Growth Is A Journey

Book: The How Of Happiness, A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want

Author: Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California with Ph.D. in social psychology from Stanford University; https://thehowofhappiness.com/

Key message of the Book: Higher levels of happiness are achievable because – based on research – 40% of our happiness is determined by our intentional activity or behavior, while 50% is influenced by our genetic makeup and only 10% by our life circumstances. This means that 40% of our happiness is within our ability to control through “what we do in our daily lives and how we think.” Our circumstances (e.g. rich or poor, healthy or sick, married or single, getting promoted, moving to a different city or country…) -which are often mistakenly believed to make a huge difference in our lives – don’t create lasting happiness primarily due to a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation – the ability of “human beings to adapt to favorable changes” to the point that these circumstances will no longer provide the happiness boost they once provided. Furthermore, even if we are born with a lower set point for happiness due to our inherited genes, there are strong reasons and perks to undertake some “happiness work”: “In becoming happier, we not only boost experiences of joy, contentment, love, pride and awe but also improve other aspects of our lives: our energy levels, our immune systems, our engagement with work and with other people, and our physical and mental health.” Based on research, happy people are also “better leaders and negotiators and earn more money”; they also live longer.

With 40% of our happiness being driven by our behavior, the author documents several “happiness boosting” activities that an individual can undertake to increase his/her happiness level. An effective “happiness strategy” takes into account each individual’s strengths, weaknesses, values, needs and lifestyle such that practices that are a better fit and come more naturally to that individual are being pursued: e.g. someone might get a higher happiness boost from a walk in nature or a party with friends versus committing himself/herself to a gratitude journal or reading a book. The fit could be identified by what comes more easily or naturally to someone, at least at the beginning.

Happiness-increasing activities, detailed in the book with associated practices and documentation on their proven effectiveness based on numerous studies conducted or researched over the author’s 15-year research career, include:

• expressing gratitude
• cultivating optimism
• avoiding overthinking and social comparison
• nurturing and investing in relationships
• learning to forgive
• increasing flow experiences
• savoring life’s joys
• taking care of your body and soul, via meditation, physical activity, and spiritual or religious practice.

The key in becoming happier – activating the 40% of happiness that is within our control – is to commit to and implement happiness practices like the above. These activities boost positive emotions and positive experiences which ultimately increase our happiness level. This is because “Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us…. […] …happiness, more than anything, is a state of mind, a way of perceiving and approaching ourselves and the world in which we reside. ”

Another key to becoming happier is to vary these happiness-boosting practices such that they yield most benefits and avoid us moments of frustration or boredom: “A crucial method of maximizing the impact of an activity is to attend to its variety. So sprinkle a little of this and a little of that, revivify your happiness strategies on a regular basis, surprise yourself sometimes. Regard happiness as an adventure, full of enterprise, developments, and detours.”

One specific learning from the book:  Cultivating optimism is one happiness activity the author recommends. One specific practice for cultivating optimism involves writing a narrative description of your “best possible future self” across all or specific areas of your life on a regular basis. Journaling about your best future self helps gain insights into your own goals, needs, and builds momentum and motivation to achieve your dreams, and be a happier person.

One favorite quote from the book: “The fountain of happiness can be found in how you behave, how you think, and what goals you set every day of your life – there is no happiness without action.”

One favorite passage from the book: “….some people associate happiness-enhancing strategies with people who seem to be too cheery and blissed out to be real….Above all, understand that there are many faces of happiness aside from the ubiquitous smiley face and the inspirational poster. The face of happiness may be someone who is intensely curious and enthusiastic about learning; it may be someone who is engrossed in plans for his next five years; it may be someone who can distinguish between the things that matter and the things that don’t; it may be someone who looks forward each night to reading to her child. Some happy people may appear outwardly cheerful or transparently serene, and others are simply busy. In other words, we all have the potential to be happy, each in our own way.”

Additional resources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/how-happiness

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: Time Management In 20 Minutes A Day – Simple Strategies To Increase Productivity, Enhance Creativity, and Make Your Time Your Own

Author: Holly Reisem Hanna

Key message of the Book: Time management is not a “fit-for-all” set of systems, tools and disciplines. Finding the right practices and tools involves a lot of experimenting, as the author discovered in her own life. The book is a quick read with simple strategies that helped author Holly Reisem Hanna to increase her productivity, creativity and overall well-being as a busy mom and entrepreneur. Holly’s strategies include:

• Setting daily goals & 30-minute time blocking for all daily activities (especially when we all tend to under-estimate the time needed to complete a task), starting with highest priorities.
• Reduce digital distractions that could lead to mindless scrolling and un-necessary fear of missing out.
• Evaluate priorities on a regular basis by doing brain dumps, re-assessing what’s urgent versus non urgent, a short-term versus a long-term goal, and assigning realistic deadlines to all.
• Simplify, declutter, delegate, batch, and automate whenever and wherever possible.

One specific learning from the book:  Two items worth highlighting are:

1. Time blocking: the author recommends 30-minute blocks with each “day’s errands, appointments and must-do tasks, starting with your highest priorities”. The strategy is effective because “having a scheduled time for each task lets you know exactly how much you can realistically take on each day, making it easier to accomplish each task.” The practice is presented as something that could be done at the end of each day for no longer than 10 minutes.
2. “Stop doing” list: in addition to a to-do list, the author is also recommending a “stop doing” list to identify habits, activities and tasks that should be let go off: ” When you get crystal clear on what you don’t want in your life, you become more focused on the things that you do want.”

One favorite quote from the book: “You only get one chance with time; once it’s used up, it’s gone forever.”

One favorite passage from the book:

“When it comes to perfection, the bottom line is this: Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to achieve some unattainable standard. Give yourself and others grace and consider how you feel and what you want to be remembered for – then learn to let the rest go. You are the only one who gets to decide what is a priority in your life and what is not. Do not let an unrealistic mind-set or someone else’s definition of success dictate your task list or your sense of well-being!”

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Author: Dr. Travis Bradberry & Dr. Jean Greaves

Key message of the Book: Emotional intelligence is a critical skill that anyone should be looking at strengthening with research and numerous studies having found it to be “the single predictor of performance in the workplace and the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence” as per the authors Dr. Bradberry and Dr. Greaves.

Emotional intelligence is defined as the set of four skills – self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management – grouped around two competencies: personal competence and social competence.

• Personal competence is “your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies.”
• Social competence is “your ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships.”

The four above-mentioned emotional intelligence skills can be expanded by applying specific strategies. For example:

• Self-awareness is the ability to “accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations” and can be improved by a number of strategies including allowing yourself to feel both negative and positive emotions, keeping a journal about your emotions, understanding and tracking the source of your feelings and triggers, revisiting your values and whether your emotions and behavior are in line with these values, observing the effect your emotions have on others around you, and seeking feedback from others. As we can’t escape our emotions – “your hard-wired emotional reactions to anything come before you even have a chance to respond” – we can only strive to become more self-aware.
• Self-management: is the ability to “use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively” or “to actively choose what you say and do” and can be improved by strategies such as deep breathing, making your goals public, sleeping on a situation before taking action, setting aside time in your day for problem solving and thinking, taking control of your self-talk, visualizing yourself succeeding, and building good sleep habits.
• Social awareness: is the ability to “accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them.” Good strategies for expanding your social awareness include greeting people by name, watching body language, and practicing listening and empathy.
• Relationship management: is the ability to “use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully” and can be expanded by being open and curious, acknowledging other person’s feelings, sharing feedback, showing care, increase transparency on your decision-making, providing constructive and direct feedback, aligning your words and actions with your intent, and taking the high road when entering tough conversations.

One specific learning from the book:  If there is misalignment between your emotions and your words, you could be in a situation where you might be sending a mixed signal that can cause mistrust or confusion in a relationship. The authors explain how the best way to deal with this is to “use your self-awareness skills to identify your emotions and use your self-management skills to decide which feelings to express and how to express them“. At times, “the best bet is to explain what’s happening (i.e. “If I seem distracted, it’s because I can’t stop worrying about a phone call that went awry this morning”).”

One favorite quote from the book: “Getting to know yourself inside and out is a continuous journey of peeling back the layers of the onion and becoming more and more comfortable with what is in the middle – the true essence of you.”

One favorite passage from the book:

“Since our brains are wired to make us emotional creatures, your first reaction to an event is always going to be an emotional one. You have no control over this part of the process. You do control the thoughts that follow an emotion, and you have a great deal of say in how you react to an emotion – as long as you are aware of it.”

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: 100 Ways To Motivate Others, How Great Leaders Can Produce Insane Results Without Driving People Crazy

Author: Steve Chandler and Scott Richardson

Key message of the Book: 100 Ways To Motivate Others is a synthesis of leadership traits and principles that a leader ought to exhibit in order to motivate others to achieve desired results. A practical guide in leadership, the book includes powerful and condensed insights with truths and myths about motivation and leadership, as well as many inspiring real-life stories and anecdotes. A leader who motivates others is not a leader who controls them, but one who knows himself/herself well and acts intentionally, in a way that is inspiring to these around him/her.

For instance, great leaders who motivate others are these who:

• understand the need for providing real and regular feedback, and the power of thoughts and of continuous learning;
• know that self-discipline and focus are to be learned like a foreign language and are not innate traits;
• get input from their people;
• don’t confuse stressing with caring; are “ruthlessly” optimistic and replace worry with action;
• manage agreements and not people;
• don’t “focus first on trying to be liked” but “on the practices and communications that lead to being respected”;
• don’t try to be right all the time;
• teach others to embrace challenges and changes as they arise, to master problem-solving and do what’s required.

One specific learning from the book:  It can be draining to have pessimists in a team – these individuals who seem to perpetually complain and have a negative attitude about everything. To motivate such individuals is to inspire them. The real work is not on the pessimists to change but on the leaders to seek ways to become an inspirational figure in a pessimist’s life. Inspiration is more powerful than constructive criticism because “victims and pessimists hate to be fixed, hate to be corrected, and even hate to be taught things, because their whole position is defensive.”

Another specific learning is about inspiring “inner stability” for others even under circumstances that are always changing. People generally yearn for stability and leaders can offer that, not by looking outside themselves but by finding stability and calm within themselves in the “inner enthusiasm for work“. Doing your best as a leader every single day is a source of stability even when external changes occur: “Does anything motivate people more than to be in the presence of a leader with inner stability and self-esteem?”

One favorite quote from the book: “Masterful, artful, spirited leadership has ways of bringing out the best and the highest expression of self-esteem in others”.

One favorite passage from the book:

“You will really enjoy motivating others if you start thinking of your life as a mathematical equation. […]

Here it is:

When you are positive (picturing the math sign: +) you add something to any conversation and meeting you are part of. That’s what being positive does, it adds.

When you are negative (-), you substract something from the conversation, the meeting, or the relationship you are a part of. If you are negative enough times, you substract so much from the relationship that there is no more relationship left.

When you are a positive leader with positive thoughts about the future and the people you lead, you add something to every person you talk to.”

Steve Chandler & Scott Richardson, 100 Ways To Motivate Others

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: Small Habits Big Changes, How the Tiniest Steps Lead to a Happier, Healthier You

Author: Steven Handel https://stevenhandel.com

Key message of the Book: Transformational life changes and long-term improvements are achieved via the collection of small habits we integrate into our daily routines. This is because big changes never or rarely happen overnight; as per the author, changes are “often slow and gradual” and dependent on our daily actions: “Often, it’s not any single act that will completely change your life, but the consistency and the persistence of a habit that leads to real consequences over time.”

Big SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound) goals are a valuable way to push us forward, but they become a reality or a means for transformation when they are accompanied by specific tactics, systems and routines … which enable us to get from state “A” to state “B” on the long-term.

As part of this framework, the author describes several essentials we ought to pay attention to, create and re-create in our lives – on a regular basis – for self-growth and self-improvement. These include (1) what morning and nighttime routines we develop; (2) the basics of sleep, diet and exercise, which are critical for sustaining positive habits and good performance, and (3) the systems we put in place, which can turn into a lifestyle, if pursued consistently.

One specific learning from the book:  In the self-improvement literature, there is a lot of talk about “going outside of our comfort zone” – by pushing our boundaries and conquering our fears. That is good advice; however, it does not mean that “staying inside our comfort zone” is always bad. The author makes the point that going outside our comfort zones often times comes with costs and stress, and it is equally important to give ourselves “permission to take it easy and “chill” out”. In other words, is it important to understand what activities enable us to relax and recharge, especially after sustained levels of effort. Building relaxation into our days and lives is as important as hard work and building disciplines and systems for focused efforts.

One favorite quote from the book: “Think Big, Act Small”.

One favorite passage from the book:

“Our patience is strongest when we have a healthy expectation of future difficulties and obstacles. Get ready to be challenged. Get ready to make mistakes. Get ready to fail. And make sure you are ready to keep moving forward no matter what happens.”

Steven Handel, Author of Small Habits Big Changes

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.

Book: The High Achievers’Guide To Happiness, Confidence, And Success By Dan Sullivan, founder of Strategic Coach with Dr. Benjamin Hardy

Key message of the Book: When it relates to our goals and happiness, there are two ways of being – in the gap or in the gain – based on what our reference point is.

• If we measure ourselves against an ideal, needs and wants, we function from a state of gap, lack and frustration.
• If we measure ourselves against our starting point, we appreciate our progress and accomplishments, which puts us in a state of gain.

When we are in the gain, we are more likely to extract uses, lessons, and purposes from our experiences, in other words, we are turning our life experiences into either wins or learning. This type of living becomes a catalyst for more impactful and meaningful GAINS.  To practice our “GAIN” muscles, we need to build the habit of journaling and measuring our top gains, as well as defining what our desired gains for the future are.

One specific learning from the book: 

• Personal development: The self-determination theory says that a crucial aspect of motivation and thriving is autonomy: “The more independence and ownership you take for yourself, your circumstances and your life, the more self-determined you will be.” In order to become self-determined and intrinsically motivated, we need to define our “success criteria”, our “I’m being happy/successful when” versus “I will be happy/successful when…”
• Leadership development: We can help others see and appreciate their own gains by (1) asking them about their recent progress and (2) pointing out to them their progress. When we are in a difficult situation, we can help others find the GAIN with questions like: “What is the GAIN in this?” Or “How can we turn this into a GAIN?”.

Favorite quote from the book: “Happiness is a byproduct of realizing that you are the destination”.

Additional resources: Home – Gap And The Gain Book (gapandgainbook.com)

Growth Is A Journey book review is intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insights from the book, with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.