Growth Is A Journey

As human beings, we are creatures of habits.

Be it good or bad, consciously or unconsciously, we develop routines and habits. Once something is established as a routine, it gives us a sense of comfort and safety; ask any parent about this and you will hear how important the routine is for a child. Amazingly, in the process of life, we oftentimes lose the meaning and essence of habit – we see habits as a manifestation of comfort as opposed to a response to wanting to grow.

Growing (at all levels) is about:

-continously being on the lookout for new habits to develop

-challenging oneself to scrutinize and push beyond comfort levels and fears

-daring to believe and work towards a dream

-being ready to fail while trying.

There is a lot of literature in this area of habit creation but three books I recommend to shape your habit creation habits are:

1. “The 5 second rule” by Mel Robbins. It is based on the theory that within five seconds, our brain will talk us out of pretty much anything we know we should do but we might fast enough think it would be too hard, too late or too early to do it. By counting backwards 5-4-3-2-1, we spring through action and quiet our mind, therefore breaking the habit of hesitating, overthinking or holding ourselves back. For instance, you wake up in the morning and your first thought is to run. But then you feel too tired to do it. With 5-4-3-2-1, you act upon your initial thought without allowing your feelings to change your mind.
2. “The One Thing” by Gary Keller. The myth of multitasking is dispelled to give place to the power of prioritization and clarity by focusing on the one most important thing that will lead to success. By doing the most important thing, one at a time, a domino effect is created to achieve extraordinary results. Instead of trying too much, ask yourself what’s the one thing I can do today to reach my goal, improve a relationship, get fit etc…
3. “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R Covey. In this classic book, sold in over 15 million copies, Stephen comes up with a time management matrix of activities based on what’s urgent vs not urgent, important vs not important. For instance, if most of your focus is on urgent and important, you are likely in a perpetual crisis management mode, a sure pathway to stress and burnout. Intentionally scheduling activities that are important but not urgent is a condition for lasting growth and success. The seven habits that Stephen found in common across highly effective people include being proactive, begin with the end in mind, put first things first, feeding a cycle of effectiveness and success.

Every day, we have a choice as to what habit we grow or replace, what we intently take on or ignore, what we complacently accept or challenge to change.

Ultimately, there is power in each habit, a power that could make us grow or keep us captive.

Use the muscle of habit creation to move beyond fears and take one step further in a journey of growth!

As parents, we have our own stories of schedules and responsibilities to juggle. At times, it can feel overwhelming.

As a working parent, there are a few things that I wished I appreciated earlier:

• Guilt: There will always be some amount of guilt when you have to take your child to the doctor’s instead of going into the office, or when family time gets shrunk due to work related pressures. On and off, guilt comes as a ghost to question our choices or remind us of how imperfect we are. Instead of turning those moments into an “see, you can’t do it all”, think of yourself as your best friend and share those words of encouragement that your best friend would have heard from you.
• Stress: If you find yourself stressed, identify what is causing it and whether you can rewrite the script. Is it the work itself or is it about setting some unrealistic expectations?
  • The work-induced stress: A few years back, it felt like I had the world over my shoulders. One morning when I dropped off my child to daycare, a simple “Have a great day” from one of the teachers initiated a whole dialogue in my mind. “If she knew how hard and stressful my work is, she would not say that to me”. Every morning, hearing that simple greeting started eroding the previously held belief that I can’t enjoy my work because it’s so stressful. If you find yourself in this situation, challenge yourself to look at the different aspects of your day with increased appreciation. It could be the joy of learning something new or attending a training that would enhance your skills.
  • The self-induced stress: We are good at to-do lists. However, it is self defeating to assess the success and productivity of a day based solely on achieving all that was initially planned. This is because our to-do list might be twice longer than what can reasonably be accomplished in a single day, or because complexities arise pushing out initial timelines. Continuously setting realistic expectations and allowing for interruptions are key to manage stress.
• Imposter syndrome: We are facing our own fears as we are called to take on expanded profession-related responsibilities. Despite being pulled in all directions, we still need to keep it all together. If that’s how you feel right now, remind yourself that this is a common feeling when you are in fact growing. In other words, you are already rocking it!
• Support system: If you are trying to “do it all”, you might be finding yourself more sleep deprived than others. For every family, the definition of the support system may look differently. What looks like the perfect solution for you and your family could be unfeasible or undesirable for someone else.
• Purpose: It is easy to see how we can’t measure up to perfection. However, if despite sleepless night(s), or any other manifestation of your imperfect “do it all”, you are finding yourself enthusiastically glued to your computer, research paper or anything else, profession-related, that likely means you are walking in your purpose. Find the strength to continue and embrace your purpose and potential, knowing you are meant and equipped for this exact journey.
• Values: The struggle of “doing it all” brings to surface the ways we may seem to be failing at times at home or at work. However, those same ways can be opportunities to share or instill values, teach strengths, and inspire. You are likely teaching your child the value of discipline and hard work, of being afraid but still trying, or you may be an informal or formal mentor for future parents to be. Communicate intentionally such that your story is not one of daily grind, but of impact and inspiration.

For those who tend to carry the burden of the “do it all”, there is immense power and relief in knowing that our story is not an isolated one. On the contrary, it is one shared by many. There will be times when we feel like we have failed short and that is all right and part of the journey.

Since experimenting with my first Vision Board in 2016, I have become an avid practitioner of Vision Boards both at home and at work. If you wonder how and why to adopt a Vision Board, be it at home or at work, see below a few thoughts to get you started:

• Fun: As an adult with a gazillion of commitments, it’s quite fun and relaxing to spend some time cutting pictures out of magazines and dreaming about the future. For a first time this year, I also spent the first day of the year doing this with my kids. It quickly became a project for a half day but it was all worth it to see them all excited about new activities to try out, and new things to learn about.
• Focus: A vision board makes you ponder and select what are the goals, values, needs and aspirations that resonate the most with you in all areas of life. As interruptions, distractions and new demands bombard our lives, a vision board will recenter, refocus and reset towards the goals, priorities and values that are the most important to you.
• Visualization: There is a lot of litterature about the power of visualisation. By seeing and visualizing your goals every day, they become engrained into your mind and being. They progressively become easier and more natural to attain, as it’s something that your brain will be tricked more easily into making it happen, especially if it’s something taking you out of your comfort zone.
• Plans and discipline: As you can’t escape your goals, you are more inclined to find ways to plan for them and discipline yourself. For instance, not too long ago, I secretly hoped that all the pool lanes would be closed during my son’s swim class so I wouldn’t practice my swim in prep of my first triathlon. But guess what, having completion of a triathlon on my Vision Board, it forced the discipline on me when finding one pool lane open.
• Excitement and celebration: Having a list of goals is exciting. Every first weekend of the month, my kids and I will be pulling out our vision boards to discuss and celebrate progress. Granted, over a plate of ice cream cake we all enjoy (full disclosure, I had to find a reason to buy an ice cream cake every month).
• Grit and perseverance: Having fixed a goal, you won’t let it go easily. You will more naturally persevere, brainstorm and devise how to make it happen and avoid listening to naysayers.
• Progress and long term growth: With focus and attainment of goals, you will gain the practice of moving from one goal to another, from one area of improvement to another. What this equates to on the long run is more success and growth.
• Daring: A Vision Board will challenge you to dream beyond expectations or what can reasonably be achieved. After all, why not dreaming big?

If you think the above cannot apply at work, well think twice. As professionals, we also need to have fun, be focused, count the wins and persevere. The application of a Vision Board at work could be something along those lines:

• Have a list of priorities and goals for the team for the year or quarter ahead.
• As much as you can, tie them to the company’s goals, such that your team contributions to the “bigger picture” are obvious.
• In team meetings, go through the list and mark where progress or wins have been made. Counting wins allow for the opportunity to recognize individual credit and instill a “can do” attitude in your team.
• As you discuss progress or lack of, encourage sharing of lessons learned, frustrations or needs. Such type of discussion is conducive to creating a trust environment where mistakes are permissible, vulnerability is allowed. It can also foster new ideas or collaborations which are thought of only as result of an honest exchange.

If a Vision Board sounds cheesy or silly to you, I am daring you to try it out.

You will be amazed how much improvement you will experience in focus, discipline, and daring!

Something life and the process of growing have taught me is that there is more loss in not trying, believing and dreaming than when you actually dare to try, believe and dream…

Life is not about smelling roses at all times. Inevitably, sooner or later, we will touch some thorns in our life garden. Unfortunately, we or people we love may deal with some serious events like loss of life, health issues, divorce….In those cases, professional help may be required to be able to cope with the traumatic event. Outside those events, there are also the “down” moments we inevitably feel at one point or another, in our lives or relationships.

Even if overall we may have everything to feel joyful or fulfilled, at times, there is a cloud of sadness covering us. Success, joy and fulfillment are not about living a sadness-free life. But recognizing the “down” moments and learning your way out, will allow the positive emotions to re-emerge. The faster you get back up, the happier and more successful you likely are.

A few practices I’ve learned when in a “down” moment:

• Recognize when for whatever reason, justified or not, you are feeling “down”. Qualifying it as a “temporary” condition is a declaration of hope and victory. You know you will feel excitement and joy soon enough.
• Know your triggers. In my case, I’ve come to realize that a travel with a 3h+ time change will make me more susceptible for a “down” moment. For others, news of tragic events, be it in the world or in their lives, might do it.
• Go back to your roots. Remind yourself who you are (in your good days), what and whom you are fighting for. You may be a parent, spouse, entrepreneur, … The values or aspirations associated with each of your role will help you weather the storm.
• Be grateful. Wherever you are in your life journey, and no matter what may be missing, there are still things and people you feel grateful about. Write down or mentally list what you are grateful for.
• Pamper yourself. What is that one activity or thing that would bring leisure to your day? A book, a bubble bath, catching up with an old friend,….allow your mind, soul and body to get pampered.
• Is there a lesson? As you think about your life, relationships, health, career,…is it something that bothers you? Is there a temporary or fundamental upset that hides behind your “down” moment? Calling it out would liberate any negative emotion or help you identify an area of improvement in your life. The more you are honest with yourself, the faster you will get out of the current “down” valley.
• Take action even if you don’t feel like it. Force yourself to not give up. Would you want to look back two months from now, and only show for a disengaged life? Or do you want to be proud of the progress you made, and grateful for the moments you lived? You choose.
• Spread the love. Even if you don’t feel the most lovable or loved version of yourself, there is power in hugs. Ask hugs and kisses from your loved ones, catch up with a friend, volunteer your time or skills…. Feeling connected is part of our basic human needs.

A life of joy and growth is not devoid of “down” moments. Instead of fearing or dreading them, challenge yourself to feel and embrace them to dig further into who you are and what you want in life. Something powerful -a new life lesson, a new discipline, renewed commitment or new goals- will come out of the experience. After all, why not make a gem out of a rough diamond…

What I love the most about growth is the exhilaration and aliveness that it brings. Oftentimes, it is a loop: the more growth we achieve, the more exhilarated we feel.

What growth is or isn’t?

– Growth is not about accumulating material gains. While being realistic and pragmatic that paying bills is not optional, growth encompasses all aspects of living with our different roles as a spouse, parent, child, friend, professional…

– Growth (and same applies for happiness) is not the absence of negative emotions, bad days, or ups and downs in our relationships…

– Growth is about embracing all that life has to offer or is throwing at us, and becoming a better version of ourselves as result of it.

Embracing growth as a value in life has therefore two components:

– First, it is about being honest with oneself, and developing a self awareness that recognizes both the good and the bad, the negative and the positive in ourselves and our lives.

– Second, it is about overcoming, when hardship comes.

In other words, we are all work in progress but when growth is a value, we intentionally do more work and strive in the process of becoming and growing.

A few of my lessons learned in this area that I wish the younger version of myself would have acknowledged earlier:

Growing is a declaration of life and acceptance: I am alive and a work in progress but I am going to be intentional and commit to becoming the best version of myself one day, one experience and one dream at a time.

Happy journey of growth!

Year-end performance reviews could be a little intimidating especially for first time managers. On one side, it may feel daunting to suddenly carry the weight of a judge who will bestow his/her decision on someone’s else performance. On the other side however, performance reviews are in fact an opportunity to initiate or accelerate growth for employees. This is, after all, a key area of responsibility any manager should keep oneself accountable to.

Especially for first time managers, a reminder I always like to go back to is the following: what I think it could be somewhat hurtful by identifying and talking about areas of growth, can in fact be exactly what my team member needed to hear to grow to the next level and be empowered.

Below are a few tips to successfully conduct performance reviews:

As managers and leaders, we are entrusted with defined success metrics but also with team(s) and individuals to help develop. It is a responsibility and an honor to be part of another individual’s professional growth.

More often than not, the biggest growth happens when areas of improvement are identified, discussed and approached constructively. As such, a performance review process is one of the most impactful avenues to empower and grow your teams and team members.

And now, go for transformative and fruitful performance review discussions!