  • There are millions of orphans in the world just waiting for a family.
  • It is estimated that about 1 million children in the United States live with adoptive parents.
  • Birthmothers who have on-going contact with their children’s adoptive families report having less grief, regret, guilt and sadness than do those who do not have contact.

(Article published with Michelle McManus’permission)

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Guest Article: Tapping, The Easy Solution to Stress Relief

By Guest Writer Erin Saunders

Erin Saunders is a passionate wellness advocate and a health and business coach with a background in education and clinical hypnotherapy. She also has extensive training in massage therapy, reiki, Western herbalism, EFT, and has practiced and studied yoga and nutrition for many years. She has explored and experienced first hand many different healing modalities, including naturopathy, acupuncture, chiropractic, neuro and biofeedback, energy healing, meditation, working with crystals, prayers, etc and brings all her knowledge and passion together in this website/ blog in order to help others find their footing on their own path to wellness.

Original article published on Erin Saunders ‘blog here.

Who else wants relief from stress? Past pain? Day-to-day anxiety? And the lingering feeling you will always to be chained to your to-do list? Let me introduce you to your new best friend, tapping (AKA Emotional Freedom Techniques). It’s everything you are looking for in a comforting confidant and available for you anywhere. Here’s what you need to know…

What is Tapping? 

It’s a form of DIY (do-it-yourself) therapy (in my opinion). It blends acupuncture with modern psychology to relieve physical pain and emotional distress. In Chinese medicine, it’s understood that we have meridians or energy lines that bring prana (life force) to the body. When an emotional or physical trauma happens, these energy lines get blocked and stagnation occurs. Any imbalance can lead to dis-ease or illness. 

In acupuncture, they put needles inside different meridian points to unleash blocks and get your life force flowing again. Similarly, in tapping, we choose specific power points to tap on repeatedly. This clears out the stagnation so the energy can flow properly again. As you tap on your meridian points, you will feel relief from negative emotion and restore balance. Personally, I tap at least once a day. I view it as energetic hygiene and I feel off when I skip it.   

Here’s where psychology comes in… while we tap, we are drawing upon our memories, emotional beliefs, and fears that are creating chaos in our life. EFT allows us to dive into our subconscious which holds our limiting beliefs, stories, and toxic patterns that can continue to repeat if not brought to our conscious awareness. 

While tapping, we evaluate the patterns and emotions in our lives and where they came from. As we meet the pain/fear we have the opportunity to bring our empathy, forgiveness, and healing to that part of ourselves. Tapping is like Chapstick to the soul. Granted, I just provided you the ooey gooey explanation of EFT. However, if science and facts drive your engine, there’s plenty of research online.

Who is this for? 

Anyone can do it! Children too. Tapping is most beneficial for those of us who are stressed, anxious, depressed, or in pain. For those of us overwhelmed with daily demands. In research, it also proved helpful for people suffering from PTSD and others wanting to lose weight.

How to Tap 

Step 1: Identify the Problem 

What is causing you stress? Frustration? Pain? Here are some examples: lack of confidence, money concerns, the feeling of “I’m not enough”, fear of missing out, powerlessness, fear of the unknown, worry, etc. Then, identify the intensity on scale of 1-10 (10 being really tough). This will help you gauge the effectiveness of the tap. 

Step 2: Know Your Repeating Phrase 

You will tap in rounds, starting from the first tapping point (the center flesh of your outer hand) to the last point. As you do a karate chop motion on your first point, repeat this phrase about 3-5 times:

“Even though I [have x problem], I choose to deeply love and accept myself.” 

This phrase is used because it conveys that despite this fear, you are willing to accept yourself fully. It might not feel true the first round, but stick with it! 

Step 3: The Tapping Points 

For the rest of tapping points, repeat a shorter version of that phrase. For example, if your phrase was “Even though I have this anger, I choose to love and accept myself,” on the other points you might say “This anger” or “My anger.” 

  • Top of head 
  • Middle of eyebrows 
  • Side of eyes 
  • Under the eyes 
  • Under the nose
  • Under the chin 
  • Collarbone 
  • Under the armpit

Typically, I tap using my pointer and ring finger. Tap on each point above about 4 times. Once you are back at the hand (the starting point), you will start round 2. You will likely want to do about 2-5 rounds, depending on how charged the emotion feels in your body.

Step 4: How did it go? 

Rate the intensity of the problem on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being really tough). If it went down, it worked! 

Here’s What I Really Recommend

Want to know the easy way to learn to tap? Guided videos on YouTube! Many of us are busy moms, entrepreneurs, or just modern people with a lot on our plate.

Above, I described a simple version of tapping. However, you might find you prefer a little more depth to the repeating phrases to get to the core of your issue. A skilled tapping practitioner can do that in ten minutes or less!

You can always make an appointment on my calendar and I would be happy to walk you through a private tapping session.  Having a skilled practitioner guiding your transformation can really help the work take affect.  You can grab a spot on my calendar here.   I have tapped on everything from taps on money concerns to fear of deadlines… the struggle is real.

Don’t delay, stress busting is just a tap away! 

(Article published with Erin Saunders ‘permission)

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 2 Comments

Negative By Design

One evening as I was laying down in bed, with some negative thoughts hijacking my mind, a strong realization came about: irrespective of how mature, young, old, happy, successful we are, or not, our brain is designed to see, enforce or zoom in on the negative more rapidly than on the positive. How we perceive our reality especially as it comes to the negative has more to do with our evolutionary brain than with the specific circumstances of our existence.

Indeed, the three brain theory developed by the American physician and neurologist Paul D. MacLean in the 1960s posits that there are three brain structures in a human brain, developed over time and across species: (1) reptilian, lizard or primitive brain -which is our earliest portion of our brains and responsible for our instincts and the most basic survival functions; (2) mammalian or limbic brain -which is an intermediate brain structure, shared with other mammals, and responsible for emotions and socializing; and (3) primate (neocortex) brain -which is our “smart” brain, the most recent addition in brain development responsible for our logic and thinking.

If this theory was true, high-level, what does this ultimately mean? This means that our fascinating brains are designed to be the marvelous gatekeepers of our own human existence and survival via both instinct-based defense mechanisms but also thoughtful and endearing actions.

This can be a blessing and a curse at the same time for us human beings but the more we understand how our brain functions, the more we can use this knowledge to enable mental and physical well-being. Like with any product or device, the more we understand the parameters of design and set those correctly, the better and longer its functioning is. How would that look like in day-to-day life?

  • Monitor the reptilian brain. Every time, there is a real or perceived threat, our lizard brains will trigger us into action including getting angry, running away, or procrastinating. Therefore, we need to be on the lookout for such responses that indicate our survival is rightfully or questionably under challenge. The more we are self-aware to our state of danger – real or perceived – the more we can control it.
  • Use emotions as an alarm system. Emotions are indicators to be gauged not suppressed. Emotions are like a roadmap towards our destiny – the more we pay attention to our emotions, the more we are guided to lean in and discover who we are and what the next step of our journey is. The biggest blessings and gifts can come when raw emotions are allowed to take existence and speak to us. They are our Sherpa in our life journeys if we have the courage, honesty and discipline to investigate and build on their meaning.
  • Use our superpower. Thinking is our superpower as human beings. When we conceptualize what is happening and why, when we interpret our emotions, our higher mind kicks in. As parents, we know that kids’ tantrums will last less if we connect and name their big emotions -name it to tame it. By using our thinking superpower, our instincts and emotions will be reined in under a mental framework that calms and finds meaning and resources.

Three key practices that strengthen the ability to rewire our brains:

  • Meditate: Oftentimes coupled with visualization or remembrance of positive events and emotions, meditation was found to have a powerful impact upon areas of the brain associated with stress, empathy, resilience and emotional intelligence.
  • Surround yourself with positive people in a positive environment. Like a spam filter, we always have an option to release, allow or block a sender or a message. What goes in is what goes out. The more negativity we allow or enable, the more negative our environment becomes.
  • Be compassionate: be it vis-à-vis yourself or those around you, compassion is key to connection and sense of worth. When we lose that, we lose our souls. Engage in a practice of compassion or self-compassion as the fuel required to ignite our lives and relationships.

In summary, we have a primitive brain that has been passed onto us by means of survival. By design, we want to preserve our existence, avoid hurt and danger – which oftentimes puts us into a flight, fight or freeze mode. Such functioning can sustain or trigger negative feelings or emotions, and negative behaviors in our different roles and vis-à-vis ourselves or those around us -parents, spouse, children, friends, colleagues, etc…

The moment we understand that we are designed in this way, we can save ourselves or others some pain, or enrich our existence. Our brain system can be a guide towards healing and growth. No other species has that. It is in us and for us.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Finding Purpose In Trauma: Candle In A Dark Room

January is National Human Trafficking Awareness month in the U.S. The statistics below, shared by Candle In A Dark Room are daunting:

  • Human trafficking is a $150 billion a year industry, of which $99 billion is specifically from commercial sex slavery
  • There are over 40 million victims globally and 1 in 7 victims are children
  • Roughly over 1 million children are trafficked each year.
  • Common age of victims is between 11-15 and 19-33, but ages between 0-1 years are common for children born into sex trafficking
  • Globally 71% enslaved are women and girls, and 29% are men and boys
  • 90% of the time victims are trafficked by someone they know
  • Runaways, homeless children and foster children are most vulnerable to trafficking. A study shows over 57% of prostituted women were initially runway youth
  • Internationally only .04%. of human trafficking cases are identified. Meaning a vast majority of trafficking cases are undetected.

Candle In A Dark Room is a non profit, founded by Desi Garcia, a counselor and crisis social worker, a mother, a wife and a survivor of child sexual abuse. Desi is also the creator of a podcast series called Candle In A Dark Room, available on several platforms: Anchor, Apple, Spotify and Iheartradio. Desi’s podcast gives a voice to survivors of sexual violence, sex trafficking, eating disorders and any life trauma. In Desi’s words, “We talk about all of the “off limit” subjects that society has taught us to sweep under the rug. You won’t finish an episode feeling sad, but you will finish the episodes with hope & encouragement. This podcast helps survivors take their power back!”

Who is Desi? Desi is 31 years old, a wife and a mom of two children, 6 and 8. She is a survivor of child sexual and physical abuse. Desi was sexually abused by her old step father from age 8-15 when her perpetrator was exposed and arrested, an experience in itself traumatizing, that involved a lot of police interviewing and even a lie detector test to prove her case. Even with the perpetrator in jail, the next several years were tough. At age 16, Desi was living in a residential treatment program, diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, PTSD, body dysmorphia disorder and dissociation disorder, a rare disorder that only 1% of population has as result of severe trauma. The dissociation disorder refers to someone disassociating and going back to being at the age when the trauma or abuse happened, with no recollection of what happens during that time period which sometimes would last for hours. Desi was in a residential center for two years and at one point the facility told her mom that she would be in a mental hospital her whole life. Finally, at age 17, Desi moved to New Mexico where she eventually met her husband and started working in the trauma and mental health field.

Desi specializes in trauma and adolescent treatment: “I LOVE what I do even though as a survivor it can be extra challenging at times. I’ve fought like hell EVERY SINGLE DAY to learn how to live a life full of happiness and joy despite what I’ve been through and what I still struggle with today.” Following her old step dad’s release from jail after 10 years, and upon his arrest in 2020, on child pornography charges, it was found that Desi was re-victimized by her old step father. Determined to fight for her future, Desi’s testimony was powerful and instrumental in getting the perpetrator back in jail.

As per Desi, the mission of Candle In A Dark Room is to help survivors take their power back and live the life they want, by learning lifetime skills to deal with what has happened and finding the purpose in their trauma.

Photo Credit: Desi Garcia, Candle In A Dark Room

For more information on Candle In A Dark Room, see links below:  

@candleinadarkroom | Linktree

Candle In A Dark Room 🕯 (@candleinadarkroom) • Instagram photos and videos

Candle In A Dark Room – Home | Facebook

(Article and picture published with Desi Garcia’s permission)

Posted on by Helene Johnson

The Modern Leadership Style: Being, Not Doing

By Guest Writer Joyce Wilson-Sanford

Joyce Wilson-Sanford has more than 25 years of professional experience in progressive and bold global organizational development work at the C-suite level. She is retired after her most recent role as executive vice president of strategic organizational development with the Delhaize Group, now Ahold. Joyce has two books in draft, “OD Maven” and “CEO Note to Self: The Blind Spots of Power.” Joyce is also the co-founder of the The Bob ‘n Joyce Talk HR ‘n OD podcast, designed for Human Resources and Organizational Development change-makers committed to bold work in an era that calls for the skills, values and partnership of these two disciplines. For more information on Joyce and her work: visit her website and Facebook page. 

The old patterns for organizations and work need refreshment. Modern leaders will have to lead differently. 

I worked with over 25 CEOs as a colleague and as formal support for their leadership development in my role of an organizational development executive. I experienced many strengths and styles of leadership as well as blind spots of power as these CEOs led large companies. 

These leaders evolved from the previous generation with new leadership approaches, but the modern leader must skip a generation of leadership learning and leap into modern leading, learning while they are in mid-air.

The successful modern leaders will be:

Clear

They will need the ability to create a very sharp edge to the business strategy, know the market and cut away all that does not contribute to serving a knowledgeable consumer. This will also mean clarity about the values the company uses to guide actions in every arena. They will also need to be clear about how decisions are made and willing to share the process.

Connecting

The modern leader will need to be the ultimate connector, aligning associates from vision through execution to profit on a path that connects the results of each element so that there is embedded coherence. They will connect the right people to the right task and connect the company to the community and the market. Most importantly the modern leader will know how to connect the customer with the experience they want.

Collaborative

The modern leader needs to know how to create and encourage collaboration. There will be more and more groups, projects and partnerships that will form and unform. There will be a blurred line between in and out of the company. Knowing how to keep collaboration productive and focused while maintaining the value of working together is a modern leadership skill.

Capable

Modern leaders need to prove their worth. There have been too many top leaders whose people didn’t think they knew how to do the job. The new leaders will have to demonstrate their ability, fitness and qualities to do the job. Followers need to know their effort is given to someone who is capable.

Control-lite

The demand for clarity will allow for a form of control that is less burdensome and awkward for associates. Sharp clarity on goals and the freedom to find ways to achieving them will be needed. Learning how to maintain focus (not control) of the work of the company without punitive power will be essential. Allowing breadth and innovation will be the price for engagement.

Conflict-comfortable 

With demand high, the environment changing and work being more collaborative through teams connecting and disconnecting, there will be more overt conflict. Get people used to the idea. High-agility, temporary teams and high cross-functional demand will create conflict and competing demands. Modern leaders will need to show that conflict will be part of speed and agility, and they’ll need to know when to intervene and ease strategic conflict (back to “clarity”) when necessary.

Casual and companionable

Working in an informal, comfortable environment makes the high-demand world we work in more tolerable. Casual and comfortable does not mean sloppy or crude or out of control. It means keeping foolish rules out of the way of getting work done and allowing for some fun and restoration of energy. A softer environment allows for concentration on work that is tough and demanding.

Culturally adept

Modern leaders will have to understand, work with and encourage every kind of difference with no bias. That means everything from race to creative type, different cultures to religion, hairstyle to personal quirks of team members.

Modern leaders need every bit of talent they can get their hands on. It is the talent that needs to be seen and used, not differences. The more differences, the greater the possible evolution to new.

Creative

Modern leaders are redesigning work and what constitutes a workplace and an employee. Imagination and original ideas are needed. They have to nourish and encourage ideas. This takes giving leeway and allowing more ease in the system.

The modern leader needs to be creative or be very encouraging of those who are. Especially important will be allowing ideas to bubble up at all levels of the company and to prove the ability to go to experimental execution.

Commanding

Given the chaotic speedy environment of business, combined with the need for more flexibility and collaboration, workplaces often are anxious. The modern leader needs to carry authority in ways other than command and control.

This leadership may involve a needed voice of wisdom. It may be a demand for accountability. It may be inspiration to galvanize the company. Regardless, the leader’s presence and voice need to be strong and able to be modulated according to the circumstance. Presence needs to be strong, whether literally present or not.

Clever

The new generation in the workforce is clever. They respect “clever” and they want it in a leader. Clever means “quick to understand, learn, and devise or apply ideas.”

I put this near the top of the list because this is a quality that supports high demand, constant change, new ways of working and serving the new consumer. Clever matters.

Conductor of change

The metaphor I like for modern leaders is the orchestra conductor. There is a “score” that pulls together all the possible sounds into a unique creation that satisfies or transforms the audience. Modern leaders are the conductors of change: following strategy, combining differences and effort, modulating speed and intensity, and leading the company to a grand finish. After that comes another performance. But first, allow for a “bravo” to provide recognition and energy for the next performance.

Constant

The constancy of the modern leader will be an important element of keeping the company steady in confused seas. It will involve having guiding principles to steer the work even when the work itself may be changing.

It means a steady hand on the rudder. It means constant steering without abrupt turns. It means the modern leader must be exceedingly grounded in the core of the business, its model for prospering and the values that will sustain it. Constancy does not mean rigidity but is instead the art of holding steady on confused seas.

Character-proof

Associates have been disengaged and disillusioned, often due to disillusionment with the character of their leaders. Being a leader of character simply means you have a good reputation in and out of the company.

There is a moral awareness that guides your work, and it is shown in all you do. You can be counted on and are rock steady because what you take a stand for doesn’t change with the circumstances. Your character is the rudder of your company.

Courageous

Most CEOs want the top position. They have learned to live with pressure and being constantly observed and evaluated. They have experienced making big, big mistakes, surviving them and moving on. They have a tough hide.

The type of courage modern leaders require is the guts to be vulnerable when doing the right thing in the face of Wall Street demands, in firing a close colleague when necessary, in standing up to the board in defense of a policy that they don’t like, in owning up to disappointing results, and in leaning into the foundation of their personal and company values. When courage is needed, it can be an excruciating moment. 

Compassionate

I almost left this factor out because “compassion” has become so trendy. So has “kindness.” Then again, it is needed, and we seem to need to exaggerate when we are adding new behavior.

Unfortunately, nothing seems to trivialize a quality or skill faster than when business grabs hold of it. So, do not commoditize compassion. Top leaders must maintain compassion while taking actions that have a hurtful impact. Doing so assures you are human. And every CEO could use a little self-compassion.

This modern leader will have skills for “doing” but will need the qualities of “being” for the personal processes that support the work of the business. These are not soft skills. They are personally demanding.

Is this asking too much? Yes. But it is being asked for by the people in your company and demanded by the times. 

(Article published with Joyce Wilson-Sanford’s permission)

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Book Club – Are You Fully Charged? The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life

Book: Are You Fully Charged? The 3 Keys To Energizing Your Work And Life

Publishing Year: 2015

About the Author: Tom Rath is an author and researcher with over two decades spent studying the interaction between work, human health and well-being, including during his 13 years at Gallup, where Tom led the organization’s strengths, employee engagement, wellbeing, and leadership consulting worldwide. His books have sold in over 10 million copies and include global bestsellers such as StrengthsFinder 2.0, Strengths Based Leadership, Wellbeing, and Eat Move Sleep, and Are You Fully Charged?. Tom also co-authored two illustrated books for children, How Full Is Your Bucket? for Kids and The Rechargeables. 

Growth Is A Journey book review consists of a series of questions and answers, intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insight from the book, as well as personal takeaways with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Key message of the Book: Fully-charged individuals are those who live an abundant and happy life as result of three main reasons: (1) they have found meaning in their life and work, (2) they are mindful about having more positive interactions than negative ones and (3) they are practicing a healthy lifestyle via healthy eating, sleeping and exercising habits.

What to know before reading: The book is a guide in living a fully-charged life, via three main sections on Meaning, Interactions and Energy.

Each section is an invitation to a fully-charged life via adoption of proven principles and insights, that represent the essence and findings of a myriad of surveys and research work.

To make it more concrete, as an example, Chapter 1 of the Part 1: Meaning is titled Create Meaning With Small Wins and is a walk-through to creating meaning in our day-to-day life. As per Tom Rath, meaning is not about some grandiose results and actions in our lives, it is about making a difference in our environments: “Small wins generate meaningful progress. You might create a small positive charge for one of your customers today or work on a new product that will benefit people in the future. Over the weekend, maybe you’ll have a long conversation with a loved one that makes a difference. It is these little moments, not grand actions, that create substance and meaning.” Tom demonstrates this is the case via research work led by Roy Baumeister and Barbara Fredrickson, University professors who in their lifelong work found that “Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed or even selfish life“. By comparison, engaging in meaningful activities – that improve the environment around us- leads to more sustaining levels of happiness: “Every minute you can set aside your own happiness for the sake of others will eventually lead to stronger families, organizations and communities”.

Throughout the book, the reader will be discovering similar nuggets of insights and research-based principles around finding purpose in life and work, redefining happiness in our own terms and based on our strengths, valuing prioritizing experiences and positive interactions, and adopting a healthy lifestyle.

Biggest personal learning from the book: Key personal learning was that a fully-charged life depends on three variables – all three variables are required and interdependent. For a fully-charged life, it is not enough to create meaning or have positive interactions or stay healthy. It has to be all three. In other words, if you are not adopting a healthy, lifestyle you are less likely to sustain positive interactions and create meaning. If you are doing everything right health-wise but not having positive interactions or finding meaning in your day-to-day activities, you are less likely to sustain mental or physical health.

One specific learning from the book: A point made in the book is around the ratios of positive and negative interactions. In the chapter “Be 80% Positive”, Tom Rath explains the benefits of targeting that “at least 80% of our conversations should be focused on what’s right.” This is because three to five positive interactions are needed to outweigh a negative exchange. Positive interactions are associated with higher body’s production of oxytocin, the feel-good hormone; negative interactions are associated with higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Such principle can be practically applied in our verbal or written communications by being mindful about the words we use: “Positive words are the glue that holds relationships together”.

How is this book different from other leadership books: The book is like a cocktail of vitamins, condensed to provide a roadmap for a fully-charged life. Behind each principle, there is a good amount of research work, surveys or studies done to support such findings.

Additional resources: For more details www.tomrath.org

Comments/Feedback: I would love to hear from you with comments, thoughts, and testimonials on Are You Fully Charged?

Posted on by Helene Johnson

A New Year’s Resolution

Or what a recent car accident has taught me.

A car accident (fortunately with no injuries involved) comes with a lot of emotions and feelings. Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying” referred to 5 stages of grief when faced with unexpected losses, such as a terminal illness. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, and could be lived in any sequence or length.

Whatever traumatic event you might be facing or have faced in life, therein lies an unwrapped gift for you to open when you find the courage to drill down with your soul, mind and body:

  • What has happened? Could there have been a different way? What are the practical lessons from this event, that I should carry forward? How could someone I love avoid being in a similar situation?
  • How much worse could it have been? Did I live/see the worst? Did the worst happen?
  • What’s the significance I choose to associate with this event? A failure, a loss, a tragedy, a reminder that how much I try, I cannot win? Or a sign that change is always permanent and that strength is won when resistance happens? What if this can be the beginning of a better future, of breakthroughs and of truth? Do I want to look back at this time and see it as a time of failure or as a time when big changes and decisions started happening?
  • What’s next from here? Can this be a springboard to soar, to start new habits, to do something new? How does this practically looks like in my relationships, day-to-day interactions, decisions and actions?

On the backdrop of a challenging and unprecedented year, this car accident is in fact shaping a response and a positioning to carry forward in 2021: what if I didn’t take anything or anyone for granted? And to be honest, I had heard those same words just some time ago in a differently wrapped gift of another experience. As Pema Chodron says in her book “When Things Fall Apart”, “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”

We make thousands of decisions every day and we make decisions – good or bad, conscious or unconscious, on or off autopilot- in a split of a second. So in this split of a second, what if I didn’t take anything or anyone for granted? How would I act, respond, interact? How would I feel? What would I do and how would I be as a parent, daughter, spouse, leader, friend,…? What would I in fact do differently if I didn’t take anything or anyone for granted? Who and what would I appreciate, encourage, empower, love and care for more? How would I challenge myself or others, or fight for my dreams, rights and hopes?

Your questions and responses might be different than mine but here to a 2021 with no one and nothing taken for granted!

Posted on by Helene Johnson · 1 Comment

Guest Article: How To Make A Habit Of Meeting Deadlines All The Time

By Guest Writer Maxim Dsouza

Maxim Dsouza is a self-improvement blogger with over a decade of experience with startups. He has led teams for over a decade, made mistakes and learned the hard way. On his blog, Productive Club, he provides unique tips and tricks on productivity, time management , and entrepreneurship from his real life experience.

Original article published here: How To Make A Habit Of Meeting Deadlines All The Time (productiveclub.com)

A few years back, most goals I aimed for followed a typical pattern.

meeting deadlines

I would target a deadline and fail to achieve it.

People speak about the importance of achieving the goal within a stipulated time all the time. But today, we’ll discuss how to make it happen.

Failing to meet deadlines has different reasons, and each problem requires a solution of its own. Finding the right answer begins right from the first step of setting the right expectations.

Before I get into methods for meeting deadlines, knowing different types of deadlines is crucial to meet them.

Contents [hide]

The types of deadlines

Deadlines fall under two major categories.

The deadlines you have no control over:

These are the projects and the timelines imposed on you by other people or circumstances. You have little to no control to modify them. For example:

  • You’re an employee, and your boss wants a project delivered
  • You’re a startup founder, and the investors want you to launch the product by a specific date
  • You’re an unemployed person, and you only have the cash to manage expenses for the next 2 months

As you can see in the examples, working for yourself or an organization has little to do with the timelines. You’ll have deadlines imposed on you even if you’re the owner of a billion-dollar company.

In this category of deadlines, you face dire consequences if you fail to achieve your target.

The typical cycle of working towards the deadlines imposed on you follow the pattern as shown below:

Deadlines you have no control over

You take the first few portions of the time available lightly. When the deadline seems far away, you believe you can afford to relax. Instant gratification kicks in urging you to enjoy the current comfort and worry about the work later.

As the target time approaches closer, you think about starting, but decide to wait some more. Even if you begin the job, you put in bare minimum effort just to show some progress. After more time passes by and the deadline is a stone’s throw away, you panic, get into full gear, work under pressure, pull a few all-nighters, and deliver at the final moments of a ticking clock.

The complexity of the work or size of the project has little to do with your behavior. If the deadline is 6 months away, you relax for the first few months. If you have to deliver the task in 6 hours, you browse social media for the first few hours. The time you waste remains proportional to the effort required to pull off the job.

The only exception is when the deadline is too right from the offset. In such cases, you jump into action right away.

The deadlines you set for yourself

Whether you realize it or not, we all set deadlines for ourselves. Some have a habit of putting them on paper or an app, while others set a mental timeline.

The deadlines we set for ourselves fall under two categories again, depending on your personality and the circumstances.

a. Unrealistic deadlines:

These are the deadlines you set for yourself which are downright impossible to achieve unless you pull off a miracle. Go-getters often make such mistakes to reach a target quickly or by aiming for too many goals. The reasons for such deadlines vary from person to person, but false belief and overconfidence in your abilities are the most common.

unrealistic deadlines

Deep in your heart, you know that you won’t meet the timeline, but you fool yourself to believe that you will. Finally, you curse yourself for your inability to meet deadlines.

Keeping up the target dates starts with learning how to set deadlines. If you’ve set deadlines that you couldn’t meet in spite of pushing yourself to the limit, you should set realistic timelines with SMART goals.

b. Lethargic deadlines:

The majority of people fall victim to a laid back behavior of staying in their comfort zone. Even when you know you can complete a job early, you convince yourself that you have time. You extend the deadline as much as possible so that you can both take it easy and feel accomplished for getting work done.

Unfortunately, you set sluggish deadlines for the goals you care about the most.

For example:

In the above examples, you control the project and the timelines. Besides, the consequences only affect you or the people closest to you like your spouse and children.

When you set such deadlines, you usually fail to meet them. The pattern for the effort you put in looks as follows:

Lethargic deadlines

You relax during the first portions, just like the deadlines set by others. After a reasonable time has elapsed, you realize you have lazed around.

But here, a peculiar change occurs compared to the deadlines imposed by others. Since you’re the only person affected by the consequences, you tell yourself that you’ll start soon. You know that you’re going to postpone the deadline in the back of your mind, but you do not want to accept that yet.

As more time goes by, you realize the time left is no longer sufficient to achieve the target. Since you’re the sole decision-maker, you finally set a new target date. What is funny is, you add the whole duration again to the deadline to set a new target date.

Example for setting lethargic deadlines:

Let me explain with an example. You’re working at a job you hate, and you decide to find a new one in the next three months. You spend the first month telling yourself you have enough and more time to start hunting for another place to work at. In the second month, you convince yourself you still have time and start updating your resume.

You already know that you won’t put in the required effort in the days to come, but you do not accept it yet. You make a few changes to your resume as the second month whizzes by. When the third month begins, you realize that finding the right job in 30 days is unrealistic.

So what do you do? You give yourself another three months to achieve the target. The best part is, you allow yourself to relax for the whole third month because your new start date is your old deadline. The vicious cycle either repeats forever or takes a few iterations before you achieve the goal.

If your target is a long term goal, you repeatedly push the deadlines. The chances of never achieving the target are incredibly high.

Postponing self-imposed deadlines has killed more dreams than failure.

How to meet deadlines:

Here are five tips for doing a better job at meeting deadlines. Depending on your personality, the type of deadline and your motivation behind completing the goal, the effectiveness of these pointers will vary.

The same tips apply for students, working professional, entrepreneurs or others. Experiment with each of them and check what works best for you.

1. Do the first step early:

Start early

One of the biggest obstacles to completing a huge project is making up your mind to get started. You find one reason or the other to justify why you cannot begin. For example:

  • I have a hectic day today
  • I have enough time, so I will start tomorrow
  • The first step is easy, so I will begin later

No matter how small the first task is, get it done right away. You might only have to make a simple phone call or spend 5 minutes brainstorming. But, if you push the task for later, you will repeatedly procrastinate.

But if you take just one baby step forward, you’ll set things into motion and make constant progress. The first action builds momentum and sets the foundation for the rest of the journey.

2. Set milestones

When you’re on a long drive, have you noticed how the milestones invoke a feeling of inching closer towards the destination?

A milestone serves two essential purposes:

  • Tells you where you stand
  • Keeps you motivated because the target seems closer and closer

Despite the clear benefits of milestones, most of us fail to use them to achieve our long term goals. Your process of approaching a goal without any milestones looks like this:

Without milestones

If your destination is distant, the effort, time, and energy required can create a mental obstacle to begin.

In comparison, milestones make the same journey appear like the following:

With milestones

Instead of defining your goal as one final destination, break it down into intermediate steps with a target and a timeline.

A long, arduous expedition now seems like a step by step adventure.

3. Use reminders:

Alarm reminder

Most of us do not possess the memory skills of a whiz kid. I have a hard time remembering things unless I note them down. Many of you might have the same challenge. Unfortunately, many people rely on memory to remind themselves even if it has repeatedly failed them in the past.

“I don’t need to write it down. I will remember it,” is one of the biggest lies you tell yourself. You ain’t gonna remember it. Period. Next time you convince yourself to rely on memory, watch out.

Instead, if you use reminders, you’ll stay on track towards your goals. You can pick any medium you find comfortable. You can set the alarm on your phone, mark a meeting with yourself on the calendar, or use an app to remind yourself of the unfinished work.

A word of caution here: Do not introduce a new medium to remind yourself. The more comfortable you are using a tool/application already, the higher the chances of setting consistent reminders for yourself. For example, do not install a task management app just for reminders if you haven’t used one before. You’ll be more consistent using a calendar reminder that you’re used to.

Also, do not use a platform that requires you to check for things to do manually. An automated reminder to help you recall the task necessary for an upcoming milestone works best.

4. Use a calendar view

Have you failed to meet a deadline because you forgot about it until it was too late? Don’t worry. It happens to many of us.

As mention in the previous tip, you must set reminders for the tasks you have to complete. At the same time, having an overall pulse of all your deadlines helps you stay on track and make any required course corrections.

Most of us have different goals from various spheres of our life that need attention. For example:

  • Career growth
  • Finances
  • Health
  • Relationships
  • Relaxation/hobbies

Keeping a tab on all of these as tasks is overwhelming. Instead, if you had one place where you could glance at all your deadlines, you’d know where to focus your time and energy.

A calendar view helps you get an overall picture of your upcoming deadlines. You can use the calendar on your computer/phone to mark an event/milestone/deadline. If you make this a habit, you only need to view the whole calendar a few times a week to keep yourself aware of the approaching targets.

Here is a screenshot of my calendar which outlines some of the milestones I have to achieve this week. You do not have to follow my model, but pick what suits your style.

Calendar for deadlines

Asana is one app that translates deadlines to a calendar view nicely.

Keep a tab on the things you have to accomplish because the only thing worse than missing a deadline is forgetting you had one.

5. Vision board

Though human beings are visual in nature, not everyone gains motivation by looking at a progress indicator. Using a vision board works for people who like to see visible signs of progress.

Vision board

Now before you rule out this tip, hold on. Do not assume a vision board won’t help you without trying first. If you’ve made one before and you did not benefit from it, feel free to drop the technique. But unfortunately, people rule out ideas based on their thoughts without even giving it a shot.

I understood the power of a vision board only after I tried it myself. Today, my walls are full of chart paper tracking the progress of different goals.

You can use your custom made vision board as far as it meets two requirements:

  • Tracks the final result and preferably the progress
  • Is at a place where you can see it frequently

The first requirement is simple, where you need to mark the outcome you’re trying to achieve. Most vision boards stop at that. But, you’ll find more motivation if you find a way to mark your progress in some way, even if it involves a separate board.

The second requirement is making sure you look at the vision board frequently. Creating one in a notebook and leaving it in the drawer serves no purpose. You must place it at a location where you look at it at least every few days, if not every day. Stickers/cut-outs on walls/work desks and desktop wallpapers are among the best and most common places for vision boards.

Conclusion

Meeting deadlines is important for your career growth and personal satisfaction.

Therefore, you must look at it as a process to incorporate into your lifestyle. If you look at each project and its timeline as a standalone requirement, you’ll struggle to meet them. Instead, you can use the above tips and build a system to make a habit of meeting deadlines.

(Article published with Maxim Dsouza’s permission)