A car accident (fortunately with no injuries involved) comes with a lot of emotions and feelings. Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying” referred to 5 stages of grief when faced with unexpected losses, such as a terminal illness. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, and could be lived in any sequence or length.
Whatever traumatic event you might be facing or have faced in life, therein lies an unwrapped gift for you to open when you find the courage to drill down with your soul, mind and body:
What has happened? Could there have been a different way? What are the practical lessons from this event, that I should carry forward? How could someone I love avoid being in a similar situation?
How much worse could it have been? Did I live/see the worst? Did the worst happen?
What’s the significance I choose to associate with this event? A failure, a loss, a tragedy, a reminder that how much I try, I cannot win? Or a sign that change is always permanent and that strength is won when resistance happens? What if this can be the beginning of a better future, of breakthroughs and of truth? Do I want to look back at this time and see it as a time of failure or as a time when big changes and decisions started happening?
What’s next from here? Can this be a springboard to soar, to start new habits, to do something new? How does this practically looks like in my relationships, day-to-day interactions, decisions and actions?
On the backdrop of a challenging and unprecedented year, this car accident is in fact shaping a response and a positioning to carry forward in 2021: what if I didn’t take anything or anyone for granted? And to be honest, I had heard those same words just some time ago in a differently wrapped gift of another experience. As Pema Chodron says in her book “When Things Fall Apart”, “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”
We make thousands of decisions every day and we make decisions – good or bad, conscious or unconscious, on or off autopilot- in a split of a second. So in this split of a second, what if I didn’t take anything or anyone for granted? How would I act, respond, interact? How would I feel? What would I do and how would I be as a parent, daughter, spouse, leader, friend,…? What would I in fact do differently if I didn’t take anything or anyone for granted? Who and what would I appreciate, encourage, empower, love and care for more? How would I challenge myself or others, or fight for my dreams, rights and hopes?
Your questions and responses might be different than mine but here to a 2021 with no one and nothing taken for granted!
Maxim Dsouza is a self-improvement blogger with over a decade of experience with startups. He has led teams for over a decade, made mistakes and learned the hard way. On his blog, Productive Club, he provides unique tips and tricks on productivity, time management , and entrepreneurship from his real life experience.
A few years back, most goals I aimed for followed a typical pattern.
I would target a deadline and fail to achieve it.
People speak about the importance of achieving the goal within a stipulated time all the time. But today, we’ll discuss how to make it happen.
Failing to meet deadlines has different reasons, and each problem requires a solution of its own. Finding the right answer begins right from the first step of setting the right expectations.
Before I get into methods for meeting deadlines, knowing different types of deadlines is crucial to meet them.
These are the projects and the timelines imposed on you by other people or circumstances. You have little to no control to modify them. For example:
You’re an employee, and your boss wants a project delivered
You’re a startup founder, and the investors want you to launch the product by a specific date
You’re an unemployed person, and you only have the cash to manage expenses for the next 2 months
As you can see in the examples, working for yourself or an organization has little to do with the timelines. You’ll have deadlines imposed on you even if you’re the owner of a billion-dollar company.
In this category of deadlines, you face dire consequences if you fail to achieve your target.
The typical cycle of working towards the deadlines imposed on you follow the pattern as shown below:
You take the first few portions of the time available lightly. When the deadline seems far away, you believe you can afford to relax.Instant gratification kicks in urging you to enjoy the current comfort and worry about the work later.
As the target time approaches closer, you think about starting, but decide to wait some more. Even if you begin the job, you put in bare minimum effort just to show some progress. After more time passes by and the deadline is a stone’s throw away, you panic, get into full gear, work under pressure, pull a few all-nighters, and deliver at the final moments of a ticking clock.
The complexity of the work or size of the project has little to do with your behavior. If the deadline is 6 months away, you relax for the first few months. If you have to deliver the task in 6 hours, you browse social media for the first few hours. The time you waste remains proportional to the effort required to pull off the job.
The only exception is when the deadline is too right from the offset. In such cases, you jump into action right away.
The deadlines you set for yourself
Whether you realize it or not, we all set deadlines for ourselves. Some have a habit of putting them on paper or an app, while others set a mental timeline.
The deadlines we set for ourselves fall under two categories again, depending on your personality and the circumstances.
a. Unrealistic deadlines:
These are the deadlines you set for yourself which are downright impossible to achieve unless you pull off a miracle. Go-getters often make such mistakes to reach a target quickly or by aiming for too many goals. The reasons for such deadlines vary from person to person, but false belief and overconfidence in your abilities are the most common.
Deep in your heart, you know that you won’t meet the timeline, but you fool yourself to believe that you will. Finally, you curse yourself for your inability to meet deadlines.
Keeping up the target dates starts with learning how to set deadlines. If you’ve set deadlines that you couldn’t meet in spite of pushing yourself to the limit, you should set realistic timelines with SMART goals.
b. Lethargic deadlines:
The majority of people fall victim to a laid back behavior of staying in their comfort zone. Even when you know you can complete a job early, you convince yourself that you have time. You extend the deadline as much as possible so that you can both take it easy and feel accomplished for getting work done.
Unfortunately, you set sluggish deadlines for the goals you care about the most.
In the above examples, you control the project and the timelines. Besides, the consequences only affect you or the people closest to you like your spouse and children.
When you set such deadlines, you usually fail to meet them. The pattern for the effort you put in looks as follows:
You relax during the first portions, just like the deadlines set by others. After a reasonable time has elapsed, you realize you have lazed around.
But here, a peculiar change occurs compared to the deadlines imposed by others. Since you’re the only person affected by the consequences, you tell yourself that you’ll start soon. You know that you’re going to postpone the deadline in the back of your mind, but you do not want to accept that yet.
As more time goes by, you realize the time left is no longer sufficient to achieve the target. Since you’re the sole decision-maker, you finally set a new target date. What is funny is, you add the whole duration again to the deadline to set a new target date.
Example for setting lethargic deadlines:
Let me explain with an example. You’re working at a job you hate, and you decide to find a new one in the next three months. You spend the first month telling yourself you have enough and more time to start hunting for another place to work at. In the second month, you convince yourself you still have time and start updating your resume.
You already know that you won’t put in the required effort in the days to come, but you do not accept it yet. You make a few changes to your resume as the second month whizzes by. When the third month begins, you realize that finding the right job in 30 days is unrealistic.
So what do you do? You give yourself another three months to achieve the target. The best part is, you allow yourself to relax for the whole third month because your new start date is your old deadline. The vicious cycle either repeats forever or takes a few iterations before you achieve the goal.
If your target is a long term goal, you repeatedly push the deadlines. The chances of never achieving the target are incredibly high.
Postponing self-imposed deadlines has killed more dreams than failure.
How to meet deadlines:
Here are five tips for doing a better job at meeting deadlines. Depending on your personality, the type of deadline and your motivation behind completing the goal, the effectiveness of these pointers will vary.
The same tips apply for students, working professional, entrepreneurs or others. Experiment with each of them and check what works best for you.
1. Do the first step early:
One of the biggest obstacles to completing a huge project is making up your mind to get started. You find one reason or the other to justify why you cannot begin. For example:
I have a hectic day today
I have enough time, so I will start tomorrow
The first step is easy, so I will begin later
No matter how small the first task is, get it done right away. You might only have to make a simple phone call or spend 5 minutes brainstorming. But, if you push the task for later, you will repeatedly procrastinate.
But if you take just one baby step forward, you’ll set things into motion and make constant progress. The first action builds momentum and sets the foundation for the rest of the journey.
2. Set milestones
When you’re on a long drive, have you noticed how the milestones invoke a feeling of inching closer towards the destination?
A milestone serves two essential purposes:
Tells you where you stand
Keeps you motivated because the target seems closer and closer
Despite the clear benefits of milestones, most of us fail to use them to achieve our long term goals. Your process of approaching a goal without any milestones looks like this:
If your destination is distant, the effort, time, and energy required can create a mental obstacle to begin.
In comparison, milestones make the same journey appear like the following:
Instead of defining your goal as one final destination, break it down into intermediate steps with a target and a timeline.
A long, arduous expedition now seems like a step by step adventure.
3. Use reminders:
Most of us do not possess the memory skills of a whiz kid. I have a hard time remembering things unless I note them down. Many of you might have the same challenge. Unfortunately, many people rely on memory to remind themselves even if it has repeatedly failed them in the past.
“I don’t need to write it down. I will remember it,” is one of the biggest lies you tell yourself. You ain’t gonna remember it. Period. Next time you convince yourself to rely on memory, watch out.
Instead, if you use reminders, you’ll stay on track towards your goals. You can pick any medium you find comfortable. You can set the alarm on your phone, mark a meeting with yourself on the calendar, or use an app to remind yourself of the unfinished work.
A word of caution here: Do not introduce a new medium to remind yourself. The more comfortable you are using a tool/application already, the higher the chances of setting consistent reminders for yourself. For example, do not install a task management app just for reminders if you haven’t used one before. You’ll be more consistent using a calendar reminder that you’re used to.
Also, do not use a platform that requires you to check for things to do manually. An automated reminder to help you recall the task necessary for an upcoming milestone works best.
4. Use a calendar view
Have you failed to meet a deadline because you forgot about it until it was too late? Don’t worry. It happens to many of us.
As mention in the previous tip, you must set reminders for the tasks you have to complete. At the same time, having an overall pulse of all your deadlines helps you stay on track and make any required course corrections.
Most of us have different goals from various spheres of our life that need attention. For example:
Career growth
Finances
Health
Relationships
Relaxation/hobbies
Keeping a tab on all of these as tasks is overwhelming. Instead, if you had one place where you could glance at all your deadlines, you’d know where to focus your time and energy.
A calendar view helps you get an overall picture of your upcoming deadlines. You can use the calendar on your computer/phone to mark an event/milestone/deadline. If you make this a habit, you only need to view the whole calendar a few times a week to keep yourself aware of the approaching targets.
Here is a screenshot of my calendar which outlines some of the milestones I have to achieve this week. You do not have to follow my model, but pick what suits your style.
Asana is one app that translates deadlines to a calendar view nicely.
Keep a tab on the things you have to accomplish because the only thing worse than missing a deadline is forgetting you had one.
5. Vision board
Though human beings are visual in nature, not everyone gains motivation by looking at a progress indicator. Using a vision board works for people who like to see visible signs of progress.
Now before you rule out this tip, hold on. Do not assume a vision board won’t help you without trying first. If you’ve made one before and you did not benefit from it, feel free to drop the technique. But unfortunately, people rule out ideas based on their thoughts without even giving it a shot.
I understood the power of a vision board only after I tried it myself. Today, my walls are full of chart paper tracking the progress of different goals.
You can use your custom made vision board as far as it meets two requirements:
Tracks the final result and preferably the progress
Is at a place where you can see it frequently
The first requirement is simple, where you need to mark the outcome you’re trying to achieve. Most vision boards stop at that. But, you’ll find more motivation if you find a way to mark your progress in some way, even if it involves a separate board.
The second requirement is making sure you look at the vision board frequently. Creating one in a notebook and leaving it in the drawer serves no purpose. You must place it at a location where you look at it at least every few days, if not every day. Stickers/cut-outs on walls/work desks and desktop wallpapers are among the best and most common places for vision boards.
Conclusion
Meeting deadlines is important for your career growth and personal satisfaction.
Therefore, you must look at it as a process to incorporate into your lifestyle. If you look at each project and its timeline as a standalone requirement, you’ll struggle to meet them. Instead, you can use the above tips and build a system to make a habit of meeting deadlines.
(Article published with Maxim Dsouza’s permission)
As we get close to wrapping up a challenging 2020, being intentional tops the rankings of what we might have learned and practiced the most this year. We have had to be more intentional to stay resilient and hopeful, to not fall prey to despair or depression, and to ultimately rebound from an experience that has made us lose control and our sense of normality.
Intention is important because without it we are like leaves in the wind, losing our attachment, values and identity.
Why it is that important to be intentional? When we are intentional about something, we position ourselves from a place of strength, desire and will. We are more responsible with our time and resources, and using them better. We are more intentional in our actions and relationships, and investing in them. We are more at peace because we are intentional about what we are undertaking, fueled by a “why” that comes from our values and deep desires.
Intention is ultimately finding that alignment from our heart and core, to our mind. It is taking responsibility for the dance of life, time, and choices, and practicing it with elegance, authenticity and freedom. Being intentional creates clarity and focus, which are catalysts for results, progress and ultimately fulfillment.
How to practice being intentional? If you don’t know how to start, just start with what you are intent on creating or doing for the next 30 minutes of your life. This means that for the set amount of time, you are giving all your energy and focus to that set purpose, and you will put away all distractions. Things are getting serious!!! You have permission to bring the best and do the best, whatever the task or mission at hand is. It’s you being you – the main character on the stage of your life – and not someone else, a distracted human being, lost in comparison with others or daydreaming about life. Once you taste the power of creating an intention for the next few minutes of your unique life, you will become more attuned about setting an intention for each day, week, and month…. This will slowly turn into a life full of moments of truth, passion and authenticity – when you are intentional about how you fill your days, the relationships you cultivate, the investments you make, how you respond to what comes your way, or simply but powerfully – how you love, live, exist….
A few keys to living the power of intention:
Clear away distractions including phone, social media, multitasking,…Distractions are like parasites, trying to feed on your energy and resources. It takes time and practice to move away from distractions, but the more you do, the more focus you bring – and the more successful you ultimately are in your set intention.
Practice self-care and self-compassion: if you are not in a good state of mind or running low on fuel, find a way to get yourself back in shape emotionally, physically or mentally. This can be as simple as taking a nap, going for a walk, meditating or reading a book. If you are tired and irritated, you cannot sustain being intentional about anything, no matter how hard you try.
Create energy: As Tony Robbins, world renowned coach teaches, energy is a habit that you can create in your life. The more energy you create in your life, the more you are able to influence your environment, and to bring the best in yourself and those around you. Practice whatever makes you energetic be it exercising, meditating, dancing…, eat healthy and get your zzzs – these are keys to maintaining good energy levels day to day.
Remember your values: when your intentions reflect your values, they are more able to withstand trial and the test of time. LaRae Quy notes in her book “The Secrets of A Strong Mind”: “The times I have been unhappiest are those when I became confused about what was valuable”.
Intention is power not because it assumes that we are omniscient – we know everything we would like to do, be, and achieve…. Intention is power because it challenges us to be present, to appreciate our existence in both the more mundane or the more extraordinary aspects of it, and to continuously strive to make adjustments and live in the service of who we really want to be and why.
As part of the Empowerment initiative, Growth Is A Journey is very honored to share Paul’s story of finding renewed purpose in his work, while getting ready to embark on a new chapter in life: retirement.
Paul Faeth is an executive in the environmental world, who recently got certified as an executive coach. As part of his environmental work, Paul is the founding president of a coalition of 24 organizations working to provide safe drinking water, hygiene, and sanitation (WASH) to the poor in Africa, Latin America and India; and served as the Executive Vice-President at the World Resources Institute (WRI), the world’s top environmental think tank. Paul also worked in over 40 countries and has been named one of Washingtonian magazine’s “Local Eco-Heroes.” For more details: https://paulfaethcoaching.com/
GIAJ: When is retirement for you, Paul, and what or who inspired you to look for renewed purpose at this point in life?
Paul: I am not old enough for retirement, but I can see it from here. I’m close enough that two years ago I began thinking about it intentionally. Having grown up in St. Petersburg, Florida, (a.k.a “God’s waiting room”), I saw many retirees who had given up their careers only to become disengaged from the world. My model, however, is my mother, who in retirement volunteered in the local hospital and numerous times won the county’s volunteer of the year award. She went to the Ringling Clown College and became a certified clown with her own trademark just so she could entertain the patients in the children’s ward. As she had been an accountant, my five siblings and I were pleasantly surprised by my mother’s rather dramatic shift later in her life.
My oldest brother has been similarly involved in retirement, starting off as a volunteer truck driver for the Red Cross, then moving up to be a local, then state field coordinator in Florida. For over a decade, he has been a national first-responder for domestic emergencies, including being the first Red Cross staff person in place for several emergencies every year, from the Fargo floods, to hurricanes Rita and Sandy.
GIAJ: What was the thought pattern and values that guided you the most in this soul-searching process?
Paul: As I started thinking about my own retirement, I tried to outline what I want from it. First, perhaps obviously, I want to cut my work schedule but not stop working altogether. Second, I want to use the skills I’ve acquired during my 35 years working in the environmental field. I’ve been all over the world, managed numerous teams, and at various times been a CEO, a COO, and even for a while, a CFO. I’d like to think that what I’ve learned could be useful to others in some way.
That got me thinking about my professional value at this stage of my life. As I reflected on the highlights of my own career, the times that I found the greatest enjoyment included my own successes, of course, but also included the growth and success of others. A particular example I recalled stood out. When I took over as the Managing Director and EVP of the World Resources Institute, our president had charged me with leading an organizational shift from a think tank, to a “do tank.” We set up a system to focus on outcomes and to collect and reward them. As part of this, we celebrated our top ten outcomes every year with a staff party, a public report describing the outcomes, and modest bonuses for the team that generated them.
One year, a young woman who had recently been promoted to a team leader asked why her team did not make the top ten. I explained what we were looking for and why her team missed. She asked if she could come to me for advice during the following year, and I agreed. We met about a dozen times that year to discuss everything from developing a strategy to managing her team. When the next time came around to recognize our top ten outcomes, the team she led made it. And when she was recognized, I was about as proud of her accomplishment as if I had done it myself.
As I reflected on this example and recalled many others like it, I discovered that my highest value in retirement may be as a coach for others. Not only have I “been there and done that”, but I enjoy listening, engaging and supporting others.
GIAJ: As you started thinking about coaching, how did you go about positioning yourself to become one?
Paul: I started by speaking with coaches I know. Reactions ranged from “If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have done it”, to “It’s easy, you’ll be great.” I suspected the truth was somewhere in between. The most helpful advice was to get certified as a coach. So, I found a highly recommended course and began the journey to certification. Between classwork, mentored coaching sessions, getting enough compensated hours of coaching to qualify, and a certification exam, the process took me about a year.
I was lucky to take a course that was loaded with people who either were already coaches or were professional counselors. I was the odd man out with no formal coaching or counseling background. I started out feeling very insecure and unsure of myself, but as the course progressed and I got feedback and encouragement from my mentors and colleagues, I became more confident in my ability to become a coach. I also realized that for what I wanted to do, executive coaching, that my executive experience was unusual – few executive coaches have been executives. This gave me confidence.
Eventually, I bit the bullet and decided to commit. I went part-time at my “regular” job to give me the time to invest in building a practice. I’ve found great enjoyment in coaching others and in the coaching approach, which focuses on helping clients through change processes by guiding them in identifying issues, developing action options and implementing them. The core of coaching is asking great questions that make a client come up with their own insights, not in giving them the perfect advice.
GIAJ: What has been the most rewarding part of these life changes and what piece of advice would you give to someone looking for a change in their career?
Paul: It has been a fun and rewarding journey. I have found great satisfaction in helping clients make a breakthrough, successfully try to do something differently and get a positive response, and ultimately, to achieve their professional or organizational goals. As to changing career, you have to recognize that a substantial investment of time and energy will be required to do that successfully. Be thoughtful about exploring opportunities and keep your expectations in check regarding how quickly you can do it. You may have to take a cut in pay and/or responsibility to make the move. And, I have to say this as a coach, it helps to get advice from someone who can guide you through the process.
Arnold Sanow, MBA, CSP (Certified Speaking Professional), is a speaker, trainer, coach, and facilitator. He is the author of 7 books to include, “Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere” and “Present with Power, Punch, and Pizzazz.” He was recently named by successful meetings magazine as one of the top 5 best “bang for the buck” speakers in the USA. www.arnoldsanow.com
Rapport is defined as “bringing agreement, harmony, and accord to a relationship.” Isn’t that what we want in our connections – to discover points of mutual interest or common ground, reach agreements, live and work together in harmony and enjoy interactions along the way- with more ease? Rapport is the magic ingredient for getting along with our customers, co-workers, colleagues, committee members, families, friends, neighbors and everyone else we encounter in any role, anywhere, anytime. Getting along means smoother sailing, fewer hassles, and more fun!
The key to revving up rapport lies in expressing the same qualities that people find attractive. It’s a pleasure/pain principle in action. We move toward the people we like- those who are easy to get along with, who make us feel comfortable, who bring out our best qualities (including our smiles, laughter, and good feelings).
In reverse, we move away from those who bring us discomfort- those with whom we find nothing in common, or who grate on our nerves, make us see red, hold up our plans, don’t meet our expectations, give us headaches, or provoke other negative responses.
The relationships that bring us pleasure and good experiences are likely to endear as well as endure, generating fond memories, long-lasting impressions, and joyful feelings. In contrast, the relationships that bring us discomfort and cause negative experiences are likely to test our endurance; although their accompanying impressions, feelings, and memories may also last, we probably wish they wouldn’t.
The ability to rev up your rapport is critical to creating enduring connections. Without it, you’re more likely to suffer the pain and stress of troubled relationships and disappointing connections. You may also miss out on wonderful opportunities and their power to transform. All are typical fallout from choosing a life of disconnection
Conversely, here are traits that typically turn people off or turn them away:
Abrasiveness
Lack of humor
Apathy
Negative attitude
Coldness
Poor body language
Insensitivity
Poor communication skills
Insincerity
Poor social skills
Lack of appreciation
Profanity
Lack of confidence
Rudeness
Not only does rapport enhance your personal and professional relationships, but it can also boost your company’s bottom line. Communicating with insight, perception, and empathy strengthens your efforts to keep customers happy, gain and maintain trust, regain favor with disgruntled clients and customers and increase the likelihood of getting their repeat business and their referrals. Likewise, building good rapport with colleagues improves the quality of your working relationships, with corresponding impact on productivity, creativity, cooperation, morale, and overall job satisfaction.
Here are five specific steps you can take to boost your rapport:
Call people by name. As Dale Carnegie stated in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” there is nothing more important to someone than their name”
Pay attention. When conversing with someone by phone or in-person, give them your full attention. Don’t get distracted by other people or tasks.
Don’t interrupt. When you interrupt someone, sensitivity, rapport, and commitment are killed. If there is one thing people hate, it’s being interrupted.
Treat others as special. To the extent that you treat someone as special and focus on their needs and concerns, they will immediately gravitate to you and want to deal with and work with you in the future. An excellent way to remember this concept is to greet every person you meet as if they were a long lost friend!
Be interested, not just entertaining. This is the key to popularity. Too many people end up talking all the time, dominating the conversation, and fail to have a two-way conversation. People love people who listen to them.
As Norman Vincent Peale stated, “Getting people to like you is merely the other side of liking them.”
As part of the Empowerment initiative, Growth Is A Journey is very honored to share the amazing story of artist Mariam Paré.
Mariam Fatima Paré was born in Kenitra, Morocco. Her father, a Marine Sargent was stationed in Morocco after the Vietnam War to work at the American Embassy and her mother was from near Tangier, Morocco. They came to live in the United States when she was very young. She always loved painting as a girl, and once her talent became obvious to her family, it was very natural that Mariam would be pursuing a career in arts.
In 1996, Mariam, a bourgeoning artist pursuing a degree in arts was visiting friends in Richmond, Virginia. Her life completely changed in a split of a second, when she was hit by a random bullet while sitting at a stop sign in her car. The bullet pierced her back and left her paralyzed for the rest of her life. At 20 years old, with her ability to keep a brush in her hands suddenly lost, her dream to become an artist appeared dead. Mariam’s expressive joy and passion were replaced by depression: “In the beginning I grieved a lot. I was very sad. Depressed. There’s no way to explain what it’s like to completely start over from ground zero in your life”. She was eventually introduced to the idea and technique of painting with her mouth: “Learning to paint with my mouth was very humbling. I really sucked at first. Months before my accident, I was painting sophisticated portraits and landscapes. I had a great talent and people loved it. But once I became disabled, it was like starting all over again. I had to learn how to draw again, learn how to paint again, learn how my mouth made brush strokes differently than my hand would make brush strokes. It really knocked my ego down because all my life, I had been praised for my artistic abilities. But here I was starting all over again.”
The fact that she could paint again gave Mariam a renewed purpose in life and her dream to become an artist came alive: “It was like a lifeline for me. And it gave me purpose. It gave me something to work on.” Seeing the potential again, Mariam’s goal had become to paint with her mouth at least as good as she once was with her hands. In Mariam’s own assessment, that took about 8-9 years. A few years later, Mariam realized how in fact her own disability has been actually setting her apart as an artist – a lot of her artwork differentiates itself by giving a voice to the disabled: “As a disabled person, being creative can be cathartic. It took me a long time to be able to make art about my disability. I was a painter of faces and landscapes and still lives, but there was a part of me that wanted to express my experience. When I finally got to the point where I felt I could paint about my experience as a paralyzed person, I painted all these birds tied to rocks and people buried up to their chest. I called the series Heavy. It was the first time in my life I was able to make art based on that. But once I was, it really helped me come to terms with my disability and my place in the world.”
In 2003, Mariam began a degree in Fine Art and in 2006, she was accepted as a member of the Association of Mouth and Foot Painting Artists (MFPA), an international, exclusive, and esteemed association of artists who paint professionally either by use of their mouth or feet.
Fast forward to 2020, her artwork has been exhibited at galleries and festivals in the U.S. and internationally. Mariam’s work has even impressed celebrities like John Stamos, Neil Patrick Harris, and Pierce Brosnan, who commissioned her for a portrait. As a matter of fact, in October of 2014 international film star Pierce Brosnan learned about Mariam’s work and invited her to his Malibu California home where she presented him with a painting she had done of him in his iconic James Bond role.
Getting a managerial or leadership role is exciting and at the same time a little bit daunting. Chances are also that you are starting such role without anyone taking your hand to get you acquainted with the ABCs of management. Management is one of those areas where the expectation is that you will figure things out on your own. Experience is indeed the best and a sure way to learn what to do or not do that – but doing the wrong things increases the chances for you to be one of the 50% of the first time managers who fail during their first year.
So what are some key learnings to take on to successfully navigate your first managerial/leadership role?
You are no longer an individual contributor. The transition from an individual contributor to a manager is tough but it is a requirement in order to succeed in a managerial role. The trap or what you might end up doing during an initial phase is to think that you can do both. Sooner or later, and perhaps the hard way – after taking too much on your plate- you will realize that you cannot do both. Measuring your own performance and success as a manager involves different metrics than when you were an individual contributor, as well as maintaining a big picture vision. As part of the transition process, you will learn to delegate, get used to not being in the spotlight for individual contributions, and very importantly redefine the success factors in your new role. Over time, as you mature in your leadership experience, you will be better at identifying activities that are worth your time, or that are needle-moving for yourself, your team or your corporation.
Management takes time. A good manager takes time to speak with his/her team in 1-1 settings or to support, coordinate or communicate on vision, tasks, goals and timelines. This time could seem like “sunk time” or “missed opportunities” to do something more productive. But managing people, supporting their growth or coaching them to ensure understanding of issues at stake, is part of your job description. Take pride in doing this piece well, as it’s the foundation on each key performance indicators are in fact met.
You don’t get the job, you earn the job. It is easy to assume that because you were given the job, your subordinates will be fully on board with your plan and vision. Regardless of how good or bad of a boss you are perceived day one, the single thing that will earn your team’s trust on the long run is for you to walk the talk, show respect and integrity in everything you do and say. When you do that, you are an authentic leader who builds trust as communication, actions and thoughts are congruent.
“The buck stops here”. It is easy to give credit when credit is due. It is harder to take the blame when mess-ups happen. The token of a good leader is not only taking responsibility for mistakes – instead of blaming his/her team members – but also learning from them. No team or process is failure-free. Beating yourself or your team up is not a productive manner to deal with mistakes. A successful leader is the one who learns from mistakes, and identifies changes or improvements required to not repeat these mistakes.
Stress and overwhelm are not a sign of success. Especially when taking a new role, things might seem overwhelming. However, don’t measure your success by the amount of stress and overwhelm yourself or your team feels. It doesn’t need to be that way, because believe it or not, you are in control of your schedule and response to stress. Taking the time to rest or for self-care, and saying no are two important habits that a successful leader needs to develop and integrate in his/her daily routines. Chronic stress or overwhelm are ultimately a sign of failure on your part as a leader, because no one can function to his/her best when stress runs high.
Being a first time manager is challenging – it is as much of a journey inward to discover and act from your most authentic self, as it is a journey outward that is required to reach your team(s), customers and stakeholders. And such leadership journeys have several attributes in common: continuous self-awareness, continuous growth, and continuous change. As scientist Charles Darwin noted: “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”
No one likes pain, discomfort or suffering. Why would we, anyway? Indeed, from the moment we set foot in our life journeys, we are taught to seek and find happiness and comfort. Any situation that would lead to the opposite is to be avoided or short lived. Such philosophy of life is in fact engrained in our DNA and human evolution. Our reptilian brain has served humanity well by protecting our ancestors from dangerous situations via “fight or flight” defense mechanisms. Without necessarily facing physical dangers like our ancestors did, generations after generations, we are being raised with our caretakers running to our fortunes, to minimize any pain or discomfort that might come our way. We have therefore been raised to believe that happiness and comfort are our ultimate goals, while discomfort or pain are situations to avoid in the service of better and happier lives. Add social media to the picture, and we are trapped to believe that “happily ever after” lives and relationships exist…
Paradoxically, such upbringing and culture are in fact in the disservice of better and happier lives. This is because fulfillment, growth and authenticity are often times within reach after journeying through discomfort, pain or suffering. If all our efforts are directed into avoiding those negative feelings or emotions, we might in fact deny ourselves the potential to live more fulfilled and authentic lives.
But why to open up to pain or discomfort as opposed to fighting, fleeing or avoiding them?
First and foremost, it’s because sooner or later we will inevitably experience pain or suffering. This is despite how much we could work or try to avoid them. So if pain or discomfort are inevitable, we might as well learn how to cope with them. As LaRae Quy candidly puts it in her book, “The Secrets Of A Strong Mind”: “Shit happens. Life is hard. Pain is inevitable. Growth is optional.”
Secondly and importantly, it’s because discomfort or painful situations are positioning us to break through our most limiting beliefs and areas of growth. While we wouldn’t wish harm to anyone including ourselves, pain or suffering are ironically or paradoxically potentially the biggest gifts of life, because it is during those moments that we draw closer to what and who matters the most to us. Being uncomfortable or in pain is hard and messy,…but only going through it is enabling us to break through.
Three pillars for successfully navigating pain or discomfort are:
Self-awareness: it is the ability to know and understand our own feelings, emotions, behaviors – to capture and process what happens around and within us. Not surprisingly, in Aristotle’s words, “knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”. Self-awareness is not knowing it all, or getting it right all the time. It is cultivating mindfulness such that we capture signals of information that help us understand ourselves and others in our environment.
Self-compassion: it is the ability to show self-kindness even when we don’t like what we are seeing. In the book “When Things Fall Apart”, Pema Chodron talks about “the most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” Kristin Neff, a PhD researcher in self-compassion notes how self-compassion is as much about comforting and soothing ourselves as we would do with a best friend, as it is about protecting and providing for ourselves. Furthermore, self-compassion is motivating ourselves in kindness: “self-compassion motivates like a good coach, with kindness, support, and understanding, not harsh criticism.”
Growth mindset: it is the ability to develop a mindset that as per Carol Dweck in her book “Mindset, The New Psychology Of Success” is “based on the belief that our basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts… With practice, training and above all, method, we manage to increase our attention, our memory, our judgement and literally to become more intelligent than we were before.” By opposition, a fixed mindset is based on the belief that intelligence and aptitudes are fixed, and nothing can change that. Growth mindset is what leads to continuous pursuit to learn from what happens and mistakes, to embrace challenges and to persevere when obstacles come our way.
Rejecting the idea of pain, discomfort or suffering as signs of defeat or failure allows us to break through our limitations, fake hopes or beliefs. So when pain or discomfort are coming your way, as opposed to fighting them, take courage in digging deeper by practicing self-awareness and self-compassion, and embracing the cold front – it is coming to grow us by design…
Growth Is A Journey is honored to share Sarah Foley’s incredible story of healing and empowering others via her Vertical Blonde mission as a writer, speaker, lifestyle coach and disability icon coach.
Over 8 years ago, during a vacation in Southern Utah with her boyfriend and some friends, Sarah felt at the top of the world – newly in love, with a dream job and supporting family and friends. Sarah recalls saying to her boyfriend that day: “My life is perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Little did she knew that her life would change forever later that day. During an ATV ride through the backroads, Sarah got into an accident, trying to avoid a collision and veering off the trail. The ATV landed twice on her before she was thrown in a ditch. That ATV accident left her paralyzed with both her legs.
After multiple surgeries and weeks in rehabilitation and learning how to move around in a wheelchair, Sarah first wanted to go back to normal including going back to work. While strong outwardly as if she had everything under control, Sarah was hurting in part because she was in denial: “I never thought it would get to five years and I wouldn’t be walking; the thought never crossed my mind. I always had this knowledge, even up on the mountain: It’s all going to be okay.”
After her marriage to her boyfriend, and becoming a mom, Sarah moved to Hawaii where she started her journey of healing emotionally and physically: “Once I got through that grief and the acceptance started to come, then I could just embrace it. Then it was like, ‘OK! This is my life”.
Still obsessed with reaching verticality again, Sarah found purpose and joy in offering this kind of elevation to others feeling disabled by their circumstances. By seeing herself as “sexy” again, she began a blog titled “Vertical Blonde” to “share her struggles of being partially paralyzed, and the triumphs of overcoming adversity“.
Later in 2018, Sarah launched the Vertical Beauty Project, which gives women with disabilities, specifically Spinal Cord Injury, makeovers, and photo shoots to “capture their strength and allow their outer beauty to match their inner beauty: My driving force is to be there for the next woman who becomes injured…I didn’t understand how I could have a disability, use a wheelchair and still feel sexy. I started working with a photographer, and as she’s taking my photo, it was the first time I felt a connection to my chair. It was instant. I call it my glow. My glow was turned on, it was ignited: I found my calling.”
Sarah is Ms. Wheelchair Hawaii 2018 and finished first runner-up at the US Wheelchair America competition that year.
As part of the Empowerment initiative, Growth Is A Journey is honored to share the story of Women’s Bean Project and its amazing founder, Josepha “Jossy” Eyre whose generous spirit and legacy will continue to touch lives and be an inspiration to many.
Women’s Bean Projectis a social enterprise that employs chronically unemployed and impoverished women in a transitional job in gourmet food and handmade jewelry manufacturing. By working in an active business, the women of Women’s Bean Project learn basic job readiness, interpersonal and life skills such as reliability, accountability, problem-solving and goal-setting. After seven months, they transition into career entry-level jobs – some for the first time in their lives.
The Women’s Bean Project products (e.g. bean soups, chilis, cookie & brownie mixes, bread mixes, salsa & spice rubs, marinades, dip mixes, instant teas, instant meals, organic coffees, popcorns and sweets) can be bought from nearly 1,000 retail and grocery stores in 39 states in the United States, or online including via Amazon.
Since its foundation by Josepha “Jossy” Eyre in 1989, the Denver, Colorado-based Women’s Bean Project has helped over a thousand women gain self-sufficiency, and, as per the Women’s Bean Project statistics, has positively impacted more than 18,000 lives by striving to break the seemingly endless cycle of recidivism, unemployment and poverty. A glimpse of the program is shown below:
95: Percent of women who are employed one year after graduating from the program. This is based on the responses of women from a 12-month follow-up.
62: The average number of women hired each year.
60+: Number of hours each woman spends in a core curriculum of five classes: Financial Literacy, Computer Literacy, GED Coursework, Dress for Success and Group Therapeutic Workshops. Women also attend numerous additional programming courses.
50+: Number of hours each woman receives in career services training, working 1-on-1 with a job search coach and attending computer lab and other workshops.
The founder of Women’s Bean Project, “Jossy” Eyre was a child who at a very young age witnessed the dark side of humanity in Nazi-occupied Holland during World War II. She lost siblings and her family home during a bombing raid, she faced famine and lived in terror. Eventually, her family fled to the United States.
“That loss, plus the war experience, gave me a sense that things weren’t right with my world,” Jossy wrote in a 1994 Chicago Tribune story. “That was a major influence why I decided to work with women who are disenfranchised.”
In the United States, Jossy Eyre became a nurse and was headed west to California, when she fell in love with Denver, where she stopped after passing through a traumatizing snowstorm in Kansas.
In her 50s, with all four of her children out of the house, Jossy went back to school, earning a master’s degree in social work. She volunteered at a homeless shelter for women and kids, where she observed how the same women were returning again and again.
With her own memories of helplessness, Jossy envisioned a place where women who don’t feel as though they have a lot of control over their lives, get help and start getting a sense of control. “That was something she could very much relate to,” as per Tamra Ryan, CEO of Women’s Bean Project. “She was driven by this idea that if she could teach the women by actually doing, that would give them the ability to change the trajectory of their lives.”
In 1989, Jossy Erye used $500 of her own money to establish the Project beginning with one staff member, two program participants, and three soup products. In one of Jossy’s talks to university students, Jossy shared some of her fond memories of those early times: “We had a very caring atmosphere — people working together, people learning together, people being supported together and trying to help them to ease their way into the mainstream. One of the ways we did that was to take them when we had opportunities to sell the products. At first, they didn’t like the idea at all, but when they found out that the products of their hands had monetary value, they started to believe in themselves a little bit more.”
“When she started the organization, Jossy never imagined it to be what it is today, she was merely looking for a way to help women gain a sense of empowerment over their circumstances by learning the skills of working by actually making a product” noted Tamra Ryan.
Jossy is remembered as someone who truly walked the walk – “We all look around and see things we don’t like, but not all of us do something about. And that to me is the thing that defines Jossy. We honor her legacy every day when we go to work” Tamra Ryan noted.
At age 89, Josepha “Jossy” Eyre passed away in April 2020 due to complications of COVID-19.
About the Author: James Hollis, PhD is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the author of sixteen books including Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, On This Journey We Call Our Life: Living the Questions, and Creating a Life: Finding Your Individual Path. James Hollis served as Executive Director of the Jung Educational Center in Houston, Texas for many years, was Executive Director of the Jung Society of Washington until 2019, and now serves on the JSW Board of Directors, while having a private practice in Washington-DC. His work has been translated into many languages including Swedish, Russian, German, Spanish, French, Hungarian, Portuguese, Turkish, Italian, Korean, Finnish, Romanian, Bulgarian, Farsi, Japanese, Greek, Chinese, and Czech.
Growth Is A Journey summary consists of a series of questions and answers, intended to represent 1-2 key nuggets of insight from the book, as well as personal takeaways with an invitation for readers to discover the book in its entirety.
Key message of the Book: The “second half of the journey” or growing up is not a chronological milestone in our lives (e.g. getting married, having kids, being financially independent) but a psychological stage of maturity and awareness. Once we reach this stage of conscious and intentional living, we can “leave behind the expectations of others and grow into the persons we were meant to be“. Living an examined life is what makes possible “the recovery of your journey“, a journey that, in James Hollis’ words, is “more productive, more clearly our own“.
What to know before reading: The book is a guide in self discovery and inner growth, structured as a 21-step plan with questions, insights and wisdom offered to help us journey through examining and discovering our lives, values and ultimately our unique purpose.
Each chapter of the book is challenging the reader into questioning limiting beliefs, behaviors, ways of thinking or values that when examined, it becomes clear that they are not in the service of a life of “personal authority, integrity and fulfillment”.
To make it more concrete, as an example, Chapter 1 titled The Choice Is Yours is a wake-up call to the fact that as human beings, we will always have a choice. This is despite learning from early age that experimenting or pushing boundaries will likely cause negative reactions, teaching us to adapt and survive largely by fitting in and limiting our discoveries. It is therefore powerful to rediscover that we do have choice and ultimately remain the “central character in our life drama“, despite our environment, upbringing or possible limitations. In fact, such discovery is life-giving: “Our life begins twice: the day we are born and the day we accept the radical existential fact that our life, for all its delimiting factors, is essentially ours to choose. And the moment when we open to that invitation and step into that accountability, we take on the power of choice.”
Throughout the book, as per James Hollis ‘intent for the book, the reader will be making an appointment with his/her soul by examining questions like “It’s time to grow up”, “Let Go of the Old”, “Vow to Get Unstuck”, “What is the Bigger Picture for You?”, “Choose Meaning over Happiness”, “Construct a Mature Spirituality”,…
Biggest personal learning from the book: Key personal learning was the idea of embedding in every day’s life a continuous practice of examining and reflecting over both the brightest and the darkest corners of our existence, pasts, behaviors, hearts and minds. Such journey of self-questioning and self-examination is what will bring healing, courage and integrity in our lives, and become a foundation for continued inner growth.
One specific learning from the book: A point made multiple times in the book is around the human story, which is a cyclical one of losses and wins, of separation and isolation, of new and old – the faster we accept and embrace that, the faster we enter our second halves of our journeys: “Life is a series of attachment and losses, beginning with our disconnect from the womb, a primal trauma from which we never wholly recover. During our journey, we link with, attach to, and also separate from others on a continuing basis. People come and go in our lives. Some of these losses are traumatic: a marriage that sinks, a child lost, a career up in smoke. Those things hurt, yet not to move forward in service to life, in service to bringing more into this world, is to abrogate our reason for being here – to bring our more evolved chip to the great mosaic of being, a humbling and enabling participation in the vast puzzle that the human venture has been adding or substracting from since its beginning in the African veldt many millennia ago.”
How is this book different from other leadership books: The book is like booking a therapy session with a very seasoned and intuitive therapist. Via a series of questions and insights turned into a 21-step plan, the journey to growing up enfolds at times in a way that is uncomfortable. As James Hollis noted in the preface of the book, “sometimes we need a list, sometimes to be reminded, and sometimes to be kicked in the butt. This book is that reminder, that kick in the butt. This book promises nothing easy. It asks that the reader be serious about looking at his or her life and taking responsibility for it”.
LaRae Quy is a speaker, author, and founder of the Mental Toughness Center. LaRae was an undercover and counterintelligence FBI agent for 24 years. As an FBI agent, she developed the mental toughness to survive in environments of risk, uncertainty, and deception. The article below, published with LaRae’s permission is an excerpt from her new book, “Secrets of a Strong Mind (second edition): How To Build Inner Strength To Overcome Life’s Obstacles”.
“Don’t be a wimp!” It was a phrase I heard a lot as I grew up on a remote cattle ranch in the middle of Wyoming.
Ranching is a serious business at 6,500 feet—the harsh winter blizzards often drive cattle into draws and the lower ground where they can be covered with snowdrifts and suffocate. Don’t be a wimp meant I needed to saddle up a horse in a blizzard to help locate the cattle so we could trail them to a corral for protection.
My parents had an incredible work ethic. As I grew up, I thought everyone worked 7 days a week, 10 hours a day. In my young world, people took a shower at the end of a hard day, not in the morning so they smelled like a petunia to start their day.
To be called a wimp by my Dad was an ugly stain on a person’s character that didn’t easily rub off. Another label Dad foisted upon careless ranch hands and indifferent neighbors was lazy. He had a tendency to drawl out the word lazy and then spit out bastard as a follow up so I knew if he threw down the gauntlet and called someone a lazy bastard, this was a person I should hold in silent contempt.
It might sound as though my Dad was harsh, but we lived in an environment where intelligence was no guarantee of success. Dad used yardsticks like wimp and lazy bastard to gauge whether cowhands and neighbors had the backbone to survive in our harsh surroundings where the lives of hundreds of livestock depended on them.
It was the responsibility of each one of us to take the initiative and act when we saw a problem that needed to be fixed. Dad understood the tough benchmark he used to measure others would also help his kids achieve success in life, no matter which profession they followed. As a result, I grew up with the unspoken assumption that I could do anything once I put my mind to it. All I needed to do was focus my energy and apply the spunk required to get the job done.
Failure was never a word used by my parents. If something didn’t work, we tackled it from another direction. When cattle and horses depend on you for their life, failure is not an option. We required a mindset that always found a way around whatever obstacle stood in our way.
Around the age of eight, I started to understand that boys were often treated differently than girls. In my mind’s eye, boys got to do the fun stuff while girls got the leftovers. I knew how to ride horses, and one summer my brother and I had to share a sweet little mare named Sugar. Dad announced that he needed to help a neighbor trail several hundred heads of cattle over the weekend. I felt certain that, since I was a girl, my brother would be the one chosen to go with Dad and I’d be left behind peeling potatoes with Mom.
In one of the most formative moments in my childhood, Dad looked in my direction and told me to saddle up—I was going on a cattle drive! Smug with joy, I rode out of the corral, tossed the potato peeler at my brother as I passed by, and sat tall in the saddle.
That was a day that changed my life because I had stolen a glimpse into a future where I realized that my only limitation would be my own attitude about myself. I found myself in a cowboy’s world full of saddles, anxious horses, backaches, empty stomachs, and hard mattresses. I loved it!
Once again initiative would be required because even though Sugar was a small horse, she wasn’t a pony and I was too small to throw on a saddle without help. But how would it look if I whined and complained? This was my chance to be a real cowboy and I would not let anything get in the way. My parents had raised to be independent when faced with a problem, so I tied Sugar to a fence post and was able to raise my saddle about halfway up her left side. I still had a long way to go but I grunted and pushed the saddle slowly up her ribcage to where it finally rested on her back. Whew! No one witnessed my weak performance, so I quickly cinched up and proudly marched my saddled horse in front of the other cowhands.
I hadn’t thought ahead far enough to realize that I also needed to get on her. As I turned to my horse, I found my nose and stirrup were the same height and realized that I’d need to raise my foot above my head to settle my boot in the stirrup. How in the hell could I get on without help? I watched as one cowboy after another lightly jumped into their stirrup and pulled themselves up in one swift motion. My only hope for getting on Sugar with any dignity, and without help, would be to find something tall enough to give me an advantage. No loading chutes or rock piles were to be found, so I went back to the fence post in the pole corral.
Now, while Sugar was sweet, she wasn’t stupid, either. As I led her inside the corral and climbed up on a pole, she knew the score and moved away before I could mount her. I looked up in desperation as I saw the cowboys head out, one by one, to gather the cattle. Dad knew I struggled back in the corral to get on Sugar, but it was a lesson in independence that I suspect he knew I needed to learn.
He left me behind.
Shit. So much for being one of the guys and trailing hundreds of head of cattle to Bear Creek for summer pasture. I was desperate because if I didn’t catch up soon, I’d never find either the herd or riders. I needed to be creative and the only way I could gain an advantage was to stand on the pole fence. I knew Sugar’s modus operandi by now, so as soon as she backed away, I jumped. I landed on her neck and thank God her mane hadn’t been trimmed because I grabbed a handful in my left hand and whirled my right leg over the saddle horn until it caught something. By this time Sugar was flustered and tried to make an escape, but I pulled myself onto her back and into my saddle.
I kicked her into a trot and caught up with the other horses and their riders. My Dad didn’t say a word, but he turned when I caught up and gave a quick nod of approval.
Several of the lessons I learned on that cattle drive have continued to build throughout my life and career as an FBI agent. These are three core principles that prevented me from becoming a wimp in the face of obstacles:
1.Attitude
Shit happens. Life is hard. Pain is inevitable. Growth is optional. Our success in overcoming obstacles depends upon our attitude. We need to develop the mental toughness to push through the obstacles and adversities that life throws at us. It means we take the time to think through our next step. A strong mind has an unbeatable attitude that seeks opportunities to accomplish things we once never thought possible.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. When you do, you’ll find ways to turn shit into sugar. In the process, you’ll grow into a better person.
Independent people put themselves in charge of their life and the direction it’s headed. Me not having someone to hold my hand when I tried to get on Sugar created a fierce streak of independence; I didn’t need my Dad or anyone else to help me. I created my own success, and while hanging on for dear life on Sugar’s neck was neither elegant nor graceful, I got the job done. I developed a can-do attitude that put me in charge of my circumstances.
2. Action
Never let the labels that others foist upon you hold you back. Take action and create a plan after you’ve given thought to your next steps. Use this as an opportunity to change the lens through which people see you. As a female agent, I faced many assumptions that I would need to overcome. I had to go no further than back to my childhood experiences to understand that I had the power to create my own future.
The obstacles we face can seem insurmountable. We believe they are the reason we can’t accomplish our goals or live our dream. As a result, we often give up and settle for mediocrity rather than take action and change our circumstances. Everyone’s experiences in life are different, but the trajectory of the emotions produced by those emotions is easy to map out: Fear. Lack of Confidence. Self-limiting beliefs. Anger. Helplessness. Depression.
Many of us blame others for our situation in life, so our answer is simple: we sit and do nothing, disoriented and clueless.
Then how do we explain those who are not paralyzed when confronted with adversity? What do they have that we lack? It’s pathetic to complain that they haven’t suffered the same trials and tribulations that we have, because guess what? Not everyone gets to play with the red ball in the playground and we all need to deal with disappointment and things that are unfair. Obstacles are pesky things that first show up in childhood and cling to us throughout adulthood.
At some point we have a choice: we can melt into a puddle of pity, or we can take action and develop a strong mind that harnesses the willpower to move forward. Great people in history have a common thread that weaves through their story—their strong minds look at adversity as a challenge that propels them into action. Whether the obstacle comes from the outside, or within, they aren’t wimps who go soft and expect others to do the heavy lifting.
3. Tenacity
Success in life requires you to have the initiative to explore your talents and strengths because are the frontiers that will unlock your potential. Initiative and creativity require the tenacity to break down obstacles as you move into the unknown. Initiative and creativity will enable you to turn adversity into opportunities that will move your world forward.
At eight years of age, I busted through a dangerous stereotype I had created for myself—trailing cattle was a man’s work and I should be somewhere else. With tenacity and pluck, I found a way around my obstacle. Perhaps most empowering was the awareness that stereotypes don’t always come from others. Sometimes we live up to the stereotype of ourselves that we’ve heard others talk about. It’s how we view ourselves.
Later, I became an FBI agent. If I thought the world of cowboys was full of stereotypes, I came across a few more in the masculine-dominated world of law enforcement. My philosophy was this: people stupid enough to rely on stereotypes to make judgments about others are dumb enough to keep making other really stupid mistakes. Wait long enough and they’ll step in something sticky—coming from a cattle ranch, I could smell that shit a mile away.
The stick-with-itness that produces tenacity enables us to see far beyond our current circumstances and to the potential we all carry within us. The quick-fix mentality doesn’t work in the long run. That’s because the important things in life that lead to fulfillment take time to excavate and polish. We can remain a diamond in the rough for great swaths of our life, but our desire for fulfillment is an attitude that will fuel us for life. Fulfillment is not something we can grab from a self-help book or therapy session. Fulfillment allows us to feel a profound resonance with our deepest values. This assumes, of course, that we’ve discovered something more important than selfies, fame, and money to drive our behavior. Fulfillment requires a journey inward, to a place that is safe and the wellspring for our confidence.
Even if you’re a wimp, it’s not hopeless and this is why: attitude, action, and tenacity are three interdependent principles that will help you create a strong mind.
Growth Is A Journey 