Finding our way to a fulsome life is a goal and yearning that we all share. It might take different pathways and timelines, but we all know when we have got there. It is that place and time in life when, irrespective of external circumstances, met or unmet personal and professional goals, we live with self-awareness and compassion vis-a-vis ourselves and, subsequently, these around us. It is that time and place in our lives when we recognize we are all on a journey to self-love, and that behind many of our aspirations, shortcomings and frustrations, it is just that – a deep desire for feeling loved, appreciated, and understood.

The journey to a fulsome life is rarely a straight line. It usually zigzags across many chapters and experiences of life, through hills and valleys, deserts and seas, sunsets and sunrises, storms and rainbows… We know we are nearing the destination when the following starts to happen:

• We are in touch with our body and needs. This practice is under-rated in our busy lifestyles. At times, it takes a breaking point or getting close to a breaking point -mentally or physically – to realize how important it is to listen to our bodies. This might take the form of getting the rest we need or medical attention in a particular area, better nutrition or practicing walking or a new physical activity. Thinking back to how our bodies have carried us through over years and different experiences of life (e.g. including birthing if you are a mom), it is hard not to be in awe at the strength and dignity of our bodies. And beyond the physical needs, there can also be emotional needs impacting our bodies. The extreme might be coming from traumatic experiences. “The body keeps the score” as per psychiatrist Bessel Van der Kolk, as traumatic memories can get stuck in our bodies and come as fragments of images, physical sensations or intense emotions. Unhealed and unprocessed trauma can lead to mental or physical health issues, as well as tendencies to numb emotional pain via destructive behaviors vis-a-vis our bodies.
• We are in touch with our emotions. This practice is also under-rated in our systems of learning and lives. Teaching about emotions seems to stop in pre-school years, despite the fact that the way we deal with both positive and negative emotions is key to a healthy and joyful life. Dr. David Hawkins in his book “Letting Go, the Pathway of Surrender” talks about the importance of not suppressing or repressing emotions: “Letting go involves being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it, and letting it run its course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it. It means simply to let the feeling be there and to focus on letting out the energy behind it.” It is equally important to allow ourselves to sit with our negative emotions in order to let go of them, as it is to make space for our positive emotions which amplify the beauty and gifts of our life, relationships and the present moment. And this is important because more often unconsciously rather than consciously, “what we are holding inside colors our world“: “To the fearful person, this world is a terrifying place. To the angry person, this world is a chaos of frustration and vexation.”
• We practice self-compassion which in turns leads to compassion towards others. This practice is often misunderstood or mis-applied. Self-love is not about unhealthy egocentric behaviors which we can fall prey to when putting ourselves and our needs first. Self-love is about us becoming our ultimate best friend and cheerleader in a way that cultivates not the strongest of egos but a compassionate human being. When we show ourselves self-compassion in the purest of ways, we can also more easily share this gift with these around us. When we forgive ourselves for our shortcomings or work-in-progress, we can also more easily forgive others for their shortcomings or imperfections. At times, self-compassion takes the form of setting boundaries; other times, it is building new bridges and reaching out to others with the yoke of judgement surrendered. Dr. Kristen Neff sums it up perfectly in her book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself“: “When we’re mainly filtering our experience through the ego, constantly trying to improve or maintain our high self-esteem, we’re denying ourselves the thing we actually want most. To be accepted as we are, an integral part of something much greater than our small selves. Unbounded. Immeasurable. Free.”

A fulsome life is one where self-awareness and self-love are an anchor and a north star for who we are and what we do. None of this means relinquishing earthly goals and ambitions. It simply recognizes that self-love and self-awareness are catalysts to a fulfilled life. In the long history of humanity, a fulsome life is like a pebble creating a reverberating effect in the ocean of our intertwined lives:

“Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into the water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects” — Dalai Lama.