In these unprecedented COVID-19 times, more than ever, we are connected by this pandemic. We all face a similar struggle to make sense of each day, weather the crisis and keep sanity. At the same time, two parallel worlds exist – one with people at home in isolation, another one with heroes fighting the pandemic and caring for the sick. Connection and separation co-exist.

We live this paradox of separation and connection at a smaller scale too. As human beings, we crave for connection and belongingness. Maslow’s pyramid of needs includes the need for connection once basic physiological and safety needs are met. However, separation is unavoidable. Our personalities, experiences, backgrounds and roles in life are different: one cannot fully comprehend what another person is feeling, living or doing. Therefore separation, at a smaller or larger degree, is inherent.

So how can we strive in the midst of this paradox of connection and separation, between the yearning to belong and connect, and the unavoidability of separation?

• Embrace your purpose and differences. We all have our paths in life. When we step into our own purpose and potential, the connections among individuals and communities are enriched and more authentic. Anything short of it makes for a suboptimal connection, leading to frustration or separation.

• Surround yourself with like minded people. There is an African proverb that says “if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together”. A community of like minded people is a catalyst for growth and therefore stronger connection.

• Filter out negativity. Negativity can take multiple forms. At times, negativity may come from people we most love. Without an exit strategy in the realm of options in this case, what we can control is how much weight to give to other people’s actions or words.

• Stop making assumptions. Hurt comes when we let fears and past experiences interpret actions and words for us. The text your friend hasn’t responded to yet …it could simply be that your friend is having a long and tiring day.

• Increase empathy but don’t lower your standards. Developing empathy challenges our beliefs by forcing us to see things from another person’s point of view. Building a bridge across two positions however doesn’t mean we should compromise on our values and principles.

• Clarify your beliefs and values. What unites or separates us is ultimately found in our values and beliefs. Used as a compass, they will shape our decisions for connection vs separation and give us the courage to move forward with our choices.

The pitfall of this paradox is two-fold:

• Unhealthy balance towards connection or separation, which might result in unfulfillment (either because we are too busy connecting rather than walking into our purpose, or because we feel disconnected, and therefore unfulfilled).
• Rationalize a behavior, emotion or response, which might ultimately work against us. In his book “How you will measure your life“, Harvard Business School professor, Dr. Clayton Christensen, talks about the concept of marginal cost thinking in life and business: “The marginal cost of doing something ‘just this once’ always seems to be negligible,...but the full cost will typically be much higher. …It suckers you in, and you don’t see where that path is ultimately headed or the full cost that the choice entails.”

What we allow to connect or separate us becomes significant.

Our beliefs shape our actions, our actions shape our characters, and our characters shape our lives.

During these unchartered times, unwillingly to all of us, COVID-19 connects us across nations, social statuses, and generations… Let us also be connected – and not separated -by our positivity, strength and responsibility in response to this crisis.

Also known as…how we feel during those days of COVID-19

There are chapters in life when uncertainty or hardship might feel overwhelming. The act of living turns into a survival act, entangled in thoughts of stress, worry or uncertainty. Over time and as we experience both the good and the bad, we are confronted with two choices when a new crisis occurs: (1) dwell on the negative and become numb to what life might still be gifting us with, or (2) see through and beyond the pain, the uncertainty or the uncomfortable.

Many of us are feeling stuck those days during the COVID-19 pandemic. We wish we could touch the Reset button and go back to normal. I do too…but for now, it is impossible to change what we are going through. However, what we can control is how we respond to those unprecedented times. As Maya Angelou said, “if you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude“.

So how to minimize the feelings of being stuck during those COVID-19 days?

– Guard your mind: We can only change our attitudes when we take control of our thoughts and actions. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day – take guard of what’s going through your mind and hit Replace button every time thoughts of panic or discouragement emerge. Replace those thoughts with what resonates the most with you in your different roles. If you are a parent, you might tell yourself “I am calm and loving” a lot more often those days. If you are a leader having to make critical decisions, you might tell yourself “I am a leader with integrity and critical thinking”. Find your mantra thoughts to source beauty, positivity and strength. For example, you don’t need to be a religious person to find beauty in a verse like this: “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” Set aside time to ground yourself in positivity via meditation, prayer, reading,…whatever works for you.

– Reassess: Life as we know it has come to a halt. Maintaining the same expectations now as prior to this crisis is unrealistic, irresponsible or dangerous. Do an inventory of the activities, tasks, things you were doing before and realistically adjust your schedule and priorities in buckets of what’s critical, important, non essential or a nice to do,…

– Plan for life after COVID-19: Sooner or later, this crisis shall be through. For some of us unfortunately, it will be with an immensurable amount of loss of loved ones, jobs or businesses. But humanity will not go extinct- many of us, hopefully, will return to normal with just the inconvenience of the lockdown. National economies will recover eventually. In the Man’s Search For Meaning, Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and a Holocaust survivor, shares the secret to surviving dramatic experiences: “man…can only live by looking to the future and this is his salvation in the most difficult moment.”

– Stay grateful: While we can find a gazillion reasons why we feel cheated by life nowadays, there is likely at least a handful of reasons why you should still be grateful for during these times where life itself is under threat. If you have kids, working on a “gratefulness” journal during those days could keep them busy and focused at least for a few minutes 🙂 (win-win).

– Establish a routine and set specific objectives: A lot of things have changed. It might be counter to think a routine is even possible. However, a routine and keeping yourself accountable are critical to getting through this crisis. Set specific goals for the day and week both work and home side. Having some clear and specific goals, deadlines, schedules, projects to work on will help you stay focused and give you a sense of control. If you work a few hours per day with the kids at home, set an intention for what you will tackle during those hours as opposed to scrambling to get through everything. Even if you might only be able to accomplish two out of three goals set out for the day, you will relish in the progress and having made it through another day.

– Be a role model: Were you prepared or not, embracing this before or not, you are in the spotlight. How you react and act those days is saying more about who you are than all the accomplishments and accolades from the past. As a parent or as a leader, you are making decisions and exhibiting a certain behavior in response to this crisis. This doesn’t mean to repress negative emotions. During those uncharted times, we are all anxious and worried. However, use this to channel your communications and actions. As you feel those negative emotions rising, step up to encourage your teams or family members knowing the pain points are likely the same. Be a positive role model.

Yes, it’s not the best of times. We don’t know how much and how long this pandemic will affect each one of us. But as in every difficulty, there is some power in the experience and there is a choice moment by moment: (1) be a worrier or (2) be a warrier. Ask yourself how you want to remember those times. As times of worry or times of walking through the fire? As times of relinquishing control or staying in control of your thoughts and actions?

This shall pass as well.

We live in unprecedented times of crisis with the COVID-19 pandemic taking lives, jobs and a lifestyle that we have naturally taken for granted.

In January, at the beginning of a new year and decade, most of us were focused on new year and new decade resolutions. In less than two months, we are forced into quarantine such that the spread of the virus is contained.

In circumstances we have no control or choice over, it is critical to (1) prioritize safety; (2) not fall prey to negative emotions and (3) rally to find meaning in a situation that makes no sense.

There is no way one can find a silver lining in this terrible socio-economic calamity. However, as an eternal optimist, I cannot imagine any other generation in the history of civilization that could weather this crisis better than us. We are endowed with an incredible amount of human, social, technological, scientific and economic potential. In the face of adversity and challenge to our own existence, such amazing potential can devise breakthroughs, innovations, and new ways of thinking and acting that will leapfrog us as a society or protect future generations against similar or worst crises. So I cling to this hope and belief instead of panic and worry, no matter how justifiable those latter feelings might be.

Life is not what happens to us but what meaning we attach to it.

Therefore the main meaning I attach to this Coronavirus attack is RESET.

The reboot could take a few days, weeks or months but here what this reset may result in for each one of us:

–Increased responsibility. In moments of crisis like today’s, we are called to responsibility at multiple levels. We are first called to:

– Responsibility to each other, as a community and society, by abiding by what medical experts and governments are calling us to do.

– Responsibility towards our own families by keeping safety first, and maintaining a sense of calm, peace and routine.

– Responsibility towards our employers, teams, institutions by doing the best circumstances allow us to do and anchor our responses in values that could be at test now. Overall, increased responsibility over our choices and responses, which we have always had but may have never come with such cruel consequences.

– Improved relationships. Ironically, we have been practicing for a while some amount of “social distancing” via fading relationships left to social media posts. While in parallel, our busy lifestyles have at times left us without energy for the relationships that counted the most, our own families. Forced into quarantine, we have the time to talk, love, care, be genuine and vulnerable in those relationships that we identify in moments of crisis like today’s as most important to us.

– Pruning. Faced with such amount of potential or real loss and uncertainty, we are pruning. Tasks, things, relationships, activities or situations that bothered us in the past may once and for all stay in the past. We now have the courage or no other choice than to move on by letting go and focusing on what’s important, effective or necessary.

– Increased sense of urgency. There cannot be a stronger reminder of how fragile our existence is than when lives are at risk due to an obnoxious and invisible virus. If we don’t do what matters today, tomorrow is never promised. Take stock of your responsibilities, gifts and dreams, and be a doer and a light in this world.

– Crediting heroes. The heroes during this COVID-19 pandemic are found in the medical field. Nurses, doctors, hospital workers are the soldiers in the trenches protecting us. At any moment in life, there will be people and professions that deserve praise and gratitude for their sacrifices or extra miles. Beware of false heroes and give credit to the true heroes.

While the world as we know it has come to a halt, the RESET must be on for all of us. That’s how we activate the potential that is in us as a community and society as a whole.

The world needs us!

Presenting can be stressful but as much as you would happily avoid making a presentation, it is a necessary stepping stone to increased responsibility and recognition. A meeting where you are being asked to present (e.g. at an offsite or large gathering) may also denote your increased visibility, trustworthiness and reputation in an organization.

Learning about the relationship between anxiety and excitement is a key milestone in developing your presentation skills.

Once you understand how to leave anxiety behind, a new world opens up where you can in fact enjoy or even volunteer to make presentations!

Turning anxiety into excitement prior to making a presentation follows the process below:

–First, remember that our bodies react in the exact same way to both anxiety and excitement. Shaky voice, sweaty palms, heart racing…all those reactions are common for both anxiety and excitement. The difference will be made by how our mind interprets those signs.

– Second, think about how you would feel for a second, if you were able to put those feelings of nervousness aside. Will you continue to be afraid or will you in fact feel excited about the opportunity at hand, to share insights, to present…? By turning the excitement button on, instead of amplifying your fears, you will trick your brain into taking it all in as a positive versus a “fight or flight” experience.

– Third, as you are identifying how excited you are and why, state it out loud or mentally. For instance “I’m excited to share my findings in…” means you are seeing yourself doing it. This is in fact akin to visualization, a technique widely used in sports psychology by world class athletes. Furthermore, in the process of focusing on what you are excited about, it becomes less about you and more about the opportunity and journey ahead, or how you might be of service to someone or something… This diminishes what phycologists refer to as the spotlight effect, a social anxiety that is likely to occur when people overestimate how much other people are paying attention to them – “although one is the center of one’s own world, one is not the center of everyone else’s“.

The journey to great communication and presentation skills may be a long one. Great public speakers are made, not born.

However, once you learn how to turn nervousness into excitement, you are graduating to a new level of public speaking and communication skills. Over time and with practice, you will master this transition in a matter of minutes or seconds. It becomes second nature, a liberating step and fertile ground for future breakthroughs.

I would love to hear from you as you practice the above, applicable by the way to any situation you feel nervous about, like a presentation, call or meeting.

Carpe diem is one of my favorite reminders to be present in the moment.

It is a Latin phrase that goes back to Roman poet Horace. It’s been most often translated as seize the day, and interpreted as seize the moment without concern for the future or in Horace’s words “puting little trust in tomorrow”.

My interpretation of carpe diem is seize the day with a lot of trust in tomorrow. Without setting an intention for what tomorrow and the future may hold, how can we be seizing today with the highest levels of commitment and energy? Or how can we find strength in the midst of what today may throw at us?

How to find your Carpe Diem definition?

– Set a time for a profound visualization experience this week. In “The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People”, Stephen Covey invites us to begin with the end in mind by visualizing our own funerals. It seems counter to talk about seizing the day and funerals. However, stay with me a little longer...Think about what you would want to hear at your funeral in regards to how you lived your life, your character, the contributions and difference you may have made. Tom Rath, human behavior researcher notes that having a meaningful life or work doesn’t necessarily require something grand or grandiose. It’s first about what we do every day and the people in our lives.

– Spend some time thinking about your roles, values and what is important to you. Draft a list with questions that you will want to respond positively at the end of your life. Brendon Burchard, a world class coach, introduced this idea with questions he has been asking himself every day for the last two decades: Did I love? Did I matter? Did I live? My version includes:

–At personal level: Did I love? Did I grow? Did I let fears hold me back?

–At professional level: Did I challenge myself and my team to grow? Did I bring value? Was I a role model?

– Share your questions with someone you love or trust. This discussion is an opportunity to mark a new level of intention and further refine and reflect on your life mission.

– Set a morning reminder on your phone with your end of life questions. Knowing what you are striving for in life will embolden you for the day ahead.

– Every night, think about your day and if you lived in congruence with your end of life questions.

Whether you are 15 years old or 70 years old, it is never too late to set an intention for what’s ahead.

Carpe Diem is an invitation to live intentionally by living daily answers to your end of life questions.

When you do, you have lived more authentically, intentionally, and at peace with yourself, your life and your growth journey…

In Howard Thurman words, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive“.

Carpe Diem!

Regardless of your profession or position, employed or self employed, if you are a high performer, you are more likely to:

(1) be satisfied with your professional development

(2) have been promoted or recognized more often or faster in your environment.

If you aspire to be or are a high performer, the attributes and principles below shape high performance:

• Consistent hard work: There is no shortcut for good or high performance. First things first, and that’s why reliability and consistency in delivering on what you do are foundations to build upon.
• Integrity and work ethics: Those are also fundamental values that if lacking can bring down and destroy reputation and trust. This is as much about upholding moral and ethical values, as is about walking the talk regardless of your audience.
• Do your best and the best will get better over time: I grew up with my mom always pointing out the uselessness of starting something if I was not ready to give it the appropriate amount of attention and effort. In other words, go wholeheartedly about your work. Putting forth the best effort at a particular time doesn’t avoid mistakes, but you will persevere and your next best will be a forward progression.
• Positive attitude and energy: you can work really hard, but if you don’t project or have a positive attitude, your negativity will eventually turn your internal or external customers off. We all have bad days and good days, but strive to show up as a driven and passionate learner and contributor.
• Clarity in goals and execution: Not all projects and activities are equally important. Make sure you are spending enough time and resources on what matters the most. The Pareto principle suggests that 80% of our results come from 20% of our activities. Bernard Burchard, a high performance business coach, sees this as spending 60% of our time each day on needle moving activities. This requires time management skills but also the ability to figure out by ourselves or with help from others, what are key needs or projects that add value.
• Be patient: if you are doing all of the above but are still not being recognized, maybe all you need is some patience. We all know the saying: people don’t quit their jobs, they quit their bosses. Bad bosses may eventually move on, as not a good fit with the organization. Or new opportunities arise. Keep building your expertise and knowledge. Be it within your organization or a new one, high performance is like an iceberg. It will eventually surface, and once it does, you will be a force to be reckoned with. That’s when you will start being noticed and groomed for growth, or when your business will boom.

Regardless of where you are on the spectrum of performance, it’s never too late to start applying principles of high performance.

Give yourself a chance to see how your environment and opportunities change for the better when you put forth the best effort.