Posted on by Helene Johnson

Disconnection is not an end but a beginning

Pressures in life can be insidious and, from time to time, the pressure cooker gets unbearable. We admit to these pressures often after the water has boiled over, and we understand that the disconnection was a natural consequence of absorbing spoken or unspoken and acknowledged or yet-to-be-acknowledged pressures.

The story of our modern and highly interconnected lives is pressure… to fit in, to be successful by societal standards, to be and do it all … while pressure for our early hominins was getting chased by lions in the savannah. These modern life pressures can come from the most well intended people around us, from ourselves or from standards that, at times, we set too high. They could also come from people who, at the end, are consciously or unconsciously not well intended, with whom we have yet to set proper boundaries.

lf you are at one of these crossroads – where disconnection is what you feel in the moment or have been feeling for a while, the sooner you befriend it, the sooner you can come to grasp with it and use it for your growth. This is an opportune moment to start afresh, more self-aware of what it takes to keep a healthy and happy self – you!

A practical guide to transform a “disconnection” crisis follows below with 5 critical steps:

  1. Pause and Journal: You can’t outrun disconnection. The longer you live with it, the higher the risk that it turns into something more severe, for instance burnout or physical ailments. Even a few days of feeling disconnected warrants a pause. You deserve it. Then jot down what weighs heavy in your mind or body – in full or partial sentences, or simply words – connected to the pressures that might have burdened you lately. You know you are getting to the end of your list when your journaling starts being about what you are grateful for and what your heart yearns the most, including feeling appreciated and loved, which are fundamental needs that motivate our behaviors.
  2. Evaluate these pressure points with your morality and values compass: Once these pressures points are written on a piece of paper, it is easier to acknowledge and analyze them. What is real versus perception? What comes from your judgment or the judgement of others? Which ones should you give weight to? Which ones deserve an honest conversation with yourself or someone in your life? Which ones would you want or need to carry forward? Which ones should you leave behind as not aligned with your true values, needs or aspirations?
  3. Rest: Physical rest, be it longer sleep or naps, and taking time for yourself are oxygen to human life. It is when rest lacks that pressures accumulate until everything snowballs into disconnection, burnout, disease or depression. No matter how temporary your state of disconnect has been, give yourself a good few days of rest.
  4. Commit to a fresh start with at least one identified change: With a rested mind and body, and more self-awareness, you can finally see through what has been weighing you down and what adjustments you need to make – big or small- to free yourself from undue pressures. Think in terms of what you need to do to cut the source of pressure points that don’t deserve your focus and energy. As to due pressures, even if there is no immediate action you can identify as needed to be taken, the simple fact of having cleared your mind, will position you to embrace what the day brings and your responsibilities with more clarity and energy.
  5. Remember you are your biggest asset: The danger of disconnection is feeling like a stranger in your own life, and that can remove agency and alter your choices and future. Health can also take a toll from prolonged disconnection. That is the opposite of what we owe to ourselves: self-compassion, self-connection and self-care. When we are our biggest supporters, we can also be better supporters of people around us.

Author Kamal Ravikant noted:

“Pain doesn’t last. And when it’s gone, we have something to show for it: growth.”

Likewise, disconnection doesn’t last … if we let it speak to us and shape the adjustments we need to make in our lives.

Posted on by Helene Johnson

Managing Overwhelm

Diocletian Palace – Cathedral Bell Tower, Split, Croatia

Nelson Mandela once said: “The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Likewise, being productive and determined in the pursuit of one’s goals does not mean living a life without overwhelm. It is quite likely that sooner or later, or at repeated times, we find ourselves in a state of overwhelm, challenged by the scope or number of challenges to tackle, be it at home, work or both.

Overwhelm is usually experienced as anxiety, stress, or lack of control over our daily routines and life experiences.

The feeling of overwhelm is not entirely bad news, as long as we are dealing with it effectively.  This doesn’t mean that we should focus our energies to banish it once and forever. It simply means that every time we feel overwhelmed, as often as that might happen, we don’t spin out of control, but we use our gained awareness for self-empowerment, by turning the state of overwhelm into a steppingstone for growth and as feedback for continuous improvements in our lives.

There are three simple steps to managing overwhelm, which I call ABC:

  • Step 1: Acknowledge
    • Taking gauge of our overwhelm levels is critical to avoiding burnout and operating at our highest productivity levels. Chronic or acute pain, lack of sleep or other physical ailments are typical signs of overwhelm or even burnout.
    • The act of acknowledging overwhelm is allowing us to pause before some recalibration and action. We are, often times, one deep breath away from the path that leads to success.
  • Step 2: Be bold
    • Simply acknowledging that we are overwhelmed does not mean conquering overwhelm. Even if we might not feel like it, it is important to set ourselves into motion – by thinking of what’s most important for us to do in that moment, and what steps we can take. Then, simply go about it and do it! This could include making a phone call, signing up for a class, or simply taking a nap or many naps if you are chronically tired.
    • Boldness can be in the action to be taken but it could also be in what we are deciding to no longer act upon, or in what could be placed on hold, abandoned or replaced.
    • This step is, at the end, deciding in that particular moment what our top priorities are – at least on the very short term – which ought to be aligned with our top values and in touch with our limited time and resources. This can be done by assessing what can wait, what is time sensitive, what is important, what can be delegated, or where we might need to get help…If this part is hard, use the 5-year test … imagine yourself 5 years from now and think of what would matter the most that you have done or achieved in that moment.
  • Step 3: Celebrate
    • We are human beings and not human doings.
    • Often times, we underestimate the power of rewarding ourselves after taking a first step, reaching a milestone or meeting a goal. The more we celebrate ourselves and grow into our biggest cheerleaders, the happier and more resilient we become.
    • A reward can take many forms including rest, time set aside for a hobby, or simply being around positive people, who understand the cathartic power of celebrating wins and victories of ourselves and of these around us.

As simple as these ABC steps might appear, they are effective because they are pushing us away from overwhelm into an empowered mindset, confident in and at peace about our choices, priorities and immediate action.

And if you are on the lookout for some further tips on managing overwhelm, several listed below were learned the hard way on my own personal and professional journey:

  • Every time you remember something to do or act upon, write it down in your notebook, planner, or your calendar, …
  • Do a regular brain dump…listing all items that are on your mind, some of them turned into clutter.
  • If you can’t make progress or you have too many things you would like to accomplish, make a point to spend 15 minutes on each of your goals every day or have dedicated blocks of time in the week for your top 3 goals. If you have more than 3 goals, think about what can be put on hold or sequenced in a way that doesn’t put stress on your limited resources. Think what goals could be thought of in terms of ranges and could be deemed achieved whether it’s at minimum, average or maximum levels: e.g. the goal of being fit could be deemed achieved in a week by going to the gym anywhere between 2 and 5 times.
  • Be mindful of how many workstreams are started vs completed. It can be more productive and less stressful to not start something new, until the item that might clutter your planner, or mental and physical energy is covered. Sometimes it takes overall less energy to get that item done, rather than to carry it through on your to-do list from a day, week, month to another – taxing your energy and happiness levels.
  • Ask for help, rest, take breaks. This is something that could make type A personalities uncomfortable, while high achievers understand that balance and high productivity are not something we achieve 24/7 but an optimization function across emotions, resources, energy, and responsibilities.

Although our brains like us to think we are perpetually in survival mode, it behooves us to draw a line in the sand and pragmatically deal with overwhelm. We are powerful human beings with the capacity to pause, take action, then celebrate; these are three simple steps which, if turned into a lifestyle, have the potential to lead to beautiful and fulfilling lives.